Totally freaked out about having a baby again

[LuckyVoila]

I have a DD who is nearly 8 & am pregnant again (same Dad). Massive age gap due to the fact I didn't feel ready for another til DD was 4 and then we've had nearly 4 years of secondary infertility.

Anyway now it's really hit me I'm totally panicking. It was so long ago I had a baby and DD is so self sufficient now that the thought of going back to the baby and toddler days is completely freaking me out. I was 26 when I had her and I'm now pushing 35, I must be utterly crazy to be going back to sleepless nights and nappies?! Plus DD has been a dream of a child in all honesty and I'm terrified of totally upending her life and ours.

I didn't truly think about this before as I was so totally focused on not being able to get pregnant.

Any words of encouragement from those who have had a big gap and then gone back to the baby days?

My friend has 3 kids with her dh, they are now 16, 23, 30. It worked for her!!!!

7.5y gap between me and my sister and the hardest bit (my dm seems to concur) is when I was a teen and had a 7/8yo sibling.

They'd be up at cock crow singing and dancing around the house and wanting to watch cartoons all day and I'd be trying to sleep in a bit or just want to hang out in the main family spaces but they were like daycare rooms.

I spent a lot of time in my room alone.

We are both adults now and best friends.

11 years between mine and honestly it’s fine. It’s hard of course but you’ve done it once and you know the awful initial non sleeping, crying stage doesn’t last forever. You can see the end result of having a lovely child in your eldest and you just sort of find the willpower to battle through. I found my first baby really awful (sorry dd now aged 21!) I totally underestimated how difficult it would be and ended up with raging severe pnd. When I had my second I found it much easier, overwhelming in some different ways but I felt a lot more confident and not so worried about leaving them to cry for a bit etc. You’ll be okay. ❤️

There are 7 years between my son and my 4 year old daughter. I had my first born at the top of my 30’s and the second one at the bottom. I too was afraid of doing it again; constant baby care and sleepless nights.

it is amazing what love does to us. There was love and joy and exhaustion and just chaos, when my daughter was a baby. The tricky thing remains that they don’t have the same interests. One loves Santa visits and the farm and playground, the other is a science fanatic. We just have to plan for these things.

Hi I’ve got the same age gap mine are now 12 and 4 and I was the same- I had my first at 22 so had lots to achieve house and job wise before we felt ready for another , I was totally worried about going back to the beginning as my first DS was never any trouble and was fairly independent at 8 sleepless nights were long gone and I was so worried how a new baby would effect everything but honestly I think it was so good for him, it brought out a different side to him that I hadn’t seen and it’s been so lovely watching them grow together, DS1 was so caring in the baby stage and loved helping me (now they fight and wrestle as they are 2 boys lol) it was hard starting again but definitely worth it to see their bond together and I feel much easier than a small age gap from what I’ve seen of friends!- I would say just make time to try to have one on one time - little trips out- with your first as mine really appreciated this when we did it and still does! Good luck in your new chapter!

I was 8 when my parents had my little brother (my mum was 34). I’m not sure how they found it but I remember wanting to help especially giving him bottles. I never felt like my life was disrupted but being in school probably helped with that. Like others have said you’ll have a little helper who’ll likely be thrilled to be a big sister. You’ve got this!

DD was turned 7 and then my second DD was born 3months later. The first 6 months were a blur. My eldest was woken some nights and slept through others. She woke up with us at 5am some mornings and others she slept until her school alarm. I had PNA which was horrendous and I was just in survival mode. I returned to work part time when DD was 9 months. In fact the first year is a blur.
My eldest has been an amazing big sister and she adapted so well to the change in her routine, lifestyle and generally not being the baby anymore.
My youngest has met all her milestones earlier than average, I’m not sure if it’s a 2nd born thing or that she wants to be like her big sister.
The hardest part is my eldest knowing a life without her sister and has said “Remember when it was just the two of us and we could do what we wanted” Similar is “You always pay attention to ‘DD2’” It’s heartbreaking to feel like you’re failing one of them.

Youngest is now 2 and 4 months. Every new stage is a challenge. I’m currently living with a twonado and pre teen - girls. The sass is explosive.

I’m not sure how I’m doing it, but we’re surviving everyday and when I look back, I’m shocked how I did it.
And you will do it. In the moment, it can feel overwhelming but you’ll be ok.

My gap is only 2.5 years but honestly I still felt that same way so I think it's totally natural!

So much uncertainty with a new baby... will they be a good eater / sleeper, will they have colic : reflux issues, will they be chilled or high needs. Other than knowing they will be a baby there is so much unknown and then the fact you have an existing child who will be impacted adds to it I think!

Try not to stress, what will be will be! All the best with baby number 2

Congratulations, you will be just fine. I have an 9 year gap, and my first was also super easy.. Buy a sling is my advice and it will all be ok. There are some real benefits, mine have a lovely relationship (now 7 and 17) it helps in the baby phase for you to hopefully enjoy it more as because you know it actually is just a phase! Plus you get lots of individual time with them both. The first few years of finding things for them both to enjoy can at times be tricky, however in about 8 years it is so helpful having an older one who can safely watch the younger one for short amounts of time!