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Autistic women assemble! #3

996 replies

Nepmarthiturn · 06/01/2024 18:58

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
Psychoticbreak · 08/01/2024 09:42

I still have another hour to go in a few weeks so I may be doing puzzles yet lol

Nepmarthiturn · 08/01/2024 10:43

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 01:59

I have an impressive collection of jumpers from many suppliers.

I've even hidden some of them so DH doesn't realise.

🤣🤣

My Christmas jumper collection is getting out of hand. With other clothes if I find something I like (hard) then I tend to buy several of them, sometimes in varying colours but the same style and fabric. 🤣

The thing is years ago I just assumed it was normal to be obsessive about stuff like that. I didn't even think it was obsessive. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Seems perfectly rational to me to collect stuff you like and to ensure you have a spare of a spare of everything. It was quite uite the revelation that other people do not do things this way. 😆😆

OP posts:
Nepmarthiturn · 08/01/2024 11:06

@TheShellBeach my friend hides new clothes she has purchased in the bottom of her wardrobe for 6 months or so then wears them so that when her husband says "is that new?" she can legitimately say "no". 🤣 She out earns him and he wouldn't care so it's not about control or money but her own guilt at buying so much stuff. Makes me laugh but also glad to be single! 😁

OP posts:
Nepmarthiturn · 08/01/2024 11:08

RainbowZebraWarrior · 07/01/2024 10:54

I'm just plonking this link here in case it's helpful for anyone.

It's my own thread in ND MNers about Autism and Menopause from a while back. It doesn't come up on searches.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/neurodiverse_mumsnetters/4547750-autism-and-menopause?page=1

This is SO helpful, thank you. Will read through properly later! I tried posting a thread in the menopause topic about how it interacts with autism/ ADHD and how to distinguish which symptoms are from what and got only one response so this is great!

OP posts:
toffee1000 · 09/01/2024 08:21

I have now purchased some of my “ooh I really want this” items. Including a set of fancy coloured pencils. I must remember to actually use them rather than store them on a shelf Grin

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:21

OMG yet another jumper arrived today.
I'd forgotten I'd ordered it.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:28

whatisforteamum · 06/01/2024 19:51

Awaiting adhd diagnosis but suspect i have autism as ive had social anxiety all my life,no good at sport or dancing and im not typical of other women in their 50s.
I come across as blunt and straight talking.
Only just suspecting i maybe autisctic in the last year as my colleagues dont get me.

I thought I could be autistic/on the spectrum as I’m no good at sport and was uncoordinated and also probably socially anxious. Have tested online and have discovered that due to lots of things including being shy and wearing glasses and a patch from 2 years old this didn’t help many of my problems. I got better at sport and more coordinated at dance especially when I started an aerobics class in my teens. I’m not saying I was masking or anything but sometimes you’re not good at things like PE at school I was shouted at for not catching the ball but I had sight issues so of course ball work was harder for me. But that teacher put me off sport apart from swimming and walking/running. When I had a nicer and more patient PE teacher in a private secondary school I found I could play netball, hockey, rounders and other athletic sports perfectly well.

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:31

Hi @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain
Were you diagnosed with autism in the end?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:34

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:31

Hi @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain
Were you diagnosed with autism in the end?

I wasn’t. But I spoke to a doctor about this and he said after a chat he thought I wasn’t autistic but suffering PTSD etc. which is what I guessed.

I’m not shy, make eye contact and do NT things (not copying) but my young childhood was hard due to an alcoholic father. And then single mother. And severely ill sibling.

JewelleryCat · 09/01/2024 12:36

Does anybody else colour code? I love colour coding on some things

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:47

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:34

I wasn’t. But I spoke to a doctor about this and he said after a chat he thought I wasn’t autistic but suffering PTSD etc. which is what I guessed.

I’m not shy, make eye contact and do NT things (not copying) but my young childhood was hard due to an alcoholic father. And then single mother. And severely ill sibling.

This thread is for autistic women.

Are you here because you think your doctor was wrong?

Have you taken the AQ50?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:50

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:47

This thread is for autistic women.

Are you here because you think your doctor was wrong?

Have you taken the AQ50?

Sorry, I’ll duck out. What I’m saying is there can be confusion. I don’t think my doctor was wrong.

Yes I’ve taken AQ50 and got low results eg non ND.

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 12:55

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:50

Sorry, I’ll duck out. What I’m saying is there can be confusion. I don’t think my doctor was wrong.

Yes I’ve taken AQ50 and got low results eg non ND.

Oh okay. I don't understand why you posted.

Psychoticbreak · 09/01/2024 13:01

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 12:50

Sorry, I’ll duck out. What I’m saying is there can be confusion. I don’t think my doctor was wrong.

Yes I’ve taken AQ50 and got low results eg non ND.

Where is the confusion? This thread is for women who have been diagnosed with autism or think they should be diagnosed so you have not been diagnosed with this you were diagnosed with something totally different and have now popped on to say there can be confusion? There cannot. You are either with or without autism. It is fairly simple.

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 13:07

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain there can be no confusion.
You're either autistic or you're not.

There isn't a middle option.

Startingagainandagain · 09/01/2024 13:14

Very glad to see this thread and read about people's experience.

I agree with the person who commented on the thread and said that it is just exhausting to try to 'fit in' and 'pretend' at work.

I was just looking at the report that Occupational Health wrote about me today (I had a really bad episode/complete meltdown 4 months ago and needed time off work).

I really is a shame that we have to spend so much time explaining ourselves, our condition and how it affects our lives and fighting for understanding and reasonable adjustments.

It all feels so intrusive too.

The older I get the more difficult it has become for me to 'mask' anything and frankly I am done with pretending to be someone I am not.

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 13:28

It really is a shame that we have to spend so much time explaining ourselves, our condition and how it affects our lives and fighting for understanding and reasonable adjustments.

Isn't it just. Exhausting and debilitating.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/01/2024 13:38

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 13:07

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain there can be no confusion.
You're either autistic or you're not.

There isn't a middle option.

Before you are diagnosed yes there can be confusion in the minds of the people who think they have it. I’ve been told I don’t have it.

Like I said I’m ducking out now.

TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 13:42

I’ve been told I don’t have it

So there was no need for you to post on this thread.

OMG can't we be left alone without being challenged like this, on any thread?

Psychoticbreak · 09/01/2024 13:57

I have no idea why my post was deleted? How strange I just said similar to above you either have been diagnosed or not and if you are diagnosed with something else then post in a thread about that condition or diagnosis.

Anyway that aside I am starting to really 'fit in' now to my 'new' body as it were. I now see things the way others have seen them about me and see why my friends have always called me eccentric and quirky and random. I just thought everyone was this way and never really thought it was a 'thing' just thought we are all different and live and let live but its actually quite fun and freeing getting to know myself for who I truly am and my friends have been so suportive. Sadly my family have decided otherwise but hey that is on them not me.

Nepmarthiturn · 09/01/2024 14:05

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain I am sorry for your awful childhood experiences - many regular posters here have been through the same and worse so we sympathise - however, coming to a thread which is designed to be a safe and supportive space for autistic women on Mumsnet and implying that autism and childhood trauma/ anxiety/ shyness are the same is really unpleasant and intrusive.

Please read the first post in the thread and respect it. We are welcoming of course to anybody who suspects they are autistic or is considering or waiting for diagnosis and there is fantastic, warm and caring support here for anybody in that situation. We've all been there. But if you've been through that process and you're now confident as you say that you're not autistic then there is no reason for you to be here repeating (often very damaging) stereotypes about autism, many of which are completely wrong. We have enough of this every day of our lives and elsewhere on this site so please have a little consideration for others and don't intrude here to start conflating people's autism with completely separate issues and implying that their diagnoses may not be correct.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 09/01/2024 14:16

@Psychoticbreak I'm also wondering why your post was deleted, when you said the same as I did.

(waits for own post to be deleted)

Barbarachicken · 09/01/2024 14:23

Hello everyone, please can I join you? I'm very recently diagnosed (Nov 2023) and been trying to process it all, which has been hugely emotional, overwhelming, & exhausting, even though I already knew in myself for a few years ...To have got to age 46 thinking I was 'just' highly anxious (diagnosed with GAD & OCD a few years ago) and sensitive, & that every single day of my life was a struggle without truly understanding why. It's mind blowing and I've been so, so upset at what my life might have been had anyone known before now. However, I'm trying hard to look forward rather than back too much, with this new lens, and not beat myself up as to why I have not managed to achieve what my peers have, particularly career-wise. I could never understand why I was intelligent on paper, but never felt as though I was fulfilling my potential? I'm trying to be kind to myself and let this new me unfold.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 09/01/2024 14:36

I completely agree, @Nepmarthiturn

Strange that your post was deleted, @Psychoticbreak as I had read it and to me it did not break any talk guidelines.

I think it can be a problem when a newish thread is first published and people happen upon it. It's a shame, as we certainly aren't looking to be challenged on our own long standing difficulties and official diagnoses. It also clearly states that it's an ongoing support thread.

I guess there is always an option to move the threads to the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board. At least there, there is a banner at the top explaining that the board is primarily for the use of Neurodiverse posters. That said, I appreciate that we do want to be open to those thinking about going for assessment, therefore I'd not like to put anyone off posting.

On the topic of what was discussed, I'll add this. My childhood background is that of an alcoholic father and profoundly disabled sibling resulting in us running away from said father. So I totally understand that trauma issues from childhood can present major problems later in life. This is explored both pre assessment and during assessment (if applicable) as of course it is possible to have difficulties relating to previous trauma and Autism. This is the reason that the AQ50 is used as an initial screening tool as it concentrates solely on Autistic traits.

For any others reading and questioning whether they may be Autistic, the diagnostic process actually goes back to birth and is extremely thorough. To be diagnosed, your difficulties must be shown to be lifelong. There is no chance that PTSD on ittself would ever be misdiagnosed as Autism, although like I say, it can be present alongside. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I'd like to add that the whole process of assessment and diagnosis is exhausting, but worthwhile in my opinion, particularly once you realise that it's something that is significantly impacting your life. It does mean that as diagnosed Neurodivergent individuals, we can be fiercely protective of our clinical status and rightly so.

QuickFetchTheCoffee · 09/01/2024 17:04

Hi everyone!
New to this thread but not to MN, I was diagnosed age 42 (five years ago now!), about a year after my youngest DD. So many things in my life made much more sense after diagnosis I felt like telling everyone and shouting about it (obviously I didn't I just overshared with a few people and got on with life).
I find daily life challenging as I have to deal with my own difficulties but also support DD with hers and deal with the professionals who are supposed to be helping her, and try not to get so overwhelmed that I shut down or get a migraine.
Been depressed, been diagnosed with GAD, but am in a relatively good patch right now (fingers crossed).