What age do you think is too old to become a first time dad?

[Pianodiano]

I know men can biologically be a lot older than women but wondering about ethics/energy levels/time spent with child, plus any increased risks not sure if there are any.

Simply curious because people often talk about women but not men!

People often talk about women because they are the ones whose body has to carry the baby for nine months and then recover from the birth. They are the ones whose fertility ceases in middle age. They are invariably the ones who end up doing most of the childcare.

Men do not have any of these issues.

Personally I think late 40's is old enough. Definitely 50 - but I've seen negative consequences to older dads that colours my views

Every man I know gets creaky and more fatigued in their 40s then cranky and less patient in their 50s. Sadly.

So I'd say late 20s/early 30s for first dc, so their eldest is into secondary school before they wind down.

Obvs there are exceptions, I'm not saying all men. But certainly all the ones round me.

Risks of being an older father include

• 2-fold increased risk of miscarriage
• 2-fold increased risk of pre-term birth
• 1.9-fold increased risk of pre-term death
• 25 percent increased risk of birth defects
• 2-fold increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities
• 10-fold increased risk of disease due to single gene mutations
• 5-fold increased risk of childhood and adult diseases (such as autism, schizophrenia, bipolar and epilepsy)
• Higher risk for adverse birth outcomes, such as low birth weight, seizures and need for ventilation immediately after birth
• Increased risk of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and schizophrenia later in life.

Many men suffer from erectile dysfunction in middle age.Not sure what the stats are but it's probably much higher than we think.
Traditionally, the inability of a couple to have children is assumed to be the woman's 'fault'.

Yes but many also make a whole heap of value judgements on the age itself! Implying that being a mother to a primary aged child in your 50s is tantamount to child cruelty. That you won't have the energy to be a fun parent etc.

I don't think there's a single answer to the question because so many factors other than age will play a part.

DH and his ex were 44 when their DD was born. Now they're approaching 60 and she still hasn't even done her GCSEs (and they split up when she was tiny). On reflection, it was too late, he says.

It depends. Is he rich? Is he healthy? What age is the mother?
Plenty of kids have no Dad. So an old Dad is probably a head start on NO DAD

It’s not my situation, my DH is still in his 20s just wondering generally

45 definitely.

Same as women, late 30s at latest.

The health implications especially for the child are mostly not as obvious for men, but they still exist and should be more widely discussed.

In my opinion, if you want to start a family, do it young.

You are already married, which IMO, you should be before deciding to make a baby. (Legal commitment, because he will be your child's father for life)

Do not assume that you will get pregnant quickly, or that you won't.

I know many who left it until their mid-30s before TTC. IVF is not easy or guaranteed.

20 years before they want to retire

40 I reckon. The main issue is that you want to be well as possible and alive for as long as possible for your child. No one knows what the future holds of course.

Also, interesting, there's more research to show that the age of the father does have a bearing on embryo/ baby health/ likelihood of neurodivergence etc.

Depending on circumstances, for me it’s the same age as women. I wouldn’t choose to become a parent after around 38+ years personally. Ideally before 30. Definitely not after 40, for any DC but especially a first DC. I appreciate life doesn’t always go to plan and everyone is different.

On the flip side I totally disagree with a PP about marriage. I purposely chose not to be married before making a baby to protect myself and that baby. Circumstances differ.

Oh for sure. We are TTC now. This is just more curiousitt rather than it being our situation :)

Yes agree a clear 20 years before retirement

My dad was 62 when I was born, he was a great dad and even out lived my mum (44) at the time. He always took me places and had lots of energy and definitely more involved in my upbringing then all of my friends fathers.

I don't think there is a cut off point within reason if the man is generally up for helping out and taking an active role. Better than some feckless youngster forced into fatherhood against their will. Or even older men in this position.

Two years ago, two male colleagues became dads at 48. (Their partners were both under 35).

For one man the child was his first baby, and he says he feels fine, not particularly tired etc BUT he hasn't done it before, and he and his partner both work part time and have grandparent help. .

For one man the child was is 4th baby, and he says knackered from doing nights and nappies etc 3 times before. He and his partner both have senior full time roles. They have no family help, and also have some caring responsibilities for older relatives.

I think this shows that there are a lot of variables that influence the holistic ability of being a late father.

I tend to think early 40s.

late 20 or eary 30s is the perfect time in my opinion.

@KThnxBye , you're the exception not the rule. You can get a marriage ended, but once you have someone's child he will always be your child's father.

Women often end up working fewer hours if they have children, and the 'it's just a piece of paper' argument means the woman gets stuffed if the parents split up.

Just based on 60 something men in my family I'd think mid to late 40s. I can't imagine these older men having the energy to cope with children or teenagers. I don't think it's ageist to acknowledge that we have an aging process.

When I was a student I used to nanny for a family, the dad was 59 with a newborn and would CONSTANTLY fall asleep. His wife (20 years younger) was furious most of the time about it. He was a very ‘old’ 59 though, walked hunched over, talked slow and confusingly.

I think it’s very person dependent though. How much of a zest for life they have, and how healthy they keep.

No older than a healthy 50 I’d say. From the child’s point of view if their father is old it means they’re unlikely to have two sets of grandparents which I think is a pity.