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Original poster

Irrationally grumpy about unexpected visitors

41 replies

SaltedCaramelSlice · 31/12/2023 08:14

Any words to help me feel less grumpy about this? DH and I are away for a few days at our new holiday cabin (will be our permanent home in future but not fully set up yet). His mum called earlier and said they’re coming up to see us tomorrow. It’s a 3 hour drive from where they live. His sister is camping close by so I think his parents want to see them as well. We all spent Christmas together last week.

His sister came round today with her 5 year old for a shower and ended up spending all afternoon with us. Fine but not really how I’d planned to spend my afternoon. Same as tomorrow, the forecast is nice and I’d wanted to go exploring or just chill in the sun after some crap weather (it’s summer here).

I think I’m grumpy because I want to chill, not host, and because it’s pretty rural and we only really bought supplies for ourselves. I’m feeling like a bitch for being grumpy about it and I don’t want to be unwelcoming tomorrow. Help!

OP posts:
TookTheBook · 31/12/2023 08:17

YABU I think as most people would be happy to see family.

But then again, if you feel so strongly, grow a backbone. If someone said to me "I'm coming to visit tomorrow" and I didn't want them to, I'd say "sorry not this week, we are busy".

Maybe your issue is your partner - presumably your partner said yes without asking you as it's his family? Can't he "host" in that case? You need to discuss expectations with him - in future you don't want guests.

Original poster
SaltedCaramelSlice · 31/12/2023 08:32

Oh I know I’m being unreasonable - that’s why I asked for any tips to be less irrationally grumpy!

OP posts:
Bolloxforsure · 31/12/2023 08:35

You’re not being unreasonable at all. People can’t decide when they visit you. Is your husband keen?

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 31/12/2023 08:35

If they make noises about coming back again, do the mn classic and hand them a shopping list of things to pick up!

CactusPat · 31/12/2023 08:35

I don’t think it’s irrational at all tbh. But, the only answer is to tell them not to come, or suck it up, as you know.

Can PILs bring supplies and you specify a ‘going home’ time/day for everyone so you still get dome downtime?

Sisterpita · 31/12/2023 08:36

YANBU you planned a chilled out few days away and your family have unilaterally decided to visit forcing you to change your plans.

RedStripeypillow · 31/12/2023 08:37

He can host while you chill. Feign a headache. Read a book, sit in the sun. Let him get in the food, make drinks.

Don't tell them next time you go to your cabin.

RowanMayfair · 31/12/2023 08:38

YANBU!
Text them a list of things they need to bring. And if they try it again tell them sorry you're busy. After seeing them all over Christmas you deserve a break!

akissbeforebed · 31/12/2023 08:38

Just tell them you only brought enough stuff for yourselves so can they bring food/drink/bedding/towels etc. with them

I know exactly how you feel though. The end of a busy period is for decompressing and chilling.

RedStripeypillow · 31/12/2023 08:39

Agree to telling them you only gave food for you and they must bring supplies.

DobbyRuth · 31/12/2023 08:39

YANBU. I would never dream of imposing myself on someone like your intruders are!

Bestyearever2024 · 31/12/2023 08:42

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. But I do think that if you're going to be living there eventually, you will have to learn to boundary and say no

Whataretheodds · 31/12/2023 08:42

Totally agree - have they assumed they're staying overnight with you? You/your DH needs to give them a list of things they need to bring and tell them. "Our plan is to chill in the sunshine" and then do that - don't be jumping up waiting on them.

Tallerandtall · 31/12/2023 08:44

@SaltedCaramelSlice

not unreasonable atall

go out tell them when they can pop by if they can
say bring food as you don’t have
or just say you are busy

Dinkydoo17 · 31/12/2023 08:44

I'd be grumpy too tbh. They obviously fancy a little holiday too! It's a bit rude of them to 'tell' you they're coming rather than 'ask'. Don't tell them your plans next time. YANBU

EveryOtherNameTaken · 31/12/2023 08:45

YANBU!! Everyone's coming to have a nosey while you just want to relax.

Tell them you're not quite ready to host yet as you want to finalise stuff. Then you can give them dates when you're free.

Go for that walk!

Mojolostforever · 31/12/2023 08:46

No wonder there are so many who end up lonely. It seems to be fashionable just now, to shut other people out of your life..

mangochops · 31/12/2023 08:46

Sisterpita · 31/12/2023 08:36

YANBU you planned a chilled out few days away and your family have unilaterally decided to visit forcing you to change your plans.

I agree. Your family are the unreasonable ones here- you literally just spent Christmas with them so it's not as if you don't spend time with them. Its really rude to just insert yourself into someone else's relaxing break.

Agree with asking them to bring stuff.

Therealjudgejudy · 31/12/2023 08:48

Yanbu. Give them a list of what they need to bring and leave the hosting to your husband

Bestyearever2024 · 31/12/2023 08:49

Mojolostforever · 31/12/2023 08:46

No wonder there are so many who end up lonely. It seems to be fashionable just now, to shut other people out of your life..

Alone doesn't = lonely

Not for me, anyway

Holidayhell22 · 31/12/2023 08:49

yanbu.
You have only just spent time with them.
I’d get your dh to tell them that you were planning on spending the day alone chilling and that you do not have enough food if drink for them. Then take it from there.

MrsSweatyBetty · 31/12/2023 08:51

Sod the list, just tell them you have a migraine and you're not up for visitors.

If that's not possible, make them food you know they don't like. My in laws used to turn up every Sunday uninvited, they stopped when my husband made pasta 3 weeks in a row.

Ariela · 31/12/2023 08:52

Tell your DH to let his parents know you only brought enough food for the 2 of you so please can they bring (list)

JustExistingNotLiving · 31/12/2023 08:55

Avoiding the discussion on who told MIL she was welcome etc….

In my experience, the only way to enjoy them coming over is to let go of your expectations you were going to xyz and to embrace the fact family is coming over.
Im assuming here that you are normally happy to see either PIL or SIL!

So Id concentrate on how you normally feel when you see them, the fact (as an example, you’ll have to find your MIL qualities!) that you really enjoy a chat with MIL, that she is quite funny etc… and make a plan to do all the stuff you wanted to do next time you are there.

Also if you feel you really DO need a break, try and enrol your MIL in some chilling out, leave your DH with his family for a couple of hours or let him entertain them - you don’t have to do it all iyswim

Hope it helps :)

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 08:57

How do people just turn up to someone’s holiday which clearly wasn’t apart of the plan? Madness