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Original poster

Who chooses family holiday with older DC?

38 replies

AboutYesterday · 31/12/2023 21:43

We have 2 DC, who this summer will be 16 and 20. The oldest is in his 2nd year at University.

If we can’t all agree on where to go for a family holiday, should we just shelve the idea of a holiday completely? I can’t find anything in budget that we are all happy with. We had a great week away last summer and it was in budget as long as we were careful. We all enjoyed it but they don’t want to go back to the same place and I can’t find anywhere else as good for the price. We would be paying for the holiday. We can only afford one week away per year and that’s by saving hard and lots of research on prices/locations/offers.

Should we choose or should it be their choice? Or, if we can’t agree, is it best to save the money and just make the most of summer at home? It’s no longer feeling like much of a joy yet I’d love a week in the sun.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 31/12/2023 21:45

I think you decide and if they want to come they can. If not, enjoy your child free time in the sun!

FawnFrenchieMum · 31/12/2023 21:48

You’re the adult paying for it, of course you choose! At 20 there is no obligation to come, at 16 your choice if they come or not.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 31/12/2023 21:48

Split the week. Week end city break with dc and short sunny trip dc-free....

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Holidays
Original poster
AboutYesterday · 31/12/2023 21:56

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 31/12/2023 21:48

Split the week. Week end city break with dc and short sunny trip dc-free....

We couldn’t afford that many flights unfortunately.

OP posts:
Jingleballs2 · 31/12/2023 21:58

Who's paying for it?

Shodan · 31/12/2023 22:00

Since my divorce 7 years ago, ds1, ds2 and I decide together. Ds1 was 20 when we started doing holidays just the three of us and at uni, so would chip in a bit but I paid for nearly all of it. Now at 27 he pays his own way, and will for his girlfriend.

What usually happens is I ask where they fancy going, or failing that, what kind of holiday they want.

So one year I suggested driving to France. DS1 wanted to visit the war cemeteries. Ds2 wanted to visit the Louvre. I fancied Versailles. The rule is that everyone must enjoy (or appear to enjoy) the other choices of activity, so that no-one feels uncomfortable.

Another year we went to Italy. Ds1 chose not to come on one or two trips that ds2 and I did, which was fine.

This year will be the Black Forest, or somewhere near the Swiss/French border. The following year will be DisneyWorld.

I always book AirBnB or a villa/house through VRBO to ensure we all have our own space- we all need decompression time away from each other!

If you want the sun, look at places that aren't the 'usual' haunts for summer holidays. We're not bothered about lying in the sun so that makes it easier for us- it also makes it a lot cheaper, I find.

charliecoopershair · 31/12/2023 22:00

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 31/12/2023 21:48

Split the week. Week end city break with dc and short sunny trip dc-free....

We did this.

All flew to Lisbon, did city break, adult children flew home, we went to the coast by train for a week on our own then flew home.

Doteycat · 31/12/2023 22:03

At 20 it wld be , we are going to xyz, you are welcome to come, and I'm happy to fund you, you interested? Totally fine if not.
And then I'd book my week in the sun. I'd prob run it by the 16yr old for any serious objections but other than that I'd be suiting myself and dh.

LordSnot · 31/12/2023 22:04

I would try hard to find something you're all okay with even if it isn't top choice.

Failing that, the people who are paying choose. But I wouldn't choose something either child particularly hated as it could look like you don't want them to come.

Not having a holiday is a silly choice IMO.

Original poster
AboutYesterday · 01/01/2024 17:14

The 20 year old now seems accepting of the fact we are paying and inviting them to join us if they wish. The 16 year old says they don’t want to go to the same place as last year and wants a “doing things” type holiday - eg Disney Paris. They are having a couple of short school trips this year and I selfishly feel that they should be grateful for any holiday we offer them and not expect to call the shots when it’s our only holiday. Same 16 year old is very happy to spend hours “doing nothing” online with friends at home 🙄

OP posts:
Jingleballs2 · 01/01/2024 18:14

Then the parents choose and the 16 year old can suck it up

Doteycat · 01/01/2024 18:18

My compromise would be maybe not going to the same place as last year but nah I'd not be doing Disney.
The only reason I'd give the 16 Yr old any say is cos they can be annoying on hols if not happy.
I'd suggest somewhere they can 'do things' like jetski or hire a boat or some teenage kicks kind of sport thing like parasailing.

grimcas · 01/01/2024 18:21

If you're paying you choose.

QueenofLouisiana · 01/01/2024 18:25

We compromised when DS was 16/17. So I wanted warm and sunny, he is into military history. DH just wanted “somewhere new”. We went to Strasbourg which covered a bit of all of these requests.

mondaytosunday · 01/01/2024 18:29

I have an 18 and 20 year old. We've just come back from a holiday in the US which was fantastic, but we were visiting family and hadn't been in four years. This summer we hope to go to Spain, again to a place we know and haven't been to since pre-pandemic.
But I didn't holiday with my parents after I turned 18. Many kids that age go away with bf/gf or mates.
Basically, the one paying gets final say, and if kids don't want to come then they miss the holiday or (if your child at uni works) fund their own.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 01/01/2024 19:06

As adults DH and I have always chosen - even if sometimes the choice was particularly made with DC in mind (Butlins , DLP). From the age when we felt comfortable leaving DS behind (16-17) we have said 'we are going here - do you want to come?' Once starting work and limited holiday, his choice was to come if abroad but not in the UK. DS now early 20s and living independently but we still book two bed apartment/villa with an outstanding invitation they can join us if they wish .

Tel12 · 01/01/2024 19:09

This is easy. You're paying, you choose. If you are kind enough to offer to pay for them to come along then it's up to them.

NancyJoan · 01/01/2024 19:15

Would your 16 yr old like to bring a friend?

Ask him to come up with some more suggestions of a doing things holiday? A city break? Or lots of sports options?

ZenNudist · 01/01/2024 19:17

I think you get to choose and 16yo can stay home with some neighbours friends or family looking in on them. I certainly didn't go on family holidays after 15.

Alternatively there are plenty of places you could go that have a fun element for 16yo that won't break the bank and you still get the flop by the pool time too.

Have you considered Spanish coast flying to Reus and going to Portaventurer for a day? Looks amazing. You can get a reasonably priced villa on Spain-Holiday website.

or how about a day in gardaland on Lake garda and stay on the shores of Garda in budget accommodation. Try eurocamp or similar. Bella Italia looks good and cheaper not booked through eurocamp. Personally I prefer VRBO Apartment with shared pool. Pescheria del garda or around there for ease of reaching the theme park.

Also Poland 🇵🇱 have you looked there? I'm considering that this summer. A flight to Gdansk and staying in Sopot but I'm going to travel to the masurian lakes as well. You could fly into gdansk get a bit of culture in gdansk and gdynia, then go to the coast for a few days travel down to Energylandia (long drive, don't know about trains) and then fly back from Krakow. Wouldn't be too pricey.

Also the black forest in Germany. Easyjet flight to basel, book an apartment in rust Germany (need a car) go to Europapark and its waterpark Rutlantica (expensive but meant to be better than disney) then few days chilling out again campsite/ lodge type accommodation in black forest with shared pool, or vrbo it
Eat black forest gateaux!

I'm a theme park fan and so I have lots of ideas for theme park plus culture/ sun holidays.

Mazuslongtoenail · 01/01/2024 19:19

You choose and they can come or not come. It wouldn’t occur to me to do it any other way.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/01/2024 19:28

I think with your older DC once they start wrinkling their nose at perfectly good family holiday suggestions and saying "nah.." then if you're the ones paying it's time to start doing separate holidays. Even if you all get on great and have enjoyed family holidays in the recent past they do start forming their own idea of what's fun once they're off at uni living their own lives and often it doesn't align with your ideas. And they want to make their own decisions about everything, which means that you'd have that dithering every day of the holiday. Their daily routine starts to be different to yours etc No-one's right or wrong, it's just a young adult starting to want to do their own thing their way, as much as they might enjoy being with you.

So..... book where suits you, DH and the youngest, and the older one comes or not. I mean, they're getting a good deal - a free holiday and presumably you're already helping with uni costs?! DH and I went to Rome for a few days this year, without either DC. We surprised ourselves by how much we enjoyed it being just the 2 of us, without having to factor in what the kids wanted.

We're in a similar boat to you this year for our summer holiday. Year before last we had an amazing W Coast USA road trip which we all loved. I'd do it again with them if I can get cheap enough flights but it's like the stars have to align for it all to work. DS1 might be doing an internship but doesn't know the dates, DS2 might be going away with his mates after A-levels etc etc. So it's all up in the air.

They have both said they'd do a French/Swiss alps summer holiday. But it will be have to be booked in Spring I think at this dithery rate.

baubl · 01/01/2024 19:29

Ah I remember those days...it's so hard finding something that suits everyone isn't it?

We did manage to find holidays that had something for everyone...but it was hard work. We went on a cruise which was generally enjoyed by all, and island hopping in Greece.

I did get to the point a couple of times when one or the other was being too picky where I said they could stay at home and we would just go without them.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/01/2024 19:34

Another thing to think of is what TYPE of holiday YOU want. If you're just desperate to flop on a sunlounger for a week somewhere warm and read a book and the idea of a busy city break or road trip fills you with dread then maybe it's time to just do the fly and flop? If they want to come enough they'd come.

HippoStraw · 01/01/2024 19:40

Mine were similar ages and situation last year. Eldest could come or not as they wished, however I at least listened to the younger and tried to compromise because I wasn’t really prepared to leave them at home for a week alone.

Favouritefruits · 01/01/2024 19:42

I think family holidays should be a family decision, as long as the destinations are within budget why shouldn’t everyone have a say, I let my two under 10s have an opinion! Last year we went to Denmark, it wouldn’t have been my first choice but the kids really wanted to go so we went and had a great time!