Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Friend stole from my house

56 replies

SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 13:44

Friend, her DH and DC came to stay recently for a few days. They have stayed several times before - this was not the first visit.

The day after they left I noticed several items of make up missing from my dresser so messaged friend to ask if she accidentally packed it, turns out her DH packed it thinking it was friend's. Friend promised to post it back, but it hasn't arrived and telling me not to blame her for the postman not doing his job. Then a few weeks later I see my missing make up in her room when staying at theirs. Not bold enough to actually go in the room and take the make up.

Have also since noticed several small ornaments and glasses are missing, but I have no proof they took them...

Pretty sad about this. We give this friend and her DC free weekend accommodation several times a year, and this is how it turns out..

Merry fucking Christmas.

OP posts:

BodenCardiganNot · 22/12/2023 13:45

I see my missing make up in her room when staying at theirs. Not bold enough to actually go in the room and take the make up.

Therein lies your problem. You should have taken it and then told her you were going home.

SiblingFights · 22/12/2023 13:46

I agree with Boden. Obviously it is too late for that now but I would be cutting her off sharpish

GigiAnnna · 22/12/2023 13:46

I'd tell her you know she stole from you and have nothing to do with her from now on. You'll never be able to trust her again even if she apologises.

tescocreditcard · 22/12/2023 13:48

Why didn't you tell her you knew she had them and that you'd like them back? Just say that. Or are you afraid that she won't think you're "nice".

gamerchick · 22/12/2023 13:49

Well that's the end of the weekend visits OP.

I understand it's hard to confront someone. It's not the act that hurts the most when they stand there and deny it to your face. Thats what hurts the most.

I'd scale back the friendship tbh and let it drift.

Undineimmor · 22/12/2023 13:51

😞

Shinyandnew1 · 22/12/2023 13:51

We give this friend and her DC free weekend accommodation several times a year

Well, I presume you won’t be doing that any more?

dudsville · 22/12/2023 13:52

It's not your fault that your firned stole from you, one shouldn't have to be bold. I may or may not have taken my things back (used make up doesn't sound tempting), but it would be the end of the friendship for me.

HanSB · 22/12/2023 13:53

She will just deny and continue to deny. Don't continue this friendship with someone who steals from you. She is not a friend and I wouldn't keeo contact with her let alone continue visits. Disgusting behaviour on her side

MeandBobbyMcGoo · 22/12/2023 13:53

Thats shit, sorry OP.
I'd cut the friendship too, and I don't usually say that.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 22/12/2023 13:54

This is such a violation of trust. It would really cut me, OP. I hope you are OK.

Don’t fight for your stuff back. Just bin her and chalk it up.

whatfreshheck · 22/12/2023 13:57

Next time you are there take it back. If she questions it tell her the postie delivered it after all. See what she says.

Moonshine5 · 22/12/2023 13:59

That's awful. Its happened to me on top of the lots it's the disappointment too. Don't let them stay again. I hope you have a good Christmas. You're a good person remember that

whichspidermummy · 22/12/2023 14:00

@tescocreditcard think that may be it.

I had similar(ish) experience years ago with a male friend. He came to my house as we were going to a party together. I left him downstairs whilst I changed. I noticed later that night, that a necklace my dad had made for me and a bracelet were missing (both were unisex). I saw him on the Monday and asked if he'd seen them, he denied it, but then I noticed my bracelet on him. He claimed it was common and not mine. I was 'nice' so didn't pursue it.

Years later he came to visit me (after no contact for a few years). We were looking through photos. There was a photo of me, taken when I was recovering from an ED. I was naked, but covered over (you couldn't see anything). He asked me to find a specific photo, that he swore I had, but couldn't remember. He asked me to go upstairs to find it.

I went but had a bad feeling. I went back, looked through the photos again, and the one of me was missing. I confronted him, he got very angry and said it must have slipped out. I faced up to him and he fled.

He put a note through my door a few minutes later with the photo. He claimed I looked nice and he wanted to a lovely thing and frame it for me, but I was so nasty he wouldn't bother. I don't believe it for a second. The photo is not one that you would frame and put up. He did lots of nasty things (lied to a friend who stopped talking to me - no idea what he said, she was too upset to talk to me), lies on his CV, lied to my mentally ill ex, who believed him and ended up attacking me for it, tried to take over a cafe for people in poverty and slagged off the owners when they didn't run it as he thought it should be run. A real Walter Mitty character.

OP your friend has abused your trust and you've seen proof that she lied. It's not a friendship, not under any circumstances.

Moonshine5 · 22/12/2023 14:00

Alternatively tell her that your daughter washed the makeup in the toilet so her husband did you a favour.

Watchthedoormat · 22/12/2023 14:03

I'd have to let her know what you saw and tell her she is no longer welcome to visit.
Do it now OP.
You will feel so much better after standing up for yourself.

Rocksonabeach · 22/12/2023 14:10

whatfreshheck · 22/12/2023 13:57

Next time you are there take it back. If she questions it tell her the postie delivered it after all. See what she says.

Option 1) I would go again and visit and take your ornaments and bits and then block her - she’s a thief.
Option 2) text her and her DH and say when at yours I noticed my make up and other things you have stolen from us. Just why steal them? Why when you have stolen them say it was a mistake and you posted them- they lie about it being lost or stolen in the post. Also noticed our glass bird etc on your window sill - it makes me sick 🤢 what friend are you? And then block on every thing

rainbowstardrops · 22/12/2023 14:10

Well I certainly wouldn't be having them to stay in my house again! Were they staying in your room?

Parentofeanda · 22/12/2023 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 14:13

She lives nearly 2 hours away from me and has also been asking and asking to come and stay overnight one night with her youngest DC "to keep me company while DH is away". She knows I'd have to leave early the next morning to go to work and got pissed off when I told her as much as I love her, she can't stay in the house while I go to work.

This was before I discovered she'd stolen from me. Like fuck I'd ever trust her again now especially alone in the house.

So sad - been shat on and used before by so called friends and I thought I could trust her.

OP posts:

Original poster

SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 14:14

rainbowstardrops · 22/12/2023 14:10

Well I certainly wouldn't be having them to stay in my house again! Were they staying in your room?

Yes, she and DH stayed in my room. What a fool I am.

OP posts:

TheCompactPussycat · 22/12/2023 14:16

It's crap isn't it, OP, and I get how hard it is to simply ask for your stuff back.

Many many years ago I offered a family friend a lift after she'd been staying with my mum. She came to my house as I was getting ready for work. When I came downstairs to leave, she was zipping up her bag with a guilty look on her face. I knew instantly that she'd taken something but I didn't know what and we had to leave. Actually it turned out that evening that she'd taken several things in the couple of minutes I'd been upstairs getting ready.

One of the items she stole she then gifted to my mum for Christmas. My mum gushed over what a lovely thoughtful gift it was whilst I inwardly seethed. I never managed to buy myself a replacement but my mum passed away last year and I do have finally it back now.

Midnightgrey · 22/12/2023 14:19

It's not your fault that she stole from you. People who are honest assume others are too. This was particularly blatant. Who knows what she had her eye on for the proposed visit. I would have nothing further to do with her or her family ever again. I would just block her on everything. Once a thief, always a thief and it is particularly low to steal from somebody who was doing her a favour.

GasPanic · 22/12/2023 14:19

It's very sad but if I were in the same situation that would be it for me.

Once trust goes your friendships are finished.

It's a fair guess that she rationalises this internally by telling herself that you are loaded and don't really need the things. Which means she will never stop doing it.

At some point she will probably take something you really care about. Don't give her that opportunity.

GreatGateauxsby · 22/12/2023 14:19

😅😅😅😅
Bloody hell...
So she was basically annoyed she couldn't rifle through your things and nick a few more baubles at her leisure....

What a cheek! She is not a friend.

Whatever you do never let her set foot inside your house again...

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread