My 6 year old keeps stealing money - how do I parent this?!

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I'm absolutely at a loss with how to parent this.

My 6yo DS keeps stealing money.
It kept being a few pound lying around the house was hidden somewhere under his bed - this stealing meant that he lost his privilege of doing chores to get money (he wants football cards).

This hasn't happened in a couple months but just had a situation today where he's stolen £10 of his brother's Christmas money and gone and hidden it in his room.

I'm at a loss. I'm just so disappointed in him. I don't even know what to do.
I ask him why and he says 'something just came into my head/something just came over my brain'.

I think you shouldn’t be linking pocket money/getting football cards for doing well at school / scoring goals, etc. It’s far too much pressure. Sports should be fun at that age and not fair if he’s thinking, need to do well at school to get the football cards. Whereas taking the money means no pressure.

Re-instate the pocket money, enough that he can buy a packet of those cards every two weeks.

@SutWytTi whilst children at school have always done things they should not, a simple quick punishment like losing break time if they hit another DC in the playground soon put a stop to it. I dread to think where you went to school if you had all of those issues you list and none of them dealt with. Doing nothing to deter a problem means the problem continues because why would the DC think they needed to stop?

@Seas164 I agree DC are not born bad. They learn bad behaviour. If they are not taught right from wrong and that there are consequences for choosing to steal they will continue to do so. I don't agree with long drawn out punishments but if X amount was stolen then X amount should be repaid.

Chop his hands off. That will stop it.

@SutWytTi but considering this is the 3rd-4th occasion of it is it not wiser to have this non-money consequence still rather than reinstating pocket money?

@Seaweed42 he definitely knows the value of money, how much what costs, what is of higher value etc.

He has one younger sibling.

If you make everything about money, you are making money ever more important.

Your approach is clearly not working so it is time to change.

Your punishments have been too long and too harsh, IMO.

What I mean by 'non-money consequence' is a consequence that does not involve taking away yet more money - you will just make him more likely to steal IMO.

Does he steal at school? Or just from you?

As if a simple quick punishment like losing break time if they hit another DC in the playground soon put a stop to it! There were young offenders' institutions many decades ago, there were expulsions, there were awful ongoing bullying issues.

You have rewritten the past, comforting but fictional.

At 6 money doesn't really have any value. If he was 8 he could actually do something with it ,so I don't consider this the same motive as stealing actual items!
My daughter once nicked £10 off me at a similar age .She hid it in her bookcase .I just took it back and didn't really give it much thought TBH
She is an adult now, and is not a serial thief !

I seem to recall Young Offenders Institutions being for children post 15 - 18 who continually got into trouble breaking the law and after failure at several other alternatives they were sent away to keep them from reoffending. If they misbehaved there they would lose privileges like TV, gaming and extra gym time. They had to continue with their education. If they behaved themselves they could earn rewards of additional gym time, gaming etc. It is based on reward and punishment.

My DC at 5 knew 1 x £5 note was equal to 5 x £1 coins. Also things like 5 x 2p pieces were equal to 1 x 10p. Not all 5 year olds have no idea of money. This boy is 6 so very unlikely he doesn't understand that 1 money buys things and 2 this money belonged to his brother.

YOIs are prisons for children up to 18. They are not “sent away to keep them from reoffending”. They are sent there following sentencing for serious crimes. And 75% of the inmates have been through the care system. They are not just naughty children who will behave once they’ve had their TV taken off them for bad behaviour. It is really not as simple as you seem to think it is.

Blimmin’ heck! How have we moved from a six year old filching bits of cash to Young Offenders’ Institutions?

He is six. He doesn’t understand money. And he certainly didn’t need pocket money months ago when he was surely only five? He shouldn’t have to think of needing to buy himself anything.

Seriously - redirect his attention to books and playing outside or whatever. Take money out of the equation completely.

Not sure you have much knowledge of this area.

But the point is - it is a total fiction to pretend everything in the lovely rose-coloured past was resolved simply with a little punishment in the playground.

We’re really talking about financial abuse, young offenders institutions and ostracism from society in a thread about a six year old child?!

He’s barely out of reception class. He literally doesn’t have enough years of brain development for impulse control, empathy and all the other things needed to expect adult levels of behaviour. Yes his behaviour needs dealing with but in the same way young children hit others but the vast majority don’t end up assaulting others as adults, sometimes they take stuff but it’s an awfully big leap to a potential life of criminality unless he’s harshly punished.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle just at home (that I'm aware of anyway!)

@caringcarer this is my thing. I absolute appreciate the comments that he's only 6 and it is not a reflection of him in the future as it's super reassuring, but I can't agree that he doesn't 'understand money'. He understands exact value of money, can add up money, knows what amounts tend to buy what... he's nearly 7 and a bright 7.

@MistletoeRegrets no, he wasn't 5. Every other boy in his class also collects football cards, so it was a brief way for him to earn money for collecting them.

@Rudolphtherednoseddog I do feel a bit thrown back and forth by this thread actually, in humour (although the situation is super stressful still). One comment is how it literally means nothing and to GIVE HIM money and the next has references to young offenders, haha.

It's a really hard situation for me and I still don't know how to deal with it to be honest - I feel like I'm failing no matter what I do!

Months is too long for a consequence at this age. You have effectively taken away his access to money and his stealing will increase due to it. Kids have to have something to aim for, that is realistic for them. Days, not weeks or months for punishments.

He understands exact value of money, can add up money, knows what amounts tend to buy what... he's nearly 7 and a bright 7. He absolutely doesn't understand the meaning of money. The maths side is simple. The meaning of property, of money, of earning, of stealing are much more complicated concepts.

When one of my dc stole money I told him that if I couldn’t trust him not to take money he would have to stay where I could see him. So he had to be in whatever room I was in and couldn’t go and play with the others, or watch TV if I was in a different room. After about an hour I asked him if he thought I could trust him now and let him try again.
I’ve used this for various things, squabbling, drawing on furniture etc. and find it quite effective. It also means you have a bit of time to chat and find out if anything is bothering them.

@Atethehalloweenchocs like I've said before though, I didn't see taking away the pocket money a 'punishment'. More that the ongoing stealing was a sign he wasn't ready for it (within two weeks of receiving pocket money the stealing had began), so this luxury was taken away.

It was a novelty luxury when considering the football card interest, but I agree with a PP that pocket money isn't even particularly standard for a 6 year old (that I know of anyway), so it was essentially just getting rid of the idea of it.

He has still had these cards, chocolate, treats etc bought for him, I just didn't deem him mature enough for pocket money after ongoing incidences of stealing, so I'm shocked that the consensus seems to be to reinstate pocket money for a child who has stolen again and hidden money (even helping his dad look for it when it was missing) after numerous other occasions of this.

I'm genuinely curious about others perspective on this - I don't want to come across badly to ANYONE because I assure everyone I have no idea what I'm doing and I really appreciate everyone's feedback, I just really want to get something like this right

I don't understand why you can't see that you have generated a money obsession - that is the issue.

I didn't see taking away the pocket money a 'punishment'. He will have seen it this way. You have given the message money is a big luxury, he has to earn money through chores, he gets to buy things - and then you stopped it.

Of course he helped his dad look for it. He is six years old and wanted to avoid getting in trouble because last time you took his pocket money away.

Exactly this.

Being able to add up isn’t the same as understanding the infrastructure of money. A six year old has none of this knowledge - so shouldn’t be in possession of money, but equally shouldn’t face draconian punishment or grim future life predictions because they steal a few shiny coins or bits of plastic/paper - whatever notes are made of now.

I think this is the most effective way to deal with it.

I stole money as a child, same as your ds I just had the urge to take it, and to find ways of being clever enough to sneak about and hide it.

I didn't spend it, my dm found to all in my bedroom and I had to learn that the only reason I was able to take it was because I was trusted. Money wasn't locked away, but if I was going to take it then it would be.

I never stole from anyone else, and knew right from wrong but it was a weird urge when I was young.

I've always found hustles and clever robberies intriguing so maybe it's related to that.

My niece stole from my dsis when around 7 aswell, my dsis removed something that my niece loved for 6 months so she would learn what it was like to have something stolen from her.