Us dp taking the piss

[Windmill34]

Around 11am do day he announcing
“ what time Can I go and see mum “ I’ll only stay 30 mins and get back as I feel guilty leaving you to it “
mum lives 40 mins drive away in care home
so he would if got there 12.10pm

I know he’s messaged his sister to ask her what time she is going (they both call each other and don’t really speak)

it’s now 2.15 pm and he’s not back !
im getting angry by the minute

Tomorrow he’s announced he’s going to tennis which will be 3 hrs

He can be a selfish git at times
good job there’s no kids

I am surprised that a visit to his mother was not discussed as part of Christmas plans. Do you not like her and therefore he avoided broaching the subject beforehand? Even if he didnt know the exact time he was going, there should have been some mention from either of you. Also, in most families, on a festive day, it is courteous that the child and their partner visit the elders. So why didn't you also join him? It is his mother after all.

Can you explain why any of that is an issue for you? Why did he ask your permission to see his mother?

We are a childfree family, and I wouldn’t have paid any attention whatsoever to my husband going to visit someone, and - brace yourself - it’s me who’s doing a hobby alone for hours tomorrow. 🤯🤯🤯

If you had children you might have had a minor point about tomorrow, but I'm sorry you're begrudging the man for spending a few hours on Christmas day with his elderly mum who is in a care home, are you for real? Unless there's a massive drip feed that he left 15 minutes before you'd told him dinner was going to be served or you'd miss your dinner reservation, YABVVU.

It cannot be a shock to you that he would want to see his mum at Christmas?

But it sounds to me like he left although she had already begun cooking, so presumably there was an eta for when dinner would be served?

(Mind you, I start cooking when I feel like it on Christmas Day (I do enjoy cooking it), and can put a roast dinner on hold at various stages, including for up to 2 hours when it's nearly ready (so long as I haven't put the yorkies in yet) with no detriment.)

Omg lol. What wrong with you?

@SequentialAnalyst then I’m sure OP would have included that pertinent piece of information in the OP🤷🏻‍♀️
She made a long incoherent post a few days ago, fuming that the boyfriend is in touch with his relatives.

No actually it sounds like he's trying to appease an abuser.

I'll admit that I missed that detail.

Good grief that's a ridiculous accusation.

It would be normal to discuss this before the day itself - we will have lunch at x time , go visit at x time - why didn't you?

I’d have gone with him to visit his mother

@DidiAskYouThough I may have read too much into "I feel guilty leaving you to it"

Leaving her to what? Given the time of day he said it, I thought it probably meant the cooking. It could have just meant "on your own" I suppose.

I had no idea about OP's other posts.

I am presuming the issue here is the lack of making a plan beforehand.

I would generally expect people with a parent in a care home to spend some time with them on Christmas day, if it is logistically possible, but I would have expected that to have been planned into the day. "I'll go and see Mum after breakfast, that way I can spend a bit of time with her and be back for lunch at 1, or say 1.30 to be on the safe side?" or "We can spend the morning together and then head out to Mum's afterwards. Do you want to come or are you going to relax here?" type conversation happening last week, or before.

The issue here is a) the OP thinking he can drive 40mins, stay 20mins, then leave again. b) the partner not making any sort of plan - apart from anything else, it may well be the care home has their own timetable for their residents, dinner, entertainment etc and he is just crashing that without any thought - but also of course their own catering and plan for the day.

Not at all clear what the issue is with going to play (? or watch?) tennis on Boxing Day. I'd say heading out to some kind of activity on Boxing day is a fairly normal thing to do.

What was the problem?

You are a walking massive red flag.