Irrationally grumpy about unexpected visitors

[SaltedCaramelSlice]

Any words to help me feel less grumpy about this? DH and I are away for a few days at our new holiday cabin (will be our permanent home in future but not fully set up yet). His mum called earlier and said they’re coming up to see us tomorrow. It’s a 3 hour drive from where they live. His sister is camping close by so I think his parents want to see them as well. We all spent Christmas together last week.

His sister came round today with her 5 year old for a shower and ended up spending all afternoon with us. Fine but not really how I’d planned to spend my afternoon. Same as tomorrow, the forecast is nice and I’d wanted to go exploring or just chill in the sun after some crap weather (it’s summer here).

I think I’m grumpy because I want to chill, not host, and because it’s pretty rural and we only really bought supplies for ourselves. I’m feeling like a bitch for being grumpy about it and I don’t want to be unwelcoming tomorrow. Help!

The OP has gone away for a few days peace and quiet though! She saw family only last week...why is it ok for them to invite themselves to the OPs break/holiday? It's quite rude in my opinion, to invite yourself to crash someone's break!

OP...just say no! This is well within your power 👌🏻

Yanbu. I hate unexpected visitors.

This is really narrow minded of you. The OP clearly fancied some time alone to decompress and doesn't want to have guests imposed on her which obviously changes the vibe. Alone doesn't mean a bad thing, nor does it mean lonely and unhappy. I love my own company!

Op or her husband should tell the guests they're not welcome any longer and get their belongings ready by the door. How rude of them to just announce their arrival and expect OP to go along with it.

The sister is bloody cheeky for turning up with her child for a shower! Why choose a campsite without facilities if you know you're going to want to wash?!
And assume your DH told his mum it was ok to visit? I'd be laying down the groundsheet to him. HE does the hosting and HE tells his mum that she'll need to bring supplies and bedding etc because you weren't expecting visitors.
Oh and next time, don't tell them when you're going!

Er having just having had a family Christmas wanting some chill time to recharge is a balanced way of living.

For some of us this is essential to our wellbeing and does not mean being lonely.

Why should the OPs plans be totally changed by other people not respecting boundaries or even showing a modicum of good manners.

Definitely tell them to bring food and drinks as you only have enough for yourselves.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

People will take the piss now you have this cabin. If you don't set boundaries now you will constantly be overrun by uninvited guests.

Exactly this. I need time to relax for my own mental health. If you are struggling with loneliness there are plenty of community things you could help out with- volunteering, social groups, charities, meet up groups, walking groups etc Are you doing any of those?- or, are you just sitting back passively expecting everyone around you to cater to your needs because if so, that's incredibly selfish. If you are lonely- do something about it.

Please don’t do this. It’s really dickish behavior and the reason many DIL get a bad reputation. Either put them off coming saying you’re going out or suck it up. Don’t behave like moron when they’re there

Actually I think you're perfectly entitled to want the time to yourself and I would be exactly the same as you - perhaps worse 😂

YABU I think as most people would be happy to see family.

Count me out of “most people”. I love my family but sometimes you plan me time/downtime and that’s important as well.

I would feel exactly the same. The way I'd make myself feel better about it would be to get DH to tell them what supplies they need to bring so you're not going short on anything and to let DH host while I carried on with whatever I wanted to do. When they get there just say, hope you don't mind but I've really been looking forward to doing X this week.

Oh no OP. We're on our last day of a solid week of hosting and visiting and I am Done. If any of our family, who I love dearly, both sides, suggested meeting up again I would struggle to summon a polite response.

Definitely tell them you don't have enough in so they'll need to stop on their way. Also tell them you didn't have anything planned, just a lazy few days and stick to that - early nights and late mornings so you can get a bit of time off!

You need to put your foot down now! Especially if you're going to be living there full time in the future.

You don't want people thinking it's ok to pop over for a nice break at your log cabin when it suits them.

You are not being unreasonable. Just tell them you're busy. But you'll see them in the New Year.

Make a stand now or you're going to be on here in a couple of years complaining that visitors are coming down for a 2 weeks holiday in the summer.

Don't become the default free holiday destination!!!

Thanks all. @JustExistingNotLiving your perspective was really helpful and I know what was making me most grumpy was that my expectations (of peace and chilling out) were being disrupted.

I had a good chat with DH about ensuring we both agree on plans and visits - and I’ve taken myself off for a few hours of peace.

The point is you can’t ‘just chill’ or relax when there are people in your private space.
My ex in-laws used to over stay their welcome when I had had a baby and I really wish we had just told them no, you are not coming.
Perhaps the op wants to lay in bed, naked. Or lay on the sofa. Or have sex. Or just do things without her interring in laws sticking their beak in.
Set your boundaries now op.