I can’t think on the spot and it looks unprofessional

[Thinkero]

I am on the pathway to being referred for a diagnosis of autism. I am high masking and generally function fine, or appear to anyway. I come unravelled when social situations arise where I can’t go in armed and prepared with a script of what to say.

If I am asked to explain a topic I know really well to someone else at work, I can’t do it. I freeze and worry about saying the wrong thing and there is making eye contact, making the right facial expressions, it’s a lot to remember.

Presenting makes me feel physically sick. It doesn’t come up too often so I am able to avoid it and do other tasks that I am more capable at. I know it’s avoidance and I think others believe it’s anxiety/me trying to shirk it. It is anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd, but to an extreme level- I am conscious of every little thing and it’s a sensory overload as well as trying to process info and say everything I need to. The slightest change or if I forgot my next point would completely derail the whole thing and I would not be able to continue. I would also dread this kind of thing weeks in advance of doing it.

I enjoy my job very much and generally I’m well liked but I worry my inability to do certain tasks will leave me unstuck at some point. I work really hard and put effort into all other areas but I am just not very good at all at thinking on my feet and since realising I’m likely autistic I don’t believe this is a skill I can develop, more my brain isn’t wired up to be dynamic in some circumstances.

Would you judge me if I was a colleague of yours and can anyone make any helpful tips or suggestions? thank you!

Well I was a big fan of, "let me check my notes.".
Also, you can try saying you prefer to answer by email, as then THEY have it all in writing and YOU can check you didn't leave anything out.

"Good question. Can I get back to you in 5 about that, there's just something I need to check before I give you a full answer " is another handy phrase.

Also, rephrasing the question back to them (or blathering on about how "the question of blah blah blah comes up surprisingly often") to give my brain a bit of breathing space.

At work, if they are really interested in the answer, they may not bother TOO much about your demeanor as long as they get an answer. You can buy processing time by asking questions to break it all down.

That's a good idea in general, as quite often they don't know enough to ask quite the right question ("in my experience the outcome is better if I check the requirements/situation" is a good phrase if they want to know why you're not rushing to answer directly).

In short there are tactics you can pick up which help...

Lots of people struggle to present. I used to get really stressed about it but got better with practice, presenting to my immediate team and having my notes in order.

Appreciate that even with tactics and practice it might still not be something you can do. If you were my colleague and were open about it (and possible diagnosis) we would have worked round it so you played to your strengths and others did to theirs.

Thinking about it, 20 years ago I worked with a very clever person who really struggled with talking to people. If he had to meet clients he was so highly respected that his delivery didn't matter, it was what he said that did.

People only listen to a bit of what you say, and I was always taught that no one minds if you say you need to check something/think about it and will come back to them later. If you worry less about it (easy to say, not to do). It does get easier, or perhaps I learned to care less.

I'm (tested/assessed) neuro-typical but am a bit of an oddball and share your feelings about these situations.

At this point in my life I'm just honest. This means that I point-blank refuse any group presentations or public speaking (and am always very upfront about it before embarking on a working relationship so the team can decide if they still want me).

It also means that I can laugh at myself when asked a question that flusters me and I feel very comfortable saying with a smile "I'm a slow deep thinker and kind of awkward but I want to help. Now, ask me that question again while I stare at the wall and take a long time to answer!"

I've found that almost everyone is quite relaxed about my oddness when they know they're not doing anything wrong, I just can't think and maintain eye contact at the same time.

Would you feel ok about being honest this way? After all, we all have strengths and limitations.

Saying something like “hmm, that’s a really good question/feels important. Let me have a think and come back to you.”

it’s my code for I need some time to google the answer/ remember how to do my job!

I'm autistic and I can't think on the spot either. My mind goes blank and it almost feels like my fight-or-flight is triggered but as soon as they leave and I sit back down at my computer, all of the answers come flooding back. I'm good at my job, I just can't organise my thoughts while they're looking at me. I also have aphantasia (no mind's eye) so it's very difficult for me to recall a linear process from memory. I used to try and cover it up by waffling until my brain stopped buffering but I've realised that just drew more attention to it!

I don't hide my diagnosis if it comes up in conversation (and I wear a rainbow infinity pin on my work lanyard so those who know, know) and I now feel comfortable taking a note of the question and telling the person I will respond by email. That also means I can attach relevant documents/help guides, plus it builds up a nice stock of responses in case similar questions come up in the future.

It doesn't need to be a Big Thing either, I just say "leave that with me and I'll email you" and absolutely nobody has protested.

I’m not autistic (as far as I know!) but am quite socially awkward and I’m the exact same. I don’t have a solution for you, just sympathy.

im particularly rubbish at job interviews though I think I’m a very diligent and capable worker. I often wish companies wouldn’t you just do the job for half a day as an assessment method instead of interviewing.

I'm another that can't think on the spot. I'm quite upfront about it, these days. I simply say that I'm bad at thinking on the spot, so let me mull it over and I'll get back to them. I've often been known to loop back to something later on a conversation after it's had time to percolate in my subconscious.

I'm not autistic, relatively senior and have this problem too. I will sometimes give a very caveated initial response but generally I ask people if I can come back to them via email when I've had a chance to think. Nobody's ever objected.

I don’t think this is related to autism necessarily. A lot of shy, anxious and socially awkward people tend to feel uncomfortable about speaking in public and struggle if they’re put on the spot. Whereas people with autism are less likely to freeze like a rabbit caught in the headlights, they’re quite capable of regurgitating reams of useless facts while barely making eye contact.

I have autism. I regularly presented to groups of up to 100 people without any anxiety at all. I once gave a talk to 1000 people. In fact one of the reasons I was diagnosed with autism was because I could coldly stand up and give a one-way presentation to a large number of people, fluently reciting facts and barely noticing or caring that there were other human beings in the room - but if you put me face to face with a couple of people I was unable to have a two-way conversation or make small talk or eye contact.

Rather than having a script of the answers, you need a script of holding responses.

If you can answer great, if not then have a standard phrase to go back with.

'Great question, let me check on that and come back to you'

'This feels important, just bear with me while I have a think about that'

You might notice that a lot of your colleagues communicate in this way - a lot of work interactions are very scripted!

Does your manager know?
One of my colleagues is autistic and very honest about her requirements. For example, when interviewed for the job she asked for the interview questions in advance so she had time to prepare answers - this was considered a reasonable adjustment. Obviously she got the job.
In general terms though - have strategies to play for time (let me check and get back to you etc) are good and presentation nearly always comes down to preparation and technique - which can be learnt. Some people are just naturally good, but for most people it's a skill you learn and get better at with practice.

The anxiety around presentations is separate to being unable to think on the spot and may need different ways to handle it.

Re presenting - at the very least, you should have a frank and open conversation with your boss about this. Explain how bad your concerns are re presenting. She may want to suggest you do some training or similar, which you could try, but depending on your situation, that might not really help you. Honestly and openess are useful here. Even more so if you do get a diagnosis.

Re ad-hoc queries - Stock phrases as suggested. "Oh, yes, I can absolutely talk you through that. Just give me 5 minutes to get my head into the right space" etc. For colleagues you work closely with on a regular basis, it can even become a bit more known eg "Oh, right. Sure, I'll help you but you know me, I need a minute to gather my thoughts. Let's grab a cup of tea and talk about it in five minutes?"

One of my colleagues is autistic and very honest about her requirements. For example, when interviewed for the job she asked for the interview questions in advance so she had time to prepare answers - this was considered a reasonable adjustment. Obviously she got the job

I had no idea this was possible. I'm awaiting assessment for ASD, & totally fluffed an interview this morning due to this - complete mind blank when asked a question.

But @Beamur that is totally unreasonable and not fair! Anyone with the questions in advance will beat others. I think that is very out of order and no employment tribunal would consider that reasonable if a better candidate complained after finding that out.

Not helpful for presentations but I learned from a colleague to say ‘I’ll need to have a think about that and get back to you’. I said it many times. Obviously there are times that won’t do but many times it will and it’s good to create that culture I think.

HR said it was reasonable. She got half an hour before the interview in a quiet room.

Any other candidate with the same requirement would have been offered the same.

I’d recommend the book Think Faster, Talk Smarter by Matt Abraham. It’s really good on exactly this issue and how to improve.

I have asked for the questions in advance and been told no. At my next interview, I asked for a printed copy of the questions instead (not ahead of time, just so I could read along during the interview) and they said yes.

It made a world of difference because I immediately forget verbal information/questions and then ramble endlessly, so it allowed me to stick to the topic. I got the job, too.

I read your title OP and my first thought was, 'I bet you're ND'.

It's a very common problem in the workplace. I used to teach behavioural skills

A presentation skills course would give you lots of tools to help with the anxiety. I have never seen anyone not improve.

I am EXACTLY the same.

Even having to explain my job role at the beginning of meetings leaves me stumped. I just can't think on the spot AT ALL. I now have it written in the front of my diary, that's how bad I am.

Going to watch this in case anyone has some sort of advice!!

Personally I wouldn't judge you but that may be because I'm exactly the same. I would probably feel relief that I'm not the only person like that. Everyone else in the office seems to be amazing at talking off the cuff. Must be nice to be like that.

I am neurotypical and I can't think on the spot, and hate presenting. I deal with it by saying, 'can I check that for you and send you an email'? I've done some training about presenting which has helped. If I have to, I do it in the smallest group possibly, and try and make it very interactive.

This is good advice. And say ' i want to make sure i tell you the right info' or 'I know that guidance gets updated regularly so I need to check the latest version'. It's much better to do that than get it wrong.

Just read the other comments.
People's suggestions to just be honest is spot on.

This is something I do in meetings. I will literally say "I'm really sorry, I'm terrible on the spot. I'll email you after", or words to that effect. I laugh it off and if they are judging, then so be it.

@Boomboom22 someone in my work also requested to have the questions beforehand. We were both being interviewed and so they sent us both the questions the day before to read through. I think as long as they offer people the exact same adjustments then it's allowed (I work in civil service though, so basically anything goes!!).