Keep out of it or send message?

[Wheredidchristmasgo]

Probably keep out of it but here goes...

DS15 noticed a cafe opening near us and messaged them via my Instagram (he doesn't really do social media) to ask them if they had any vacancies once open (very politely, he as asked me check it), they messaged back with a really enthusiastic email to say they'd love to meet him when they were a bit more organised. A little bit of time went past and he emailed them again and they replied again to say they definitely wanted to see him and they'd be in touch soon. Another couple of months went past and he heard nothing so I had a chat with him explaining these things sometimes happen, disappointing and annoying as they are.

Then about a month ago they emailed to say they were close to opening, would like to meet him and asked for his availability. He was really pleased and emailed them back and then no reply from them and we walked past the cafe yesterday and it's now open and obviously fully staffed. DS was gutted when he saw it.

Now, as an adult I totally understand that being ghosted professionally is an annoying fact of life but I think it's crappy to do it to a child and was also totally unnecessary to contact him again to ask her to come in and then ignore his replies. I am really tempted to message them to tell them, in a calm and tactful way, just this as it's really knocked his confidence and he thinks she's done something wrong.

So, wise mums netters - leave it or send them a message?

Oh dear, oh dear.

The cafe sounds disorganised, and were probably busy getting ready for opening, it doesn't sound like it was done maliciously.

That said, next time your DS is looking for a casual job, I would suggest he actually goes into the shop, asks to speak to the manager and build up an in-person rapport asking about vacancies. I know the world has moved on, however that kind of approach may have elicited a more positive response than all these Instagram messages.

Obviously I wasn’t going to go in there, rather just send a 2 line email on instagram messages. But as explained I’ve heeded the advice on here and I’m just going to seethe quietly instead.

Seethe quietly or tell him he needs to get down there and speak to them face to face?

It would be worth him popping in, in person, to say hello and ask if there are suitable vacancies yet and show enthusiasm.

Your role is behind the scenes encouragement and teaching him to roll with the punches and not take it to heart. Boycotting the cafe is an overreaction (though I totally understand you feeling that way!); you need to gently show him that this isn’t a such a big deal, just part of life and a learning curve.

You’re boycotting a local new start up business on the grounds they were now doubt inundated by people actually popping in and speaking with them and asking about vacancies and hiring them instead of your son?

What kind of message does that send your son?!

great advice, thank you.

and that would have well and truly confirmed to them that they’d made the right decision by not pursuing further

Also slightly joking about boycotting them. Even DS was commenting this morning about fancying one of their crossaints 😂

👍

These things do happen. Very similar happened to me once, but the job I got instead lead me into the career I’m in now, so no regrets!

I’d doubt they’d notice my lack of custom. Looking at their instagram they were very busy this AM. My £3 purchase for a croissant isn’t going to break them.

How do you know they were fully staffed just by walking past? All that means is they had staff to cover that shift, which I would have thought was the norm, not the exception. There could well be other shifts available. It seems odd that, if he’s that keen, he would just give up without even checking.

In any case, cafés and bars are not known as places people look to build long-term careers. Staff will leave when they get jobs offering more hours, or go off to uni, or get sacked because they rang in sick but were then spotted in the pub over the road two hours later… the owners might well remember your son’s messages and drop him a line. They will definitely remember him if his mother messages to express her displeasure - but unfortunately, they won’t remember him in a positive light.

I think he's proved he's really not suitable for this job if he can't be arsed to go in there.

Or has he just changed his mind about it?

"Hi I'm Dave, we've had communication on X dates about a possible job? Great to meet you at last, lovely looking place you've got here".

Why hasn't he done that?

How do you know they were fully staffed just by walking past? All that means is they had staff to cover that shift, which I would have thought was the norm, not the exception. There could well be other shifts available. It seems odd that, if he’s that keen, he would just give up without even checking.

Exactly, the lad or the OP has no clue about the staffing levels.

Totally get your frustration with this.

My DD, when a teen, answered an ad in our local village newsletter, to look after a little boy after school in their house for an hour or so till Mum got home. DD had done a lot of babysitting and was really good with kids.
We went to meet the family, they live in the biggest house in the area (recently on the market for £5M!) Mum was nice, she suggested I come to meet them too, DD chatted and played with the little boy for an hour and he cried when she left!'
The Mum more or less promised the 'job' to DD and said she would email in a couple of days of when she could start. Never heard another word! DD was sooooo disappointed. How mean of the Mum not to let her know.

So OP, I can imagine your son is annoyed by this. We turned it into a joke and when we used to go cycling up near the big house we'd always say something rude daft about them.

If they’re happy to take a 15 year old, they might well be happy to take him now. Tell him to go in and ask.

Actually I've just had a thought.

Maybe someone checked SM for him (very common thing to do with recruitment) and became suspicious at him using his mum's account. Perhaps it looks like he has something to hide?

He said in his initial message he was using my Instagram as he doesn’t have it so I really don’t think that’s the case. It’s quite obviously a woman’s email as it’s in my name.

So from their prospective

he’s 15
no experience
and perhaps not allowed to have his own instagram account so he uses his mummy’s

come on op… would you regard him as a candidate that you’re going to remember when the time comes for hiring for your new business???

bloomin heck…. i wasn’t meaning fact that you don’t plan to buy anything will mean they fail!

we walked past the cafe yesterday and it's now open and obviously fully staffed. DS was gutted when he saw it.

you made this assumption on the basis of one shift viewed from the outside of the cafe

maybe but why email him several times to say they were and make a clear point of saying how much they liked how enthusiastic he was?

It’s more that they last emailed him a few weeks ago to ask him to come in and when was convenient, he replied and they never bothered to respond.

Keep out of it. He has to learn to cope with rejection and being ignored when on the hunt for jobs.
You really shouldn't have any involvement in it. If a candidate needs their mother's involvement in any way (including messaging from their SM accounts) then I'd question whether they're independent enough to be a good employee. Get him to set up his own account next time.
Contacting them will put them off further- as it'll come across as being already high maintenance.
He should go in himself and ask, a job vacancy will turn up even if they are fully staffed now however employers are also often reluctant to hire 15 year olds anyway so he may be better off waiting a few months.