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Original poster

Is it evil to suggest 11 year old pays half new trainers from Christmas money?

43 replies

tooneedyme · 31/12/2023 22:06

DS got some gift vouchers and money for Christmas. He never knows what to spend his money on other than Robux or soft toys . He already got Robux at Christmas as a gift and spent his vouchers on soft toys. He goes through alot of trainers and with his age is starting to want the more expensive versions. I say a pair in the Nike sale and showed him them. He liked them until I said I would pay half and he could pay half then he looked at me in horror! Earlier we had been in the Nike outlet and I had bought him a new pair of football boots in the sale so it isn't like I never buy anything for him but now wonder if it's cruel to ask him to pay half. My reasoning was that we wouldn't normally spend so much on a pair of trainers so it was a compromise getting cool ones and paying a bit to them.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 31/12/2023 22:11

He's eleven he needs to start understanding budgets.

This is your budget. He can choose to stick to that budget or he can choose to top it up.

He will soon either learn to spend less on trainers or that it's worth his while to put in the extra.

It's his choice.

Bouncyball23 · 31/12/2023 22:18

So you picked the trainers an now want him to pay half?
If you can't afford the ones you like then set a budget you can afford and let him pick himself if he goes over then he pays the extra.

Growlybear83 · 31/12/2023 22:19

Of course you can't expect him to spend his xmas money on trainers unless he wants a pair or style thst you would not normally buy for him!

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LikeIDontExist · 31/12/2023 22:19

Bouncyball23 · 31/12/2023 22:18

So you picked the trainers an now want him to pay half?
If you can't afford the ones you like then set a budget you can afford and let him pick himself if he goes over then he pays the extra.

Succinctly put.

LordSnot · 31/12/2023 22:20

Bouncyball23 · 31/12/2023 22:18

So you picked the trainers an now want him to pay half?
If you can't afford the ones you like then set a budget you can afford and let him pick himself if he goes over then he pays the extra.

This. If it was something he dearly wanted then sure, take an opportunity to teach him about the value of money. But to point them out to him then say he can only have them if he spends his Christmas money isn't fair.

Lunde · 31/12/2023 22:21

Does he actually want the trainers?

PeopleAreWeird · 31/12/2023 22:22

You picked them and then told him he has to pay half? 🥴

TooFondOfBooks · 31/12/2023 22:24

I can understand his look of horror because you’ve always just bought his clothes/shoes etc. I’d sit him down & have a wee chat about why you suggested it; & reassure him that it’s not a punishment for wanting designer stuff, nor are you concealing a dire financial situation from him, & you’re certainly not planning to make him pay his own way from now on! (Children often make those sorts of leaps & then worry away over them; obviously you’ll know how prone your DS is to that, but…)

Anyway, is what you’d normally spend on his trainers half of the cost of the designer pair? If so, suggesting you go halves is the reasonable split, though perhaps still a big jump for the first time. If you’d usually spend more though, you should be paying that much & getting him to make up the payment to the full amount: that’s the fair way to do it.

Ormside · 31/12/2023 22:25

YABU

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2023 22:26

PeopleAreWeird · 31/12/2023 22:22

You picked them and then told him he has to pay half? 🥴

This!

Daffyyellow · 31/12/2023 22:26

I think you need to set his expectations before the shopping trip. Why does he need trainers - are they a want (he contributes) or a need (you pay for the usual standard, he can choose to pay the upgrade to branded)?

flawlessandfearless · 31/12/2023 22:27

Bouncyball23 · 31/12/2023 22:18

So you picked the trainers an now want him to pay half?
If you can't afford the ones you like then set a budget you can afford and let him pick himself if he goes over then he pays the extra.

This! ^

I'm an adult and if my husband picked me something, asked if I wanted it and then wanted me to pay for it I'd tell him to shove it.

Ragruggers · 31/12/2023 22:27

If they are more expensive than you normally pay then yes he could be given the choice to pay half.Some of these trainers are stupid money just for the logo.Is he into designer items? I don’t understand why 11 year old want soft toys but my grandchildren are the same.Such cheaply made rubbish which falls apart.

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 22:28

No, he shouldn’t pay.

If he needs trainers set a budget and if he wants more expensive ones then he can put money towards.

You looking at trainers and showing him expensive ones, then telling him after he needs to out half isn’t ok, imo.

LightSwerve · 31/12/2023 22:28

I think a kid needs a pair of non-school shoes, and they should be bought by the parents.

You set a trainer budget, he chooses the trainers, and then if he wants to go above it he can use his own money.

If you have a low family budget, you have to explain to him that the budget for trainers is low.

CanImakethisbetter · 31/12/2023 22:28

flawlessandfearless · 31/12/2023 22:27

This! ^

I'm an adult and if my husband picked me something, asked if I wanted it and then wanted me to pay for it I'd tell him to shove it.

Show quote history

This

Sodie · 31/12/2023 22:30

There are some brilliant sales on Nike for trainers. Maybe show him and set it to within your budget? My son is 11 and I got a pair more than half price

Delassalle · 31/12/2023 22:31

It at 11. It's your duty to provide footwear.

When he's 16 and wanting a very expensive pair then you can suggest he puts some money towards them.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 31/12/2023 22:32

If my child needs trainers then I will buy them up to a reasonable budget to get something that suits the need, they like and that fit.

If my child wants new trainers but does not need them then they can buy them from their own money

This applies to my 11 year old and also my older teens who get clothing allowance. I buy their essentials eg school uniform, school shoes, one pair of casual out of school shoes and reasonable sports/hobby related costs. Anything else is their responsibility.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 31/12/2023 22:32

I do think that its reasonable for him to pay anything over what the budget would normally be. But I also think that that needs to be explained beforehand, especially if this is the first time it's happened and he's used to not having to pay. It's not surprising he looked shocked if he had no reason to expect it.

Comedycook · 31/12/2023 22:34

I do this with my ds if he wants ridiculously expensive trainers. I'll happily buy him shoes he needs and I'll happily buy decent branded trainers but if he wants £100 + pair then he has to contribute from his own money. So I'll buy him a pair up to £60 and if he wants something that costs more he can pay the extra. I think it's fair enough

Snugglemonkey · 31/12/2023 22:34

Not evil, but not ok either. Especially the way you went about. I would have been horrified too.

FuppinNora · 31/12/2023 22:36

Nah you are being unreasonable to ask him to pay half for trainers that he hasn't asked for. Granted if you picked a pair out e.g. £40 and he say no he wanted £60 ones, then that's when you get him to pay as it his choosing.

edwinbear · 31/12/2023 22:37

If he needs new trainers, you should be buying them up to a maximum, specified budget. Anything over the budget, he contributes.

If he wants new trainers, despite already having a perfectly good pair, he pays for them himself.

saraclara · 31/12/2023 22:44

I had an amount that I was willing to spend on particular items of clothing when my kids were post primary age/teens. If they wanted a particular labelled kind (remember Adidas popper trousers?) then they needed to pay the difference from pocket money (for jobs) Christmas/birthday money or later, Saturday jobs.

It wasn't down to the penny or anything, but paying twice my budget just for them to fit in simply wasn't doable. They were fine with that.

We have family on the other side of the world and they loved our trips there, so they knew that their dad and I had to keep to a tight budget to be able to take them. I'm sure they'd equally have understood if we simply hadn't had the money.

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