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Original poster

Friend stole from my house

56 replies

SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 13:44

Friend, her DH and DC came to stay recently for a few days. They have stayed several times before - this was not the first visit.

The day after they left I noticed several items of make up missing from my dresser so messaged friend to ask if she accidentally packed it, turns out her DH packed it thinking it was friend's. Friend promised to post it back, but it hasn't arrived and telling me not to blame her for the postman not doing his job. Then a few weeks later I see my missing make up in her room when staying at theirs. Not bold enough to actually go in the room and take the make up.

Have also since noticed several small ornaments and glasses are missing, but I have no proof they took them...

Pretty sad about this. We give this friend and her DC free weekend accommodation several times a year, and this is how it turns out..

Merry fucking Christmas.

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 22/12/2023 14:26

This isn’t your fault and it would be the end of the friendship for me.

AdoraBell · 22/12/2023 14:31

Either cut the friendship or don’t have them in your house. Next time they want to - sorry, can’t accommodate this time use a hotel/similar. Want to meet up- looking forward to it, we’ll meet you in town/wherever suitable.

burnoutbabe · 22/12/2023 14:41

Are you sure the bake up you saw was yours? As sounds as though she has identical stuff,hence husband packing it up by mistake.

I mean it could be a lie. But it may not be.

I'd ask for the money for the lost in post stuff though. Or partial value as partly used.

YouOKHun · 22/12/2023 14:43

SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 14:14

Yes, she and DH stayed in my room. What a fool I am.

Show quote history

@SFG112112 You’re not a fool. Is it foolish to think if someone is a friend that they wouldn’t steal from you? I don’t think it is. The fool in this scenario is the person who steals from a friend and loses that friend over a few items that she ultimately doesn’t care about.

I agree with @GasPanic there might well be an envy-based rationalisation about taking things from you, especially to square a compulsion she can’t stop, and because she knows you consider her a friend and are not confrontational, this is further justification. I’d be interested to know her partner’s role or level of awareness and whether she has these tendencies wherever she is. Regardless, I think you need to tell her you’re aware of the things she’s taken and I would say “I can’t remain friends with someone who steals from me”.

AlwaysGinPlease · 22/12/2023 14:50

TheSnowyOwl · 22/12/2023 14:26

This isn’t your fault and it would be the end of the friendship for me.

Edited

This. I had this happen to me but I didn't know for sure who it was. It was my birthday party at my house and whoever it was took some very expensive items, jewelry,skincare and make up from my room and the en-suite. I had my suspicions and I cut them off for other reasons. Then discovered they stole (and got caught) from another friends home and so I think it was them. Vile.

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2023 14:58

Fuck her.

Tell her no thanks, I'd prefer to keep all my belongings.

Mirrormeback · 22/12/2023 15:02

It's quite sickening isn't it especially because now you think of it she's probably stolen small items most times she's been to visit becoming more brazen because you haven't noticed till now

Oh well a disappointing end to this friendship but end it must

Just cut off all contact

momonpurpose · 22/12/2023 15:06

BodenCardiganNot · 22/12/2023 13:45

I see my missing make up in her room when staying at theirs. Not bold enough to actually go in the room and take the make up.

Therein lies your problem. You should have taken it and then told her you were going home.

Absolutely this is what you should have done

rainbowstardrops · 22/12/2023 15:12

Yes, she and DH stayed in my room. What a fool I am.

No of course you're not. Why would you think for a second that your friend would steal from you?

MILTOBE · 22/12/2023 15:16

That was just rubbish about her husband packing your stuff up in the belief it was hers. I wonder whether he knows he's been blamed for this?

If the items are expensive I'd call round unexpectedly and demand them back. If they're not, then I would just list everything that's gone missing and tell her I never wanted to see her again.

Original poster
SFG112112 · 22/12/2023 15:21

YouOKHun · 22/12/2023 14:43

@SFG112112 You’re not a fool. Is it foolish to think if someone is a friend that they wouldn’t steal from you? I don’t think it is. The fool in this scenario is the person who steals from a friend and loses that friend over a few items that she ultimately doesn’t care about.

I agree with @GasPanic there might well be an envy-based rationalisation about taking things from you, especially to square a compulsion she can’t stop, and because she knows you consider her a friend and are not confrontational, this is further justification. I’d be interested to know her partner’s role or level of awareness and whether she has these tendencies wherever she is. Regardless, I think you need to tell her you’re aware of the things she’s taken and I would say “I can’t remain friends with someone who steals from me”.

Show quote history

This is a fair point about her feeling some sort of rationale. She's always been as she says "green with envy" about my house, always also quite nasty about weight (even though she too is overweight).

I am sure she and her brood enjoyed all the free mini holidays at our house. God I feel sick at how dishonest people can be and that she's been likely building up to stealing while staying in my house alone Sad

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 22/12/2023 15:23

@SFG112112

Ensure your husband knows exactly what's happened with your ex-friend so you are both on message if she/her husband try and circumvent you to get invited back into your home again. I certainly wouldn't want anything more to do with someone who stole from me - especially when I was hosting them. 🌹

MrsMoastyToasty · 22/12/2023 15:25

Invoice her for replacement items of makeup. I wouldn't want the original stuff after she has applied it to her skanky face.

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 15:27

I would have taken them back and given her what foe and left.

As you don't want confrontation you could have snuck a photo on your phone and then confronted her by text when you were back home.

She knew you would see it is my guess and knew you were unlikely to make a fuss.

She's a complete bitch and you should cut her out if your life immediately.

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 15:28

The text I would send is -

Do not ever contact me again you ugly, thieving cunt.

TomeTome · 22/12/2023 15:33

Just text to say you saw your make up in her house when you visited and don’t ever want to see or hear from her again. Take control.

SkaneTos · 22/12/2023 15:35

@whichspidermummy
That was disgusting, mean and weird behavior from your friend! I hope you don't have to have anything to do with him anymore.

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/12/2023 15:46

How disappointing for you OP.

I'd call her DH and ask if they have tracking for the makeup 'he' 'accidentally' took from your dresser, as it's not yet arrived. Just to see if he even has any idea at all that he's been implicated. Frankly I'd have also taken my stuff back when I saw it and at the bare minimum would say I saw it in her home so she had better get it in the post or I'll report it to the police. ( I wouldn't as I couldn't be arsed but you'd have every right to report a theft). She deserves to worry about whether you will.

I hate to say it OP but I would imagine it's quite likely she's been at this for ages and you've simply never clocked. I would cut contact and certainly she'd not be coming anywhere near my house again. Sad but necessary.

pillof · 22/12/2023 15:59

Such a weird thing to do. Why do people do it? Any psychologists here? I find it awful and fascinating.

Am sorry for you, OP – friendship clearly over.

Sharontheodopolodous · 22/12/2023 15:59

I had a mate,years ago who was a single mum like myself

I had my own (small) house and she lived with family

I scraped money together to buy my first mobile phone (£80)

I'd had it two days when she popped round,admired it and then it vanished

A few days later,guess who had the same phone?

I sort of let it go as it was possible her stepdad had given her his old one-we had the same phone-I remember her telling me

Other bits and bobs disappeared but I put it down to me being a bit forgetful and maybe the kids had eaten the 6 pack of yogurts/packet of cheesestrings,had I bought the babybels or had i put them back?

Had the kids moved my fave mug/thrown my lipstick away/lost my hairbrush? Etc etc

I started to think I was losing it-i had pnd and it was possible-no way did I think she was stealing from me

My then boyfriend had gone back home (he was turkish) and bought me back a necklace with a love heart pendant

She admired that and I left it,in the box on the windowsill with a £10 next to it-the £10 note had a small tear on it and part of the corner was missing

She left-no necklace,no box and the note was missing-I knew I'd put both on the windowsill and she had been the only person,other than myself that had been in the house

I texted her asking if she'd seen either and she shot round within minutes saying that no,she hadn't seen it-could I have misplaced it?

Then she offered to loan me £10 'to see you to payday'

Yep-she offered me the same note she'd nicked an hour earlier-what where the chances of another note having the same corner missing and the same tear?

I snatched the note off her,slammed the door in her face and never spoke to her again

She went round slagging me off saying I'd ghosted her,my dd was bullying her dd (bullshit-her dd was a nasty brat and the teacher laughed when i asked her) and then stalked me for months

I hope the phone blew up in her ear and the necklace choked her

barbarahunter · 22/12/2023 16:01

I once had a neighbour steal a ring from my house. I knew it was her because no one else new had been in my house. I was hurt and upset, but there you go. I also think that she was jealous of me, on reflection.

Fannyfiggs · 22/12/2023 16:09

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 15:28

The text I would send is -

Do not ever contact me again you ugly, thieving cunt.

😂 absolutely this ☝️

Bananawotsit · 22/12/2023 16:24

What an absolutely shitty friend. I am really sorry OP this is really horrible. You sound like a caring and thoughtful person and she’s done more than taken advantage - she’s stolen from you.
I hope you can cut ties. You don’t need someone like this in your life - you are worth much more. Xx

VWT5 · 22/12/2023 16:28

I would love to wait until she asks to come and stay again.
Then ask if she has her eye on anything in particular….
(Before cutting her off)

EvilElsa · 22/12/2023 16:35

It's pretty disgusting to steal and use make up somebody else has been using 🤢. That said, I'd have taken it back and binned it rather than let her get away with blatant theft.
I'd be dropping her immediately. No need for an argument -she will just get defensive and deny she's done anything. Don't reply to her messages anymore. At least she lives 2 hours away!