Totally freaked out about having a baby again

[LuckyVoila]

I have a DD who is nearly 8 & am pregnant again (same Dad). Massive age gap due to the fact I didn't feel ready for another til DD was 4 and then we've had nearly 4 years of secondary infertility.

Anyway now it's really hit me I'm totally panicking. It was so long ago I had a baby and DD is so self sufficient now that the thought of going back to the baby and toddler days is completely freaking me out. I was 26 when I had her and I'm now pushing 35, I must be utterly crazy to be going back to sleepless nights and nappies?! Plus DD has been a dream of a child in all honesty and I'm terrified of totally upending her life and ours.

I didn't truly think about this before as I was so totally focused on not being able to get pregnant.

Any words of encouragement from those who have had a big gap and then gone back to the baby days?

Not a big gap as mine are 14 months apart, but I remember going to the hospital to have my second and saying to my dh I can't believe I am doing this again!
I think it's natural to worry about things like this. It's probably hard to get your head around to how did you cope with the lack of sleep etc before but you do. Don't forget the natural endorphins that having a baby can produce. Will your eldest want to help with things? That might help make things a bit easier, like rocking the baby in a bouncy chair whilst you prepare things.
I hope things go well for you and congratulations on your pregnancy as it sounds like it was a difficult four years to get to this point💐

I had 3 kids in 5 years, one of my sisters has one child and another sister had 2 kids in 18m. Whichever way you do it, it’s hard, knackering and oh so amazing. You’ve got a ready made helper, a (presumably) solid sleeper and no doubt a protective older sibling! What a blessing! It’ll still be tough and you’ll have to make compromises along the way but huge huge congratulations 🩷

I had a seven year gap and it was lovely to have a new baby in the house.

There is 12yrs 2mths between our 1st and 2nd. Then 19mths between 2nd and 3rd. I was 36 when I had our 2nd. You're crazy 🤣 but trust me it's workable. The biggest issue when they're tiny is you are so used to being able to do what you want and when you want. It's hard and very tiring going back to baby things. The next issue you find as the baby gets older thinking of family days out. Our eldest is 15, 2nd is 3 and 3rd is almost 21mths. Finding things we can all do is really difficult. However I wouldn't change a thing even though it's been crazy and I miss my afternoon nap x

No big age gap here (zero gap actually - twins) but I'm sure you will be fine when it happens - when you're in the thick of the sleepless nights etc it just becomes normal and you get used to your new normal. Having a gap will be lovely as your daughter can help you with the baby and be a useful extra pair of hands! Any impact on her day to day life now will hopefully be insignificant compared to the benefits of having a sibling:)

I had DD2 when DD1 was 6.5 and starting to get really independent. I’m now pregnant with DS and DD1 will be 10 and DD2 will be 3.5 when he is born. I sometimes wonder what on earth we’re doing as both DDs are starting to get easier on the whole and I’m going back to the beginning again! I thought the same before DD2 was born though and she was very much planned and took over a year to conceive. All of those thoughts melted away when she arrived. I know they will again with DS is born in a few months.

Congratulations. It’s perfectly normal to have mixed feelings about being pregnant even when it was much planned and anticipated.

My eldest just turned 30, the next is 23 and the next and last is 12 so i am queen of age gaps. I know what you mean about starting all over again but you soon settle back into it. Like pp said it was lovely having a baby in the house again. I love babies mind so that helps.
It worked for us. I am not really sure I would have handled them really close together. I liked having them young each individually for as long as possible iyswim.

Had my first at 31, second at 33. Had my youngest at 43. It’s hard work. I’m now 46.

I have 13 and 16 yo sons with my ex-husband. Met my now husband and at 43 and 48 we have a (very much planned and wanted) 3 yo little girl. His first and last child sadly but we simply can't afford any more 😞
I won't lie - being a ft working mum at 43 is very different and more exhausting than being a very much pt working mum at 26, but sometimes it's just how life pans out. No regrets.
You will do just fine ❤️

You will adjust.

Six year age gap between mine. I had my second in my 40s.

The girls adore each other. The older one is very helpful. And I appreciate having had 6 years to concentrate on my older one.

I remember changing the first nappy after my second was born and thinking "here we go again". But I got used to it again anyway.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have a 6 and a half year age gap, also due to secondary infertility. I felt decades older heading in to the newborn days but am surviving so far!

I've found it both a joy and also difficult st times. Although lovely my eldest can understand and help, it has been challenging in ways I didn't expect. I've found the feeding/tiredness/nappies etc easier to return to than I thought. It all comes back to you quickly and I've felt a lot more relaxed, confident in my decision making and my ability to not accidentally drop a baby on their head etc.

What took me by surprise more than I expected was how hard it would be for my eldest to have me tied up in baby care. We spoke aboit this a lot before baby arrived and how them being so smal and dependsnt on me would be for a relatively short period, ut the reality felt very different to what they expected I think. My eldest suddenly had to wait a lot, be quieter when baby napped and was unable to do some of our usual activities as I adjusted to juggling with two. They struggled with the lack of attention and dedicated time and went through a stage about 3 or 4 months in of saying they hated being an older sibling which made me so sad.

We are through that now and they adore each other, bubeyond advice is to be prepared - your eldest will be used to the freedom you have with an older child so some activities/trips/time with you are hard to say goodbye to, even if it is temporary. You will get through the other side and I am loving seeng their bond grow, but there have been a few "god, what have I done" moments along the way when I thought my eldest might never forgive me for turning their life on its head for a little while.

I had 3 kids in my 20's, then I had my fourth when I was 40. So there's a 12 year gap between my next youngest and my now-toddler. I have long covid too, so physically it was brutal. But everything else you mentioned hasn't been an issue. It's been a joy. Even changing diapers feels like an act of love, not a chore. She fits right in too. Because of my illness the thought of another pregnancy makes me shudder, but I wish I could. Time goes by faster the older you get so the newborn stage went by in a flash this time. It always does but even more so now. I also feel more present, and calm. So I'm enjoying it more. It's different when you feel like 'this very well might be my last' so I feel like I'm trying to soak up every moment.

This is me.. had first age 26.. told l couldn't have any more ( endometriosis/ PCOS/ ectopic/ miscarriage. Age 35 l had my second ( both girls) . Eldest was like a mother hen .. they are now 31 and 39 and best friends.
I more or less brought them up on my own. We were and still are a tight knit and have a close bond.
I was actually better second time around.. more confident.. seemed to be more relaxed etc.. both breast fed for two years..
I attended more mother and baby groups.. made more friends.. wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Or on the other hand, you may have another dream of a baby. You'll be able to teach your dd all about babies, so she has a sensible view , and she may love being your little helper.

Why assume the worst?

Congratulations.

12 years between our first and next 3 who are now twins 2 and boy 3 ...loved it

My first two children were 13 months apart and it was a breeze. I was young (20!) and had SO much energy!

Our fourth baby (same dad), I had when I was 36, she’s almost 4. There was a 10 year age gap between her and baby number 3. I feel so old and tired! But she is the best thing that happened to our family. Watching our older children fall in love with their baby sibling was just gorgeous and she brings so much joy to our lives. Well worth being tired for. I remember how daunting it was having her and being pregnant. I’d forgotten everything and was so scared. Good luck OP!

Don't worry about your age, I had my first at 35 and my second at 37. He's 10 weeks old now and i'm managing fine at nearly 40 🤣

It's natural to panic, don't question yourself too much. I wanted to have mine close in age but due to secondary infertility it wasn't to be, I get what you mean about focusing only on TTC. All the while the gap is extending and the family you now have is not the one you planned originally. Personally I found the return to nappies and baby stuff very easy, I was so clueless first time round and felt so much more confident second time. You'd be lucky to have two easy babies that's true but you have so much knowledge and experience now, even if things are hard you'll cope much better. Plus you have DD to help, running to fetch a towel after a vomit or sitting in the car with baby while you pop into the shop, those little things count for a lot.

Eight years between my first and second. I enjoyed my second so much more (because it wasn't such a shock to the system) - totally loved every moment of it!

Big age gaps make as many things easy as they do difficult. It will be a shock. And also OK. There will be days when you think "why did I think this was a good idea?" and other days when you can't believe how lucky you are.

8 is really not that big a gap. There's 18 (nearly 19) years between my first and second and 20 between my eldest and the last baby I had.

I've got an 8 year gap between my first and 2nd DS, first was from a precious relationship. I don't think it's a huge gap, they are now 14 and 6 and still play and fight together! Also have a 4 and a half year gap between DS 2 and 3. My first was a 'dream baby' 2 and 3 not so much but that's life and you get through it!

There is an 8 year gap between my two. It's lovely! My boys have always had a lovely bind and got on well. They get on each other's nerves occasionally like most siblings.

It's nice that I can go out and leave them together when I need to as well. I always ask my eldest if he's ok with it but I tell the youngest he's the one in charge

We now have an 11 month old and a 9 year old as we had the same situation of wanting to wait a while but then it taking a long time and having a miscarriage too. We're now in early 40s and it is pretty exhausting although it was first time around too and tbh I think we just get on with it more now partly because we know what it expect. We have two girls and our older girl absolutely loves her baby sister even though we all had worries as she had been an only child for longer. She's also very helpful and it's great she really gets to see how a baby developments and we can share her with that. She often thanks us for giving her a sister and wants us to have another. We know there will be some challenges due to different ages wanting different activities etc but it works ok so far. The first Christmas has been so lovely for them both. Baby seems to have good communication skills where she wants to get involved with us 3. Congratulations and I hope everything goes well for you.

I'm 41 and have a 1 and a 6 year old, so not a huge gap but I do understand how you feel. I felt so guilty before DD2 was born because I felt terrified of her. Anyway, turned out beautifully. She's really completed the family and all the stuff I worried about I genuinely haven't minded as we all love her so much. Good luck!