"but she's your mum!..." Dysfunctional families

[HiHiHey]

I grew up in a dysfuntional household, resulting in comlicated (low contact) family relationships to this day .
I want to preffice this by saying that at my current state after lots of years of therapy/work I can deal 'well' with my situation. I'm don't want to sound like I don't think people should discuss/express their good relationships with their families, or paint myself as a victim

However, here's a few things that I have experienced/ found difficult:

• I had a 'friend' at secondary school who outcast me from a friendship group because 'there must be something wrong with me I cant get on with my mum'
• I have traveled solo a lot since I was 19, often the first question I get when discussing it is 'are your parents okay with that?'
• Events/times of the year when there's an expectation of family closeness are stressfull and can be upsetting. I have been quized about why i'm not visiting 'home' on christmas etc.
• with some aquaintences/ colleagues people I've tried to get closer with, upon discussing some of the very surface levels of my struggles I'll get met with things like "but she's your mum she loves you..." or "all families fight sometimes..." , "you only have one mum/dad..."
• I see things like this a lot in the media as well, on here, other sm platforms, tv etc... people being at best misunderstood, at worst judged for their 'decission' to have no/little relationship with family members

Lots of these experiences are with people i don't know too well, and while I do have close friends who know and understand my experiences, I'm not comfortable/willing/don't want to explain the ins and outs of my traumatic history.
I also understand that, for the most part, lots of these interactions come from a good place, people trying to empathise etc, but I cant say they hevent been dificult to deal with in the past. Nor do I blame people for reacting in these ways per se, I think we'er taught to assume people have 'normal' family relationships.
Navigating life when you come from a dysfuntional family is hard, and this isn't helped by the fact that others often don't posess the tools and awarness of that, or make assumptions that most people have a 'normal' family.

Does anyone else feel the same way/had similar experiences when they've disclosed complicated family relationships?

I'd like to add to the resource list. This is taken from the book 'Reconciliation: Healing The Inner Child' by Thich Nhat Hanh. Of all the things I've tried over the years, this helped the most and was instantly soothing. The saying goes that if you really want something doing, then do it yourself and it seemed to me that when I meditated on my inner child/children I became my own mother and did it properly, giving my younger self the love and care she needs. I lie down, close my eyes and call to her, then visualise good things happening. I brush her hair, get her dressed and then we'll go to a museum and have tea cakes and cocoa afterwards, or we'll play on a sunny beach. Sometimes we just have a cuddle. And it is so, so comforting.

https://www.lionsroar.com/healing-the-child-within/

People just don't get it because they haven't had it happen to them.

I didn't get it, until I met my husband and his family. Now I do.

Keep prioritising your health and happiness OP

I agree. It's like the people on mumsnet who make out that there's a modern trend of going NC for no reason.
A) Estrangement is not new
B) People don't do it for no reason. Most people would love to have had a parent they could have a good relationship with.

My mother is a toxic narcissist from hell. I’m 65. I have never forgotten the lock ins, the beatings, the cruel words. She’s 88 and tells people that she has three children, I am one of four. She still tells my siblings completely ridiculous things about me, I’ve never worked, (I wish) I was a junkie, erm, no. I slept with the world and his wife, no Mum, that was you. She should never have been allowed to have children.

Enjoy your lovely Christmas next year.

Thank you