Massive overreaction about unexpected food giftse food

[Cakedilemma]

I'm not sure what I want from this really. I guess I just want to talk about it and too embarrassed to discuss with anyone IRL, apart from my husband.

I am always thinking about my weight, I calorie count and tend to get panicky before big events. This year I've been doing really well, avoided the mountains of goodies at work, cut down on food bought/planned to make. I was feeling good, my weight this morning was actually my lowest all year.

The postie knocked on my door and handed me a parcel earlier, which I wasn't expecting. It's a box of massive brownies (very fancy ones in flavours thoughtfully chosen) and I've had what I can only really describe as a meltdown. I burst into tears and couldn't get a handle on my emotions for about 15 minutes. I realise this sounds pathetic. I've planned meals over the Christmas break, and I know I will gain weight, I just am trying to be mindful so it's not as much as it might have been in previous years. I had not planned for these, they are fresh so need eating soon, and are massive. I calmed down and shared one with my husband. I thought about skipping lunch to compensate but decided that was not normal behaviour and my lunch was nutritious! I've cut out a few planned things for this evening.

I ate the flavour that appeals most, and enjoyed it. But only one of the other flavours makes me think oh yes, immediately! So I thought maybe freeze the rest? But I feel so guilty, that someone has gone to trouble to buy me something kind, and this is how I have reacted. I'm also worried that this was an extreme reaction to a minor thing. But all I can think is that I don't know the calories and that I'll probably be heavier tomorrow. I have family events dotted throughout the holidays, with leftovers I'm sure. I'm terrified. The last two years I've started January depressed (2020 I only gained a couple of lbs because it was lockdown!) I don't want to feel like that again. It's not worth it. But I know I'm closer to underweight than overweight, so why am I having such a batshit crazy reaction? I'm not worried about family events, as they're planned.

I don't think I have an eating disorder as such, but I would agree I have disordered eating. I feel like everyone can see if I gain a few pounds, I can't bear to look at the pics from last Christmas as I think I look giant. Then again, I never think about other people's weight, so they probably don't think about mine either.

I mean this gently, but you do have an eating disorder, and potentially other issues surrounding body issues and weight. Crying for 15 mins about getting brownies, feeling good or down based on your weight, not being able to stop if you start, planning your food throughout the holidays, it’s really quite serious.

At that weight and height you are barely healthy BMI 18.6. This isn't a usual reaction, most people would think oh lovely, enjoy one with a cup of tea, maybe have one for pudding another day, share with other members of the household. Your low weight and emotional response to an edible gift indicates a wider problem.

An eating disorder doesn't mean you're very thin or very overweight. You can look slim/average and still have an eating disorder. You do. See PPs.

This thread has made me want to eat a brownie.
@SgtJuneAckland great advice and great user name

You could be a stone heavier and still very slim for your height.
You are overly obsessed with not eating, which as others have said is an eating disorder.

Thanks again for the comments. I have looked into eating disorders, but I don't fit in with any of them. They all sound much more serious. I essentially restrict calories most of the year, and go over the top for about 30 days a year. I do concede my reaction and control isn't a reasonable reaction. I am going to try not to update my calorie app tomorrow.

What you are describing here is “feast and famine”. You have been extreme dieting for so long that when you allow yourself a “treat” you can’t help but feast, then you punish yourself by going into famine mode again, which then means you switch back to feast mode because of the deprivation. It’s not quite a binge but it’s similar. It’s so much better for you to allow yourself a little
of what you fancy regularly so that you don’t swing from feast to famine constantly.

If you are weighing yourself daily then you MUST use an app like Happy Scale which flattens out your highs and lows across the weeks and months. No matter what you eat you WILL weigh in higher some days than others depending on how hydrated you are, where you are in your cycle, if you’ve had a bad a nights sleep and at least 50 other things.

Finally, you do not need to lose. If you feel this hopeless and are using words like “terrified” to describe your weight when you are at the lower end of your healthy BMI then you do have an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. This is not normal. People do not care what you weigh. Especially when you already fit societies standards of what is an acceptable weight. People do not enjoy your company more because you are 5 pounds lighter this month than last. They will enjoy your company less if you’re a boring twat who can’t eat a brownie without having a meltdown and are utterly obsessed with how you look. I know that sounds really harsh but it’s true. Nothing is more tedious than someone being wet about what they eat when they are very clearly slim.

I know how you feel, because I'm calorie counting too. I would cut each one into 4 pieces and freeze them. I'd have one each Sunday. I do have a small cake on Sundays. Why don't you do that?

You seem to have equated receiving them with having to eat them. You say you calmed down and then ate one, like it was a task you had to carry out. You really didn't need to eat it if you felt uncomfortable.

Why don't you cut up the rest, freeze them and then plan them into your food when Christmas is over.

Your feast or famine analogy is exactly it, Peppermint.

I don't think my friends would describe me as a boring twat but my colleagues might as I do always refuse food. I started a new job earlier this year and I'm offered food multiple times a day, was never a thing in my old job! If I'm going to a friends for dinner, I'll eat and enjoy, but I admit I will be eating less beforehand and after to make up for it. I wouldn't have a meltdown around anyone other than my husband, so I doubt they know the extent, though close friends and family do know I can be a bit obssessed by it.

Thanks beautiful & Holly. I will. I do usually have a little (tracked) treat of a weekend so it can be that.

Op do you use a calorie app every day?

Perfect. Now try to forget about them now and enjoy them at a later date when you are feeling more in control.

Something to bear in mind is that if one chronically undereats is that calcium is taken from your bones to feed your brain. Not good for your microbiome.

You will always either be gaining weight or losing it, the key is balance and understanding why.

Agree with the use of a smoothing app if you're taking daily measurements as food, water, salt and exercise all impact scale weight.

I'm sorry but it sounds like you have an eating disorder. You must know this isn't normal?

One thing I would say @Cakedilemma - Just because someone has given you a kind present doesn't mean you have to eat it. And as others have said just freeze for when you want it as @Holly60 said.

You are obviously very slim and so your level of worry doesn't resonate with me .

But - I don't like chocolate. Nobody believes me but I just don't & yet chocolate is a sort of go to present for someone who wants to give you something nice. I just say thank you very much - stick them in the fridge and hand them round to friends and family. But this is because I don't like them - However I do not feel guilty for not eating what people have given me. But my reasons are to do with preference - not with worrying about weight. If someone gave me a big wedge of nice cheese , well , different matter.

Control is clearly important to you. It’s always worth analysing a deep need for control; what is driving it, when it started, if it brings you happiness.

Goodness your relationship with food sounds dreadful. Using a calorie counter when you are underweight is crazy and whilst I get you don't want to overeat having a meltdown over a few brownies when you can freeze them or give some away sounds strange. Weighing yourself every day is not recommended either due to constant fluctuations.

Op I highly suggest you read Good Girls by Hadley Freeman in which she talks about her experiences with anorexia. She talks some of the issues you have raised. I think you’d find it quite eye opening.

Crying because you've lost control over the number of calories you're tracking via an unexpected food item, is definitely not a normal reaction to a gift of food and suggests you're not coping very well at the moment.

Alcoholics will often say they're fine and in control of their drinking because they don't drink every day or they don't pass out every night, but they don't recognise that they're using alcohol to change their feelings about themself.

You're essentially doing the same thing by slavishly calorie counting to control your emotions. When you've consumed a smaller number of calories, you believe you're more worthy and you dislike yourself when you think you might have overeaten.

You do sound like you could do with some help from a professional eating disorders therapist.

The constant worry must be exhausting! That's the issue, why are you focused on controlling your food/weight? Hopefully you can get professional help, but if you can't, you can work on shifting your thinking so you look at food for its nutritional value and what it can do for your body instead of just caloric value. Just freeze the brownies so they're not stressing you out. The holidays are giving you an overload already. You could cut them into bite size pieces too, so the thought of eating one will be less scary. Over the next few weeks try to practice mindfulness while preparing and eating food. What colors do you see? Meditate on one sense at a time, really appreciating the smell, the taste, etc. Google info about the vitamins so foods have more value in your mind than just numbers. When you start to feel overwhelmed again, try box breathing. I think there's an app you can use for a guide. You'll figure out how to get your thinking more healthy. Just take it one day at a time.

I thought about skipping lunch to compensate but decided that was not normal behaviour

But it is normal behaviour. If I am going to a restaurant to have a big unhealthy meal I don't have breakfast and very little, if anything in the evening.

I had a very similar experience - DD 15 bought me some posh brownies for Mother’s Day, when I was also dieting. She was so proud of herself for choosing it but I felt exactly the same as you OP!

I cut them up and shared them out between the DC and DH. I was going to freeze them but they didn’t actually last that long. I only had a few pieces.

Also, please throw your scale away. Weight is a very poor indication of health. I've always said scales and weight tracking are just asking for an eating disorder. My mother had an eating disorder so I've been vigilant about prevention for a long time. Even when pregnant when I'm weighed at the doctor's I don't look at the number and I ask them not to talk about it. I only discuss nutritional needs. I've never known my weight and never will. If asked, I have a set number I give because it doesn't fucking matter. We could both be the same height and build, but I might have more muscle. If I focused on getting my weight to the same number as yours, I would be hurting myself. The numbers are arbitrary.