Not married - what would happen if one of us ended up in ICU?

[SpringMeadows]

My DP and I are not married and don't intend to. We are in England. My understanding is that if something were to happen and one of us ended up critically ill in hospital, because we are not related, we may not be allowed to see each other in hospital.

Does anyone know if this is correct? Maybe someone who works in a hospital? Apparently you cannot make someone you are not related to, your 'legal next of kin' in the UK.

We have no wish to get married but the above seems a huge drawback for unmarried couples.

If your estate is over the IHT threshold then you'll be liable for it if you're not married.
You can still be financially independent and married.

Both our estates are over the IHT threshold. However, as I mentioned above, we are not each other's main beneficiaries so even if we were married this wouldn't matter.

@Reugny there weren’t any concerns from the hospital. I was the midwife involved and sent the baby home with the dad. Then got a massive bollocking the following day as they weren’t married and I shouldn’t have done it. Years later it’s still used as an example of what not to do in our yearly training 🙈

What? Men trump women in 2023?

AHis partner of 20 years, and nobody else, was involved with the medical team, in all decision making from the minute he entered the hospital. There was absolutely none else involved despite his parents and his brother visiting from day one. The team always assumed his partner was the one they should consult with
I think the point is more that his parents could have overridden this if they’d been that way inclined.

The point actually is that neither his partner of 20 years or his parents had any more legal right than a random person off the street in relation to decision making about his health care needs if they didn't hold health and welfare LPA for him.

In practice hospital staff do consult with close family members and will take their opinions into account, but if there is any kind of a dispute either between family members or family and staff then if there is no LPA in place then it can be up to the court to make a decision.

Happens much more frequently than people realise as well.

You can each name each other as NOK. My partner was in hospital , I was named as NOK and they contacted me.
I also work for the NHS

You absolutely can do this but as discussed above it has no legal standing if challenged by anyone else and provides absolutely no formal decision making power for you.

Some hospital trusts provide extremely inadequate training to their staff on the Mental Capacity Act 2005 given its something most HCPs will be using every single day. If you have been given the impression that nominating a NOK is equivalent to a Health and Welfare LPA as part of your NHS training then I would suggest raising that higher up.

@CormorantStrikesBack so you did the right thing and got in trouble - typical.

I'm sorry.

My DP and some other fathers I know have been interrogated for taking their own children to medical appointments so I shouldn't be surprised. Even more when I told a medical practitioner to wind her neck in.

Yeah I think morally I did the right thing. Remember I had spent 12 hours looking after the couple before she suddenly became very poorly following delivery. They were very much a couple. He was happy to take the baby home and had support from her mother so I was happy the baby was going to be looked after. Legally maybe my manager had a point. I’m not sure.

i must admit in the years of working in the NHS I have never actually come across this as being a problem in reality. I think we get misled by what happens on American TV tbh. I can’t imagine the circumstances (in adults) where a known partner would be excluded. Even if your DP was your husband if we knew you didn’t want him involved in decision making then he wouldn’t be.

Unless someone has an LPA nobody is signing consent forms for anybody else - 2 doctors sign in best interests. I also certainly wouldn’t ignore a partners feelings as to what the pt would want just because they weren’t married (and I think anyone who did would be on a bit of a sticky wicket).

we have had separated spouses who thought they had more ’rights’ than they did and erroneously thought they were entitled to medical information without us gaining patients consent.

this isn’t the thing that would make me get married if it’s not what I wanted. I would however consider LPAs as there is potentially more long term health, welfare and financial decisions which are far and away easier with that (and better than a marriage certificate in many regards). Alongside that I would recommend either a living will/letter of wishes

Yes - as far as I know thats how it works.
Sadly our friends son died in an accident, he wasn’t married to his partner so his dad was beneficiary of insurance policy’s etc. (He gave the money to the partner.) They didn’t have kids though, not sure if that changes things.

This is utter rubbish. You can choose anyone you want to be NOK.

"Yes - as far as I know thats how it works."

Can anyone confirm with a link to the law?
This seems unbelievable in 2024!

It doesn't work like that, there are several links on the thread to information about NOK, and there's no law governing NOK in most circumstances.

We have started getting both our wills and LPAs going. WRT to my DP the latter is more important to me than the former.