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Feeling betrayed

28 replies

Anjay1 · 27/12/2023 22:08

I was in an abusive relationship with someone for 4 years and finally left him in April.

I confided in a friend what my ex has done to me and she has gone and contacted his family and told them really bad things about me. She didn't know my ex at all and nor his family. She didn't even know his surname. However she managed to do done detective work and find his mum and sister on Facebook and contacts them and tells them things I've confided her with. She has also made up stories telling them that I paid a witch Dr money to put black magic on him so that he gets arrested over Christmas suffers. All fabricated

My ex has been abusive in the past and the person who I thought was a friend has gone and done this, contacting his family and now it's gone back to him.
She has said im dangerous and that she's scared of me etc etc.

His family are now disgusted with me and I'm made to look like the bad one.

She has appologised for messaging them and said that one day il see that and it's because she's worried about me. How is contacting my abusive ex partners family going to make things better. She said that the fact I told her that I still miss the good things I had despite the fact I still hate him, I needed help! Just because I miss certain things doesn't mean I want to get back with him!

This has made everything 10 times worse. She said age did it because sge was worried. What kind if a friend does this?

She did this in the 23rd December, the sane day she messaged me normal. I found out on Christmas day. It was only when I had it out with her that she admitted it.
I've had lumpectomy few weeks ago and sge sad that I need to forget snout him and relax. Everything was ok until she did this and then tells me I need to relax?!

Two dats before she contacted them, we went out for food, acting normal with our kids. The next day she was the same. Ic I hadn't had found out, Ilshe wouldn't had told me.

I'm absolutely fuming.

How would you feel? Need some advice really.

I've contacted the police regarding this because she has contacted my abusive partners family who have gone and told him so I need to tell the police because I was worried what would happen next.

Her messages were saying she approached ot the wrong way and one day il see that and that its not normal to miss someone who abuses you. She twisted the whole thing because I said I miss CERTAIN things BUT still hate him.

I told her I'm going to the police. She said "it's Christmas day and you're reporting me? You need to really stop this"
She has gone out of her way trying to cause drama. This is how I feel. She must had spent alot of time trying to find his family on Facebook so the whole thing is premeditated. And then she's telling me that I really need to stop ?!

OP posts:
YouRatBastard · 27/12/2023 22:52

She isn’t a friend. Distance yourself and block her. No clue why she would stir up trouble in this way, but you really don’t need people like that in your life. Move on.Flowers

Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 22:56

She's absolutely awful - she must be quite warped to make that stuff up.

Relegate her to the past, you have enough going on at present.

Anjay1 · 27/12/2023 23:12

Sge said maybe one day we can talk again when you're better.

What annoys me is the fact that she messaged my abusive ex partners family knowing how he was with me. She must had spent hours to find out who they are.

She twisted alot of things. She thought I'd wouldn't find out.

She said she did it because she was worried about me. I think if was to cause drama.
The worse thing is that both our kids are friends at school.
She has appologised but I cant forgive her.

OP posts:
Tonight1 · 27/12/2023 23:17

No don't forgive her, forget her. No idea why some people are like that.

That is beyond the pale.

You'd never be able to trust her again. Just don't lose your temper. Has she been like this before?

Anjay1 · 27/12/2023 23:18

Also I confided in her about my abusive relationship and she told his family all this too. I don't understand why. She spoke to me/messaged me as if everything was ok until 🎄 day when I found out.
Police said the fact she did this then messaged me to say that its because she was concerned about me suggests that she is a narcissist and then manipulating it to be the victim is gaslighting. She knew exactly what she was doing. If you are concerned for someone, you don't play detective and find out who their abusive ex partners family are... how is that going to help. She knew the family would go back and tell him

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 27/12/2023 23:20

She has harrased people in the past and gad to go to a voluntary interview previously. She has mouthed off to teachers in an email before where her emails ended up being blocked by the server.
She has shit stirred before but not to this level

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 27/12/2023 23:21

She’s not a friend so I would distance yourself from her. Remove and block her from social media. Block her phone number and have no contact with her whatsoever.

Delassalle · 27/12/2023 23:23

Block her on every kind of contact possible.

Do not engage with her ever again.

It's a new year ahead and you must concentrate on your own healing and building your emotional strength up.

icelollycraving · 27/12/2023 23:26

She Could have really put you a risk. I would never forgive her and would keep my daughter well away.

OfficerChurlish · 27/12/2023 23:33

As she has apologized and claims she was trying to help, has she contacted the people she communicated with and let them know it was a hoax?

I'm not sure if your child/ren are also your ex's children - if not it's likely not important how your ex's family views you and better just to leave it so you can cut contact with the "friend" now. As you've already contacted the police, I'd probably follow their advice on how to handle things, if any handling is needed.

Beautiful3 · 27/12/2023 23:45

She is definitely not your friend..block her everywhere.

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 28/12/2023 00:17

Without being nasty, I really, really, really would like to hear this story from your "friend's" POV

Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 00:21

I know. A part of me thinks she has a mental illness because contacting his family could had made him become abusive again.
Why on earth did she think it walould help?

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 00:23

My child is not my ex's

No, she hasn't appologised to them.

She appologised to me "for the way she approached it" not for she did

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 00:25

I understand

She said I need help and not right in the head because I missed some parts of him.

I'm currently getting help from victim support.

My ex partner is now msking life hell again since 6.30am today that I've had to log it with the police

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 00:26

Why would someone do this? I don't get how this would help by going down that route.
The bottom line is that she contacted them with crap and stuff I've confided her in. You just don't do that

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 28/12/2023 00:54

Why are you dwelling so much on "why she did this"? She's a shit stirring bitch who enjoys causing trouble. Quite simple really.

If you stay in contact with her she will just cause you more trouble.

Stop trying to understand her, your mind is not twisted like hers and you can never think like her.

RobertHarley65 · 28/12/2023 03:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LonelynSad · 28/12/2023 09:39

Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 00:26

Why would someone do this? I don't get how this would help by going down that route.
The bottom line is that she contacted them with crap and stuff I've confided her in. You just don't do that

Are the police going to issue her with a harassment notice/warning? She sounds unhinged. I'd reverse it and say "You're clearly mentally unstable and need help. I'm very worried about you. Perhaps we could talk again one day when you're more stable"

Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 09:52

Police said because she didn't message me, I'm not the victim so can't do anything.

She has got logs against her for harassment in the past though

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 10:22

The problem I have is that our kids are good friends at school and they both sgare the same friendship group

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 28/12/2023 10:56

I’d stop play dates etc outside of school.

Anjay1 · 28/12/2023 11:06

I will definitely stop this but I cant stop my child talking to her child. However, when her child tells her mum about stuff in school, she twists it etc and makes my child look bad

OP posts:
Anjay1 · 29/12/2023 18:13

I'm finding it hard to forget sbout this. Only because it's sickening.

Do you think I should inform the school? Just in case anything happens

OP posts:
Cantalever · 29/12/2023 18:31

Have nothing more to do with her - ever. Block her. Can you contact your ex's family - not on phone or in person, but write - and tell them that the things she told them are not true, and she was just creating trouble? Just say it once in writing, there is no need to get into any discussion with them.

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