Abusive Autistic teenage son

[lostthelight]

NC.

I am at my wits end with my early Autistic 14 year old son. I just want to open the window and not look back. I have done everything!
Non violent resistant programme, Art Therapy, behaviour-list, psychotherapies, Horse therapy. But nothing I do is working. I have left an abusive relationship to be intertwined with other one?!!!

My DS is progressively getting worse, he threatens to kill me when angry, swears at me, hits me and tries to wrestle with me, slams the door, wants to destroy my house, squares up to me, calls me filth. I cannot put any boundary with him at the risk of him getting upset. Whenever I ignore his swearing, his attitude towards me (which a few of the courses tell me to do) he becomes worse and feels he can do what he pleases. I called the police once on him, and he stopped the behaviour for two weeks (longest ever) before starting all over again.

I have isolated myself from everyone due to this. I no longer speak to my friends, I just manage to go to work and I'm thinking of quitting that soon. We are moving out soon and I am dreading it as the new neighbours will hate us- we will be THAT family. You know what? I don't think there's any point to living anymore.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. If you haven’t already done one, I really recommend the courses run by Yvonne Newbold for parents of disabled children with violent or controlling behaviour.
https://yvonnenewbold.com/resources-on-send-vcb/violent-challenging-behaviour-the-basics/

If you go to SS and tell them to take your child because you are suicidal and can no longer care for them, then they will do so. They will find respite care with a foster carer whilst they assess the DC. I know this because I have looked after such a DC myself in the past and they were eventually placed into a children's residential home.

I read your post and felt like we are living the same life although I literally have no walls left in my house becuase when it’s not me being abused it’s eveything else. Every day is eggs shells waiting to see what is going to set him off. I have had to sleep in my car outside the house for my own saftey. I have had every theapy , family base, ABA,BCBA meds phyciatrist , one on ones for years. He has gone to crisis and they sent him home in 2 weeks with no outside support. The doctors say he can’t emotionally regulate and masks the stressors at school and comes home to his safe spot and in his punching bag. He literally beat things or me to be in submission. Sometimes I ask myself is this realy autism or learned behavior from his other parent. Either way no one can get too root cause and residential would be perfect but I’m sure like you the access to get in on a waiting list that you never get placement and day in an day out you wonder if you will make it one more day. I don’t have any answers , I just wanted you to know you are not alone and completely undertand the amount of energy and time and advocacy you have done all this time to make sure your child is ok and that they will be the best version of themselves. If your like me sometimes you just ask yourself what else is their left to do and no one ever has the answers and you just keep looking for help anyway. I hear you and know all too well. Sending hugs from one mom to another.