Anyone up - handhold?

Cleanuponaisle1 · 2023-12-23T01:26:54+00:00

Just had to end my relationship. Only a few days before Christmas. I’m heartbroken. No kids and don’t live together but had planned to get engaged next year. He’s out drinking and I’m home alone with my cat trying not to cry.

justanothermummma · 23/12/2023 01:29

Sending love OP, especially at this time of year.

Ultimately you need to remind yourself of why this came to be and start being more selfish, he might be out and about, but make sure you are planning what makes you happy OP.

Stay strong, lots of love. X

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 01:32

I can’t handle the disrespect anymore. I’ve been unable to sleep while he disappears after work, not able to eat properly for a few weeks. I’ve dropped about 7lbs from the stress in the past 2 weeks.

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Woofie7 · 23/12/2023 01:34

It’s heartbreaking when it ends. Do have a big cry you will feel better. Then try and keep busy and away from areas you could bump into each other until you’ve healed a bit . If you are tempted to text block his number. Huge love to you at this difficult time

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 01:43

I sent a message to him that he will read in the morning as we’ve been arguing all day. So I wrote a calm, put together text and outlined exactly what the issues were and why I was ending it and then requested not to be contacted again at the end and have blocked him on social media. I feel like I needed to so that there’s no confusion on why we’ve ended and that it wasn’t just caused by a heated argument.

He seems pretty unfazed but he’s out drinking so it won’t have set in yet. He got a new job this year, very toxic environment and toxic type new friends with a big going out culture. I don’t even recognise the man he is anymore. He used to be the sweetest person. How he lies because he knows the situations he puts himself in ‘make me angry’. But he puts himself in them anyway knowing they’ll upset me and it’s because he makes terrible decisions around these people who have no actual concern for his welfare. They’re not real friends.

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Northernsouloldies · 23/12/2023 01:48

If he's turned into an arsehole to stay in tune with his new friends then you really are better off being on your own and take stock and look forward to new beginnings.. Good luck op.

colouringindoors · 23/12/2023 01:51

Urgh. So hard OP, sending very much sympathy. Sounds like you've made a really good decision but it's tough right now. Hold on.

bannaba · 23/12/2023 01:55

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 01:32

I can’t handle the disrespect anymore. I’ve been unable to sleep while he disappears after work, not able to eat properly for a few weeks. I’ve dropped about 7lbs from the stress in the past 2 weeks.

I feel for you, stay strong you've got this

My "DP" has not long gotten in after an afternoon out and I've been called "a fat c*" at 8 months pregnant so I feel your pain with their disrespect. Finding the strength to walk away is hard. Sending you hugs and love at this time

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 02:01

He just messaged back ‘ok’ to everything I said. This is one of my issues with him. He was always so defeatist when I brought anything up. It was always ‘you deserve someone better’ but never ‘I’ll be better’. I’m so drained from this.

and now have to plaster a smile on for a full family Christmas.

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AlpacalypseLlamaggedon · 23/12/2023 02:10

You are SO much better on your own. I'm sorry for the timing, it must hurt right now, but one day you will look back and just sigh with relief. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas xx

MulledWineBeMine · 23/12/2023 02:15

@Cleanuponaisle1

I'm sorry you're hurting.

how old is he?

that 'ok' when you've left a long detailed message is so fucking frustrating.

Stay strong, stay done with this. For god sake don't take him back

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 02:19

We’re 27. I feel so cheated you know? I’ve given my mid 20s to him. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship with him but I fell and you all know the drill. But I feel like all the freedom and money and time of my mid20s couldn’t been better spent. I was starting to like myself as an individual and then the past 12 months this relationship has just chipped away at me and I feel like I have to start over again.

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Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 02:20

Thank you for every reply though. I appreciate it so much.

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Northernsouloldies · 23/12/2023 02:21

Definitely never accept second best. Hope you can have a decent Xmas.

MariaLuna · 23/12/2023 02:27

Sweetheart, give yourself a pat on the back for not accepting anything but the highest standards for yourself when it comes to relationships.

Sorry you are hurting.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/12/2023 02:50

@Cleanuponaisle1

Hey girl, a good cry never hurt anyone. Breaking up with someone, even when you know it's the right thing to do, is stressful and painful. You deserve a pat on the back, though, for being so brave and honest. And so true to yourself.

One thing to remember is that your tears are not for him, as such. They're for the person you thought he was (or who he used to be) and for the death of the dream of the life you were going to have. But remember there are going to be new and better dreams, and a new and better person for you to love.

So acknowledge the love and the loss, cry your tears, and then tomorrow make new plans. Life will be good again, I promise.

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 02:52

I’ve gotten through a domestic violence relationship before this one. I didn’t over come that just to settle for a man who disappears and lies and needs everything spelled out for him of what he did wrong like a man child.

I know I’ll be okay. I’m off work until the second week of January (work in a school) so just a bit disappointed I won’t have much distraction.

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sleepdeprivedma · 23/12/2023 02:52

I hope your okay OP I've been there a man who cares more about drinking and socialising than his in my case family. It gets better. Sending love

madeleine85 · 23/12/2023 02:53

You are so strong, and you deserve better. Well done for knowing your worth. It hurts now, but in a year you’ll be much happier. You’ll be looking back wondering why you put up with it so long. There’s a huge difference between settling and settling down, please repeat that. I broke up with someone right before I turned 30, though it was the end of the world, in retrospect it was a shitty relationship, but I was so concerned about timelines I was “making something broken work”. I’d much rather spend my 20s with the wrong person than my 30s. For what it’s worth, I found my person in my 30s and it was absolutely worth the wait. Sending hugs, it really will get much better x

sleepdeprivedma · 23/12/2023 02:54

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 02:52

I’ve gotten through a domestic violence relationship before this one. I didn’t over come that just to settle for a man who disappears and lies and needs everything spelled out for him of what he did wrong like a man child.

I know I’ll be okay. I’m off work until the second week of January (work in a school) so just a bit disappointed I won’t have much distraction.

Honestly I don't know you but I am so proud of you well done you know you're worth and own it it will get better trust me. You're 27 your life is just beginning plenty of time to meet a great person who will show you the world x

Original poster

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 03:00

Men are definitely option right?! Because I honestly don’t see the appeal anymore 😂

In all seriousness, if I’ve learned anything it’s that you know when a relationship doesn’t work and trying to just drags it out longer than needed. I’m not going to flog a dead horse this time.

Youve all made me feel a lot better thank you

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brainworms · 23/12/2023 03:02

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 03:00

Men are definitely option right?! Because I honestly don’t see the appeal anymore 😂

In all seriousness, if I’ve learned anything it’s that you know when a relationship doesn’t work and trying to just drags it out longer than needed. I’m not going to flog a dead horse this time.

Youve all made me feel a lot better thank you

Men are ENTIRELY optional.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 23/12/2023 03:04

F*%k him& his 'ok' and hold your head up.
You'll start the new year with less baggage. Doing what's right is sometimes harder but always worthwhile.

sleepdeprivedma · 23/12/2023 03:05

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 03:00

Men are definitely option right?! Because I honestly don’t see the appeal anymore 😂

In all seriousness, if I’ve learned anything it’s that you know when a relationship doesn’t work and trying to just drags it out longer than needed. I’m not going to flog a dead horse this time.

Youve all made me feel a lot better thank you

Definitely optional op

doubleshotcappuccino · 23/12/2023 03:09

Cleanuponaisle1 · 23/12/2023 03:00

Men are definitely option right?! Because I honestly don’t see the appeal anymore 😂

In all seriousness, if I’ve learned anything it’s that you know when a relationship doesn’t work and trying to just drags it out longer than needed. I’m not going to flog a dead horse this time.

Youve all made me feel a lot better thank you

This. You're being your own best friend and looking out for future you by choosing the right path. Short term pain opens an opportunity to open a space in the future for what makes you happy and not that you settled. Add in to his behaviour now children, sickness, grief, loss of income - they need to be a walking green flag to begin with to stand the course -
I've been married 27 years but can remember like it was yesterday situations like this I had to move away from to create the space for the right person to come
In

Browniesandcustard · 23/12/2023 03:45

Hope you’re ok? My marriage ended a few weeks ago so sending you a hug as it’s all rubbish.