Do you know somebody who wraps presents this way?

[FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper]

We have a family member who is kind, thoughtful and generous - but she has a really weird and annoying habit with how she wraps presents.

Rather than taping the wrapping paper to itself, she will tape it TO the present inside. I'm not talking about just attaching tape to a generic inner brown protective cardboard box or cellophane that would be thrown away/recycled anyway, or even a chocolate box that wouldn't get kept once they've been eaten, but the actual cover of a book, the colourful illustrated box that a game lives in etc. that you would naturally want to keep in nice condition - meaning that, however carefully you remove the tape (and little ones tend to dive right in there and wouldn't notice anyway), the present is instantly spoiled with a torn cover or box.

We've gently commented on it, but she just smiles and says it's a lot easier to wrap things that way. If it's not blatantly obvious to her that it's an 'unusual' and unwise idea, I really don't know what else we can say to her - other than to just accept that she gives presents that are lovely but damaged and thus bring disappointment along with joy as soon as you open them.

I don't want to sound ungrateful at all; she is very kind, but then just dilutes the excitement of receiving her lovely gifts so pointlessly. Before anybody jumps to conclusions, yes we all give her lovely presents that she wants/asked for too, we aren't just there on the grab - but we just wrap them in a way that means we don't needlessly wreck them before she opens them.

Is she alone in this, or is this a more widespread practice?!

It is baffling though that a child would be bothered about the outside of a Lego box rather than the actual Lego.

Can we see photos please of the damage?

Thanks - I'll add sarcasm and 'a bit dickish' to my ever-growing list of failings

As I've specified several times, I'm not talking about the 'packaging' box that, of course, you would throw away, but the actual illustrated box that the game/puzzle/set is designed to be kept in; or the cover of a book.

Are you really surprised that people would want to keep the board, cards and game pieces for a board game in the box they were designed to be kept in, rather than just emptying it all out into a pile in a drawer and then chucking the box that says 'Scrabble' on it?!

I read a Viz top tip ages ago about saving money by, instead of buying 'expensive' bookmarks, just ripping out the pages as you have read them and throwing them in the bin. I always assumed it was a joke, but now, having seen people's responses on here, I'm really not so sure!

@DappledThings It wouldn’t be baffling if you could accept that people are different, and the things that matter to them vary.

For example, if a person rarely has anything new or special or “perfect” in their life, that kind of thing — the idea of the box being perfect, of people having taken care to ensure it’s nice for them, as part of the whole experience of owning a new thing — might be a huge part of why they are thrilled by a gift.

When you go to shops, are you baffled by them trying to keep the packaging for their stock looking pristine? I mean, suppliers and retailers could sell candles, perfume, etc., in battered and torn boxes or even just put them in newspaper or plain cardboard, but they generally don’t. Isn’t that a hint that many, and probably most, people like the newness of a thing? It’s not being wrong or weird.

Very true. We needed a new microwave recently and we managed to get the one we wanted for £20 off as 'shop soiled' because the box had got a bit bashed and scuffed somewhere along the line.

Obviously, a microwave box isn't intended to be kept, so it didn't bother us at all - there was nothing wrong with the actual microwave itself - but they clearly know that people value a product less or otherwise simply might not buy it if the throwaway packaging is a little bit wrecked; let alone the actual outside of the product that its intended to be kept in.

Yes, it does show that people are likely to be swayed by packaging and assume that a damaged box = damaged goods inside. Easier for a shop to just make it cheaper rather than have the item out of the box so that people can see it's not damaged.

I find crisp adverts weird. The packets are always smooth and pristine, nothing like an actual crisp packet looks. I always thought it was silly that advertisers thought people would be less likely to buy their crisps if the packets looked normal in the adverts but maybe they really are.

I'm obviously a terrible (and stupid) person as I'm honestly baffled at the thought of a child opening a present and then 'exclaiming sadly that the box is torn' rather than being pleased and excited at the gift itself!

I think a lot of people on this thread seem to be forgetting that 'child' doesn't just refer to an excitable toddler. Just like adults, some (slightly older) children will value keeping things nice and new-looking, whilst others won't care at all.

It doesn't make you ungrateful or odd to be both very happy and grateful at being given a lovely new present and also a bit sad that it's been a little spoiled because somebody wasn't careful.

I am on the fence with this one......

Yes, I do sometimes use a small piece of tape to hold the paper to the box, but I do it so that when I come to do the ends I can do it neatly without the box sliding out the opposite end.

BUT.....

I only do it on the BACK and only on items where the box would be thrown away eg children's toys.

I would NEVER do it on something like a book cover!!

That being said, with the exception of things that are "collectibles" I'm struggling to wrap my head around why anyone would care so much that a box which is going to be ripped open anyway needs to be "pristine"

They've been patched up now, so if I were to post pictures (which I'm also reluctant to do, in case this gets back to 'Auntie Laura' and she takes offence at our perceived ingratitude for the gifts, as some PPs already have done on her behalf), people would berate me for caring about something that they would claim 'looks as good as new' (it really doesn't).

Even though a tear can be mitigated somewhat, my point is that it's ludicrous to give somebody a gift that they then need to attempt to repair to make it nice again, when it was fine before it was wrapped. I understand that things eventually get damaged through age, use and accidents, but why anybody would want to needlessly damage something wholly unnecessarily when it's new is completely beyond me.

Do people buy new cars and then merrily throw the doors open into concrete posts and trolley parks, on the grounds that it's only the engine and the interior that matter, so it's irrelevant if you get a great big scratch, dent or gouge on the outside? Obviously, I'm not saying that a game or a book is comparable in value to a new car, but it seems to me to be the same attitude.

Maybe I've just solved my own utter bewilderment at whoever it could possibly be who buys the brand new filthy, mossy, torn clothes that I see in some shops - the ones that look like the delivery lorry crashed and overturned in a field on the way. I'm actually starting to wonder if it's 'a thing' now to think that good condition new items are somehow boring, sad and embarrassing, and that those with any sense of style want them to be marred and soiled. Or is that just another MNism that doesn't necessarily occur irl?!

That being said, with the exception of things that are "collectibles" I'm struggling to wrap my head around why anyone would care so much that a box which is going to be ripped open anyway needs to be "pristine"

Why would an illustrated box that's designed for a game or a puzzle to live in be ripped open?!

I get you on the boxes for games being nicer if they are neat. I'm not going to throw a fuss if they get damaged over time as the game is taken in and out but it is nice if they don't arrive damaged when it could be avoided (though check out Facebook board game groups for people who hate even the tiniest dink on a box corner!). Lego I would be less fussed about as they get built and then the box is just clutter (I am not someone who will be boxing up sets to sell on). Similarly perfume boxes etc wouldn't bother me as they get thrown away. That's it really isn't it, is the outside of the item going to be thrown away (damage from tape on) it is it kept (damage is annoying but probably not worth ruining a relationship over)

For goodness sake, there's a world of suitable options between the passive non-communication of "oh that's a shame" hints and your proposed aggressive alternative of calling her a moron. You're just going from one extreme to another.

Just ask her directly not to tape the box/present because it gets damaged and that's disappointing.

Don't blame her for being a "toddler" because you're incapable of clear or assertive communication.

You're not communicating effectively, that's on you.

Maybe I've just solved my own utter bewilderment at whoever it could possibly be who buys the brand new filthy, mossy, torn clothes that I see in some shops - the ones that look like the delivery lorry crashed and overturned in a field on the way. I'm actually starting to wonder if it's 'a thing' now to think that good condition new items are somehow boring, sad and embarrassing, and that those with any sense of style want them to be marred and soiled. Or is that just another MNism that doesn't necessarily occur irl?!

Your hyperbole is now reaching epic proportions.

I think you could be kind but clear with her and offer to give her a wrapping lesson! Tell her you are teaching your dcs to appreciate and take care of their books so it's a shame to start with a torn cover. Could you show her how you wrap to preserve the gift etc
Maybe even offer to help her next year.

All the people who don't care about looking after books make me sad. I have treasured books that are worn, torn and loved but they're from my childhood and I hope they'll survive for my grandchildren one day. I've taught my dd to cherish and care for the books she loved so her grandchildren will enjoy them too. I think you can love and enjoy books and respect them too.

If you can't face telling her not to do this, maybe give the idiot several small presents in a variety of gift bags and hope that she'll recycle them back to you next year?

OP I now you said Auntie Laura was young and fit, but have you considered she may have dyspraxia? My son has dyspraxia and while he wouldn't make the mistake you describe his wrapping generally looks as if it was done by a young child (he is an adult)- the present is covered/concealed- and undamaged inside- but really looks a bit wrecked. No one minds because we know how hard it is for him, we appreciate the considerable effort he has made.
Now he is an adult and rarely needs to handwrite anything its not at all obvious he has this disability.

Sorry, just saw your response.

I can't know for certain, but I highly doubt that she has dyspraxia. I do have family members (other side of the family) with it, but she shows no signs at all.

She's very meticulous, precise and has good fine motor skills in a lot of things, but this just seems to be an aberration. I still think it must be that she isn't bothered about new things staying nice and thus doesn't understand other people feeling different. In a way, I am testament to this from the opposite viewpoint, as until I started this thread, I had no idea that there were people who really didn't bother about keeping new things nice!

@FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper sorry if some9ne else has mentioned this - buy them magic tape https://scotchbrand.3m.co.uk/3M/en_GB/p/d/v000535623/

Its not 100% removable but it does come off much better than sellotape.

Christ, why does every single thread on Mumsnet always bring in some sort of armchair diagnosis of a learning difficulty or neurodivergence based on absolutely zero evidence? Is it a sort of "I'm more caring than the rest of you because I thought of this"? There is nothing the OP has written that suggests dyspraxia.

I agree, all very tiresome !

Good lord, just tell her!! Say 'Laura your wrapping is damaging a lovely gift' it's easy to use something to hold the paper down ffs then tape it.
I use my phone or tv remote.
She doesn't need diagnosed; she's just daft and thoughtless.

IMO it's a daft thing to do, even if you personally don't care about packaging or book covers or whatever, because the purpose of a gift is (usually) to make the recipient happy, and it's not hard to work out that taping the gift has a high chance of reducing the quantity of happiness you get to give, for the money you spend.

It would be hard not to notice that, in our society at least, most people tend to value un-used, undamaged things more than used or damaged ones, even where the damage makes little to no functional difference. You see this in the care shops take of their stock and its packaging, the discounts you can get even for superficial damage to external food packaging, the grading systems for second-hand books or electronics… it's in your face all the time. Hardly anyone would accept their brand new car coming with a few cosmetic dings. And there's a reason companies spend loads on attractive packaging design, typography, full-colour printing, protective packaging for shipping to avoid scuffs… people are more likely to assign higher value to (and spend more money on) things that are attractive on the outside and which look new and well cared for.

Knowing that, surely you'd infer that there's a good chance your recipient will be one of those who prefer undamaged things, even if the damage is superficial or to a part which will be discarded and doesn't affect function? And there's another layer to it, because you made the recipient cause the damage themselves. So depending on their personality, as well as missing out on the brief but pleasurable period of owning that pristine perfect Whatever, they might also be kicking themselves for instantly damaging their own gift, or even feeling guilty that they weren't careful enough with the nice thing someone gave them.

Giving a gift isn't about what you think the recipient should want, but about what you think they'd like, and chances are they're one of the majority who get a little bit of extra pleasure from something being new and undamaged. You might think it's shallow or materialistic or just baffling to care about a ripped box or cover, but the evidence is all around you that most people like new undamaged things, including the packaging. So unless you know that they share your indifference to damage (and if that's the case, why not save money and buy used?) it seems a bit silly to me to throw away a part of the gift you've paid for, for the sake of easier end-folding.

(DP has been known to do it on occasion, but only on things like plain outer transport boxes, or stuff like plastic shrink-wrap where sellotape won't cause damage. Still weird tho )

Blimey, I wasn't making an armchair diagnosis or trying to seem caring
I specifically said that the person I know who has dyspraxia, one of the more obvious manifestations is an inability to wrap presents. As in, if you didn't know about the disability, you would be very surprised to see how he did it.
In her original posts OP didn't say anything about the Aunt's fine or gross motor skills. Now we know she has good fine motor skills, this seems an unlikely explanation.
So we are back to a difference in aesthetics basically.