Where do guests sleep if you have no spare room?

[SparePartz]

Asking people who only have enough rooms for your family members, not those with extra rooms and guest rooms!

We are considering inviting an older family member, who has recently lost her husband, to stay. I don't think they'd want to come if it meant staying alone in a hotel in the closest town a bus ride away. DS(14) has his own room, as does DD(12), DH and I in the third bedroom. Not sure I can ask DS&DD to share whilst she would be here. Sofa is not a sofa bed type, and could only sleep one anyway. Living area is one room and effectively the corridor between all bedrooms and the bathroom. The only thing I can think of is relative in DD's room, with DD on a mattress on the floor. Seems a bit rude though to not give guest their own space.

How do you house guests if you've not much space?

There's a difference between sharing your space with a sibling and being kicked out of your space.

I'd be really pissed off if I had to knock on my own bedroom door to retrieve an item.

It's about showing your children that they are secure within their own home and that their space and possessions are worthy of respect. It's showing them that they are important and don't just get shoved out of the way at their parents' whim.

I'm autistic and I spent my whole childhood living in my bedroom. I never felt comfortable in the open areas of the house. My parents never asked me to yield my room to a guest. Had they done, I would have absolutely melted down. Just no, that's my space, my sanctuary.

Do all the people suggesting that a child be evicted from his room just walk in unannounced to a child's bedroom, or do you knock first and wait for permission? If you knock first, how can you not see that kicking a child out of their own room is far worse than not knocking because it shows a far greater disrespect for the child and his space?

1 or 2 nights would be my limit for asking the kids to give up their bedroom. It would be a novelty to them for s short amount of time, camping out downstairs.

It's their space, privacy, all their belongings, it's not fair.

You should sleep in the living room with an airbed for one of you and sofa for the other. If you want to invite a guest with limited space it really isn't your kids responsibility. Or help the relative book an air bnb or hotel and be available to provide travel.

People on Mumsnet get so stuffy about not providing a bed for guests and offended about being asked to book a hotel, but if there's no space, there's no space. It just isn't practical.

My dd gave up her room for 10 days for her gran and shared with her brother. She had a trundle on the floor.
She is a teen who can be grumpy but was fine once she started. They actually enjoyed it by the end, although the fact it was Xmas helped.
It isn't a bad idea for older dc to sometimes practice helping others.

As a kid if we had more visitors than space, siblings / cousins shared a bedroom with death glares telling us to be on our best behaviour and not fight like cats and dogs. We also shared a room in hotels so it wasn't that strange. We had an assortment of trundle beds, camp beds and air mattresses. At one point I think four cousins ended up sharing a small room and there wasn't an inch of carpet visible. The kids will be fine to do that for a week or two but honestly, as an adult guest I would find that torturous- I think 5 days is my absolute limit, 3 before I'm likely to be pacing wanting out!

It's not very practical to offer to host when you clearly don't have space especially for a week

As the child who had to leave my room for guests for up to two months at a time, I have a strict rule that I will never make my children give up their rooms. If we don't have room, guests stay in hotels. I will drive them there at night and pick them up in the morning.

It sounds like you want to do a nice thing for this family member but I'd really question how enjoyable it would actually be for her. I agree with PP that for more than a couple of days she will need some private space, I'd expect your kids to need to use their rooms during the day sometimes even if she can have one for sleeping. Do you have enough bathrooms for everyone to be comfortable?

Would all going on a trip to a BnB for a little break work better?

Lounge on an air bed/DSs bed (him on our floor)/local hotel/our bed with us in the lounge. Depends on length of stay and the guest's physical needs.

Haven’t read all the replies but it doesn’t sound to me like you have the space. You sound lovely for trying to make it work though :)

What about booking a UK holiday cottage with a bit more room somewhere nice for an Easter break and inviting her to join you?

We do have a spare now but previously for many years it was good quality airbed and proper sheets/duvet or sofa bed

Also my two cents are that when I was young I didn't mind giving my room to a family member during the school holidays. You're out of routine and the novelty of it is quite fun. It didn't work so well if it was during term time and I just wanted to do my homework in peace or be able to carry on my normal routine on school mornings.

how long will she be staying?
When my mum used to visit, our 2 DCs used to bunk up together in one room for the duration and my mum slept in theirs. (same sex DCs though)

However, as kids me and my brother used to do the same when anyone visited (after my brother was too old to sleep with parents). Once when my GPs visited and we were older i slept on a mattress in the living room, parents in my room (airbed) and GPs in parent's room. I made my brother swap after 2 days because all the olds were early risers and i couldn't sleep in.

I never have guests. The teens can't share a room.

I could not cope with the sort of disruption this will cause for a couple of weeks.

Could one of you visit the relative instead?

Good idea!

Unfortunately while I think this is a lovely impulse, I just don’t think you have enough space. I sympathise, I’m in a small house with narrow rooms which doesn’t leave space for guests.

An airbed in the sitting room or sleeping on the sofa means that room is out of bounds once the person sleeping there wants to go to bed, so either everyone else feels “kicked out” of the communal room early or the lounge-sleeper sits there getting progressively more tired and longing silently to be able to go to bed. Playing musical beds makes it harder for people to get ready for work or school, because somehow there’s always something you need left in the room with the guest that you forgot to grab beforehand.

In happier circumstances or where it’s only for a night or two, it can be more of a “let’s all shake down together” adventure, where it doesn’t matter too much if it’s a bit cramped and awkward or people are in and out of each other’s space. But I think in a recent bereavement situation - especially for a longer stay of 1-2 weeks - it’s important that the bereaved person has somewhere private they can withdraw to when it all becomes a bit too much.

It might be a nice idea in a year or so’s time though, when the grief is less “raw” (so putting up with cramped arrangements is less trying) and a lot of the other support she’ll receive over the next few weeks or months has inevitably fallen away.

One kid leaves her room to sleep on haru in brothers room. Then guest sleeps in her bed.

Just read your expect her to psy for her own hotel?! She won't really be your guest then will she? Just on holiday near your house...this isn't realistic

OP’s DH can work from home in there in case he needs to. If not then guest goes in there, if so then guest goes in with DD and OP