Oh my god, my work

[SpaceNoll]

I work as a nanny but I am not live in. I go into another person's home for work. Originally I had a contract with hours set hour but somewhere along the way there was a lot changed and over written.

Anyways over the past few weeks the parents have been living a high life of parties and European weekend trips away and they are constantly doing something but they are relying on me more and more to stay within their home and stay later and stay over nights.

I am usually very accommodating to their needs and to the changes that happen.

It's Friday afternoon before Christmas weekend. I had a schedule for weeks that was long and intense and they never got an over time payment. Not only that, one of the parents is home now and I though maybe I might be allowed to finish this evening by 6 or 7 pm. Nope. He had plans to go again this evening. I don't know what he said to me because I am actually in shock and taken aback by another night out.

I had a day from hell so far.

I was employed to look after their children. I had to take in their online grocery's and seat my ass off sorting out the freezer that was already full to the brim and sort out the other food stuffs. Also sort out laundry load after laundry load.

There is just no end to my working day and working week. There is also an element of pure solid cruelty involved in this. I had an accident last week and I have a wide gaping hole in my foot. My doctor recommended salt foot soaks every day. They know this. How am I supposed to manage this when I am in work for up to 12+ hours a day. If it was up to them I probably won't finish til 8 or 9 or 10 tonight. As if I do t have my own family and Christmas to prepare for.

I went above and beyond for weeks for this family and this is what they do. They plan for more. They plan to get more out of me. As if I haven't don't enough.

If it was up to them I would neglect my foot problem and allow an infection to set in. I mean like there is actually an element of torture involved in this. Any other work and I would be clocking out by now.
Not keep going.

One of there excuses for this evening is a funeral to go to. I wanted to go to funeral last week and I think they are psychopaths because they only came home at the very last minute to allowe to go away late and by the time I was free it was too late to attent the funeral according to the time. I was forced into missing a funeral because I was working.

I just think they could shave some of their stuff off their schedule and reduce my load.

Also there is a child in the family with special needs and that child is never brought anywhere as if the child has been rejected by the parents. That child sees more of minders and carers than its parents and I just think it's so wrong.

And look at the way that you described how they treat their own child. If they can behave this way to their own child they are certainly not going to be accommodating to you.

This. Spot on.

In your shoes I would look at the contract.

It should state your daily working times and weekly hours paid at X rate.

The clause of working extra as and when required should include a completion either in pay or time owed.

Then add up all the extra hours you have worked and confront them. Ask for pay or the time off NOW.

If you can afford it, leave now *
or hand in your notice if you wish.

Look for a job. Then report them to Social Services and HMRC if they are in breach of any work regulations. Like holidays working hours and rest times ect.

*May be worth contacting their emergency contact to look after the children and jus say you are ill and unable to care for them properly. Which is true if you can't walk...

What is it that stops you from saying 'I'm not available for overtime tonight'?

They are having a laugh and you are being weak.
Firstly get a new job and secondly start as you mean to go on.

It's really simple and it starts with you.

Your internal mantra needs to become:
What's in it for me?

and remember it's always
PAY TO PLAY.

Want anything over my base contract after 6pm on a weekday?
Its time and a half and I charge full hours.
Want me to sleep over weeknight?
Its double time and I am paid for sleeping hours
Want me to stay over for a weekend?
It's a flat rate of £500/£800/whatever from Friday 6pm to Sunday 8pm.
I don't work after 8 on Sunday for any reason.

You are clearly a woman of good character, who wants to do right by the children in your care.

But you matter, too. And you have no legal responsibility for these children, who are being neglected by their parents.

Put yourself first here. Nobody else will, and you deserve it!

Boundaries. Set them and stick to them. It's only you that can do this. They have shown that they cannot be trusted to do the decent thing, so you have to enforce the rules.
You will feel so much better when you have told them what you can't/won't do.

OP this employment sounds dreadful, and whilst it’s feels like you just came here to moan I do hope you take peoples advice and set boundaries.
Firstly, I really can’t believe you are not being paid at all for the extra overtime because this is breaking the law as you would most certainly be under minimum pay which is illegal. Are you sure you don’t mean you do get paid for it but just your standard rate not anything extra?
I say when the dad comes back just say hi I’ve just been on the phone to HMRC and while discussing things with them turns out I’m being paid under minimum wage if the hours I’ve been doing go unpaid. So we need to discuss back payment for all the overtime I’ve done. They really don’t want to risk you reporting it as it gets taken very seriously.

whilst I know you say your tired, I hope them back paying tries to go some way in compensating you for that as a starting point.

then if you do want to stay in this job set some ground rules about double pay for last minute overtime/late home etc.

I feel like you'd be better protected if you took work via ab agency. As they could sort out too many late nights, and no overtime payments. Honestly they are treating you really badly. I wouldn't go back in January. You can do so much better. I wish you the best of luck with an agency.

No you didn’t have to go in sick.

You tell them you are ill and you dont go into work. Like with any other job.
They will have to find another way to deal with the dcs.

Just now, you are acting as if their dcs are your responsibility. They’re not.

I think these people are abusing you and seriously taking the piss. Give notice, some ‘emergency’ and leave. If you need a reference, end it all nicely. If you do not need a reference, leave tonight and do not return- tell them working such long and exhausting hours has made you ill and you will not be returning.

You need to respect yourself or no one will. Set boundaries and break them no more than twice.

This. They are not treating you like an employee, they are treating you like a servant who will do their bidding whether you want to or not. They are taking advantage of the fact that you won't (and obviously can't) just walk out and abandon the children.

Your employers sound rubbish and I would look for another job.

You are only working extra hours OP because you agree to it though.

If you are sick, stay home. If you cannot babysit in the evening then say so and go home. I think that unless you learn to be more assertive people will continue to take advantage of you.

Is it clear to your employer that you do not want to work extra hours? Are you actually telling them this?

Next time you need to get a tighter contract. My friend's contract is for 50 hours a week and the times are agreed in her contract. One late evening and one day finishes after lunch. No weekends. She is on £60k in London, live out. Nice family, nice kids, no housework.

Tell your agency all the over time you have done so they can invoice them
Or give you paid tied off in lieu

They sound like awful employers. BUT your post also has an undertone of someone who revels in playing the victim.

I mean fgs. You're not a slave. You're not a child. The job has an element of torture? Seriously, get a grip.

Ask for a chat, tell them you need to review your working hours, remind them what they are.

If they're more than a minute late, phone them every minute until they turn up and then remind them that you've worked X longer than you're paid for and which day would they like you to finish early to get the time back?

Just be a grown up.

You can’t opt out of the rest breaks designated by the working time directive. Are they breaching those too?

Hope you're OK OP. Time to take a long hard look at the situation you're in.

You feel like you have no control but ultimately you do.

You can leave
or You can speak up and put down some boundaries

Remember they trust you with their children. It is hard to find that. You are precious commodity to them and would be hard to replace.

Know your worth.

I used Google maps and gave a rough estimate of times for driving and traffic stopping at a shop and all in all in all it would take about 2 and half hours. I'd be lucky if he's home by 7 or 8 tonight. It doesn't take that many fucking hours to do what he has to do. I am absolutely being gaslit.

That is not what gaslighting means. It doesn't simply mean lying. It means being told something that did happen, didn't happen