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Original poster

PIL dog vs holiday plans

39 replies

JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 16:24

I love my parents in law so I hesitated to start a moaning thread, but we've spent a lot of time together since Christmas and I could really do with a vent..!!

They have a dog who they certainly love more than they love me, possibly more than their son too 🙄😆. They booked a rare holiday abroad a couple of months ago and then asked us if we'd look after their dog. We said yes, as long as it wasn't x-y dates as we have our own holiday plans. Actually, they didn't ask us outright, they assumed with lots of daft jokey comments about alternatives, and then beat around the bush with details as they needed to check dates etc. Next time it was mentioned we discussed dates, and it emerged that there is indeed a clash of 4 out of the 8 days in question. Conversation moved on and I thought that was it.

A couple of months have passed, and now they have asked again if we are going to be ok to have the dog. I had momentarily forgotten their dates and replied that we were happy to have her whenever we could, as long as it wasn't x week. Discussion ensued between them whether they would get booked in to the preferred kennels now/would they have to cancel etc 🙄 It's not for months yet, so I'm sure there won't be a problem! Then they asked us where we were going. The thing is, although we are firm on which week and a rough plan, nothing is actually booked yet, we were going to sort it in the New Year. We have told them this before. I know they think I am we are being unreasonable... But are we?

I do feel a bit guilty about now booking something, but I don't think I should really? There was a slightly miffed trailing off of 'let us know' 'we'll work it out' etc. I think they are being unreasonable in not accepting our answer the first time and making this feel like my problem. I love dogs. I don't have a dog, and the lack of freedom (on top of that caused by having children!) is the reason why. I've got a feeling this will be brought up again and I don't want to upset them but ARRrrgh! I wish they wouldn't do this!

AHH, that's better, thanks for the rant!😄

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 03/01/2024 16:26

Stick to your plans, otherwise this will happen all the time.

idontlikealdi · 03/01/2024 16:27

Their dog, their problem. And yes I have dogs.

Book it.

GrandHighPoohbah · 03/01/2024 16:28

You need to be much clearer "Sorry PIL, we can't have the dog because, as we told you ages ago, we are away that week"

Interested in this thread?

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Dogs
Spirallingdownwards · 03/01/2024 16:32

We can't have your dog that week. We are away too.

thinktwice36 · 03/01/2024 16:35

“We’ve booked that week to be off work and go away, will be deciding on location nearer the time and hoping for a late bargain. Sorry we can’t take your dog (YOUR DOG!) for those dates. “

I have several dogs, love them to bits. They are my problem when I decide to go on holiday! X

Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 16:36

Thanks all, of course you are right. I'm not a push over and I will book it. But this dynamic of creating issues where there were none or making me feel like their problems are my problems really irritates me because largely we otherwise get on really well! DH just gets a bit irritable with them but then moves on, but I don't want to play into the awkward dil role by getting arsey with them. I will work on letting it wash over me a bit easier though...

OP posts:
BrioLover · 03/01/2024 16:37

They're hoping you take pity on them and take the dog, and change your plans. Which is why they're blithering about kennels and trying to leave it open.

DH just needs to tell them that you will be away and therefore you cannot look after the dog, and that they must make other plans. Preferably in a text or email so that it is in writing and they can't keep on at you.

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 03/01/2024 16:38

Their dog, completely their problem. If they want a favour they need to ask, directly and clearly, for what they want and then accept and remember the answer given. Preferably before they book their holiday.

Forget all this “we’ll work it out”, up in the air nonsense because that’s going to result in no kennel booking and last minute guilt tripping - you need to tell them bluntly right now that no you are not having the dog on x til y days because you will be away. There is nothing to work out or talk about. The fact you’ve not booked anything yet is irrelevant, you have plans. Dog will just have to go somewhere else.

LaurieStrode · 03/01/2024 16:40

They need to go on Rover.com and find a live-in sitter.

BethDuttonsTwin · 03/01/2024 16:47

I’d help my PIL out if I hadn’t already booked firm dates. I don’t really understand why you wouldn't, unless you absolutely hate dogs or something.

Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 16:50

I invite you to re-read my post @BethDuttonsTwin .... I do not hate dogs, or them, or their dog, and a re-read should help you - assuming you are not just on a wind up.

The dates are firm. It is that week or not at all this year. I could just not book anything. And they could find alternatives for the dog with months of notice.

OP posts:
EffortlessDelegation · 03/01/2024 16:54

Just say "that's the only week we can both get off work, sorry, we told you this ages ago."

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/01/2024 17:00

Obviously this is just my belief about it and they probably feel differently, but when you take on a pet you also make sturdy arrangements about its care when you go on holiday or have to be away.

We don't have a dog but we have a cat, and I will ask DSis to look after her (comprising going over twice a day to feed, sort litter tray and any other little things) if we'll be away for, say, a weekend. Any longer and she goes to the cattery. I feel it's too much to ask DSis to do it for longer than that (fortunately she lives near us).

So really I'm thinking why don't they just book their dog in the kennels/get petsitter/whatever without actually troubling you? It's their pet, it's their problem, not yours!

I also think the way they've gone about it is really bad form. It's a huge favour to ask and they should be very clear and upfront about what they'd like you to do. Messing about hinting is just poor manners.

Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 17:05

I think they have her in the category of 'family' rather than 'pet' and probably assume I do too, which maybe explains their thought process around it a bit, although they have used (posh!) kennels/boarding before and it was ok. But to me, as lovely as she is, she is a beloved pet. And not even my pet! 😆

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 03/01/2024 17:10

If you told them you can't do that week just stick to your guns. It is none of their business whether you are going away or not but presumably you have booked time off work and want to be free to travel not tied into looking after someone else's dog. Tell them to book kennels.

HaPPy8 · 03/01/2024 17:15

is there really only one week in the whole year you could go? It does seem a bit strange that this would be the case. Of course it’s not your dog or responsibility and just not wanting to would be fine … but to have not booked anything and then say it’s the only possible week you can go away seem a bit …. I don’t know suspicious! What does your husband think? As it’s his parents after all.

TempleOfBloom · 03/01/2024 17:17

Why on earth would you feel guilty or obligated?

This is your only chance of a holiday this year, you told them from the off what dates you could not take the dog… why should YOU cancel your holiday? This is mad!

TempleOfBloom · 03/01/2024 17:21

They should have checked with you before they booked their holiday.

Ridiculous.

Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 17:26

Ok, to clarify.. it's not the only possible week to go anywhere, and we are going away for a week in the summer too. But it is the only possible week for this trip, and we missed our chance (for other reasons) last year too. Does that make me more unreasonable? We do help them a lot and do whatever we can for them, as families do. They do have options here, I don't feel like we're dropping them in it! I'm irritated how they've gone about it and made it my problem and I wanted a moan, but also a mn sense check.

OP posts:
TempleOfBloom · 03/01/2024 17:31

But they haven’t made it your problem.

You said you can take the dog for some of the time and not the rest. Yes, they are trying to guilt trip you but you don’t have to absorb that or take any notice. Just keep repeating : no, as we have always said we can’t do the Xth to the Yth.

TempleOfBloom · 03/01/2024 17:34

Kennels exist
Pet sitters exist
Holiday foster care for dogs exists.

You seem hell bent on martyrdom.

Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 17:38

You are right of course. I guess the problem they have given me is negotiating slightly stressed and irritated in laws to start the new year with, when we've just had a fairly harmonious Christmas! My instinct is always to help or smooth things over, but I think this is where I need to get better at letting it wash over me and just move on! DH rolls his eyes in private and repeats what we've told them when they've brought it up but then ignores it. They always wait for it to be me, or me and dh to have awkward conversations, it's never just him alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
JazzFourth · 03/01/2024 17:39

@TempleOfBloom Noted, thank you 😆 I will book our trip, but I will also work on opting out of their drama a bit more. New year's resolution!

OP posts:
CouldYouReallyBeArsed · 03/01/2024 17:45

Why is any of this falling on you? Tell DH to tell them.

saraclara · 03/01/2024 17:48

CouldYouReallyBeArsed · 03/01/2024 17:45

Why is any of this falling on you? Tell DH to tell them.

I was about to say the same. It's his place to say what a pp suggested:
"that's the only week we can both get off work, sorry, we told you this ages ago."