Some young child is going to be disappointed this Christmas

[Nudgethatjudge]

Name changed for this as could be identifying.
(long term quiet resident TDWR, PomBears etc.)

DS3's school has been collecting toys/books etc. for a local charity initiative who ensure children who are not in permanent housing will get a gift for Christmas. Some new, some great condition used goods.
Note: there's some affluent people donating to this cause.

Today his year group participated in the wrapping of gifts, putting on a tag with age and gender (that's another argument).

DS3 is autistic. He's come home and said "I don't know if to laugh or cry"

One of items he was given to wrap was a book on "How to play your Cello".

DS3 informed the member of staff "if they don't have their own home are they likely to have a cello?"

Staff member took the book off him, gave it to some one else to wrap.

A child will be given that on Xmas Day.
DS3 is so sad.

I don't know what to say to him. I can't make that better.

Oh that’s so bad. Surely these gifts should be checked first. Poor kids on Christmas and your poor ds who’s rightly upset about it too.

That's quite upsetting. Bless your DS

Oh that is so sad to actually donate to that charity a book like that . It just goes to show some unkind people around .

Oh bless him, what a good heart your DS has.

Absolutely crap of that staff member though, no common sense at all. Hopefully the poor kid who gets the book will get something else as well.

how old is your son?

and this issue aside - what’s your view on the teacher?

why could i be identifying?

have you spoken about it with the parents of classmates?

I'm hoping it was donated thoughtlessly rather than nasty.

But human nature never fails to be amazing does it?

it’s crap of the charity that this book has got through to be wrapped

We did the town charity tree where you take a tag with a requested gift and buy it. Simple things like a book. a cosy blanket... Your ds sounds lovely.. Maybe he could help you choose a few items for a book bank? If you are in a position to help of course...

Hello Velvetoptions
Lot of questions there...

Not giving you full details as not sure why you need to know. But I'll give you the following:
Secondary school age.
I have no thoughts on staff member, never met them. Don't even know their name.
I am paranoid
Why would I talk to other parents about it?

i have no idea why you’d talk about it to other parents but assumed you had given you said potentially outing!

can your DS ask the pupil who got it whether it was passed to them to be wrapped and not perhaps put on a “no” pile

You read that post and that's what you are focusing on?

Jeez.

somewhat ironic

Your son is very attuned to others feelings, good for him, I wish there were more adults like that.

I am not sure what I would say, however I would mention to the school. They may well just be giving at Christmas for the aesthetic, in which case, this is not a good look, I would be tempted to point that out.

My previous posts do mention my children and certain situations and people could connect from those posts so I wanted to name change. And if you name change and someone checks your previous posts and finds zilch you can accused of being a troll.

It's hard work on here at times.

thoughtless and stupid - completely agree.

Its thoughtless charity like this which is the reason food banks have lists of what they will (and won't) accept

as for some of the comments on this thread - utterly baffling!!!!

That is almost hilarious if it wasn't for the fact the teacher (allegedly) gave it to someone else to wrap. Why on earth couldn't the teacher just remove it and why on earth did someone think this was suitable to donate.
Some people just really don't think when it comes to donations.
@Nudgethatjudge good on your lad for speaking up - at least he tried. Be proud of him.

I'm guessing it was just somebody had had a sort out, saw a 'charity' collection and got rid of it without a second thought - certainly no care or consideration whatsoever of the poor children whose meagre Christmas was supposed to be made a tiny bit brighter.

Probably a similar mindset to people who leave black bags of stuff in the doorway to charity shops when they're closed, surely knowing that anything that isn't blown around the street or stolen will get rain, dog wee or drunks' vomit on it and then represent a cost to the charity, whose workers have to move it to get into the shop then chuck the now obviously unsaleable items into their bins, to be charged as trade waste.

I once helped at a charity for children with severe learning difficulties - some very young and also some who were older but with a level of mental development far younger than average for their age - who had a similar drive at requesting gifts. They made it very clear that all gifts had to be far too big to fit into a child's mouth and thus present a choking hazard, yet somebody gave a (loose) Weeble?!

Eugh, that's not good, is it?

We have a toy bank locally and they're desperate for older boys stuff. Especially cologne type sets (food banks always need teen boys toiletries BTW). So I went to heron foods (it's virtually next door) and they had some sets in there. I bought a few, and took them to the toy bank. Maybe your ds might like to do something like that with you?

He sounds really thoughtful.

That is awful op. So tone deaf to do that to a poor child. But your son sounds like a wonderful caring young man

Oh OP, that is rubbish.

I think my response would be to take DS to buy another gift to donate.

It won't stop some poor kid receiving that rubbish book. But in a roundabout way, it will help because another child might receive something when they would otherwise have been disappointed.

If it's too late to donate to that appeal, you could just donate some money to a charity like YMCA doing Christmas appeals for young people etc.

It will help teach your DS a lesson that you can do more good in another way to offset a bad situation.

I work for a charity and we give gifts to those we support.

We unwrap them, check them and books like that we would either not gift(most likely) or add to another better present. Hopefully this charity would heve done the same, or the teacher, out-of sight, would heve put it one side.

A bit harsh - the donor might have thought the books would be sold to raise money.

At fault are the charity, for not vetting the books properly, and the teacher for ignoring the DS's very valid concern.