I can’t think on the spot and it looks unprofessional

[Thinkero]

I am on the pathway to being referred for a diagnosis of autism. I am high masking and generally function fine, or appear to anyway. I come unravelled when social situations arise where I can’t go in armed and prepared with a script of what to say.

If I am asked to explain a topic I know really well to someone else at work, I can’t do it. I freeze and worry about saying the wrong thing and there is making eye contact, making the right facial expressions, it’s a lot to remember.

Presenting makes me feel physically sick. It doesn’t come up too often so I am able to avoid it and do other tasks that I am more capable at. I know it’s avoidance and I think others believe it’s anxiety/me trying to shirk it. It is anxiety of speaking in front of a crowd, but to an extreme level- I am conscious of every little thing and it’s a sensory overload as well as trying to process info and say everything I need to. The slightest change or if I forgot my next point would completely derail the whole thing and I would not be able to continue. I would also dread this kind of thing weeks in advance of doing it.

I enjoy my job very much and generally I’m well liked but I worry my inability to do certain tasks will leave me unstuck at some point. I work really hard and put effort into all other areas but I am just not very good at all at thinking on my feet and since realising I’m likely autistic I don’t believe this is a skill I can develop, more my brain isn’t wired up to be dynamic in some circumstances.

Would you judge me if I was a colleague of yours and can anyone make any helpful tips or suggestions? thank you!

You could also say something like “ This is important - let me reflect as I need to get it right”..or something similar. The point you are making is that you want to do the best job you can and you are not brushing someone off, or have been unprepared

I've nothing useful to add op, just that I could have written your post, I totally get what you're saying.

I'm like you op. It's like all my bandwidth is used by just being the centre of attention, so any actual thinking at the same time has depleted brainpower.

I'm like you. I warned my boss and he made sure either he or someone else from the group was also there whenever I had to present. I passed questions over to them if I needed to.

Thank you everyone I’ve read through all the comments and lots are very useful to try

If an interview candidate is having the questions upfront then all candidates should have that option.

I'm the same way. You have every right to exist and be treated the same as everyone else. Hold your head high and do your job the way you see fit. That's what you were hired to do. I usually buy myself some time by asking a question. People are very easily distracted by themselves. They may say what you struggled to and made them feel important at the same time. I will also say something along the lines of "Give me a moment to process that. -Insert question here-" You don't have to feel less than, nervous, or pressured. The more you stand up for your right to live the more confident you'll become, even if no one knows you're fighting a battle inside. I highly recommend therapy or another tool that gets you talking to others about it in person, it's very normalizing.

It’s an interview, not a test. Reasonable adjustments exist to create equity. If someone with autism needs additional processing time and having prep time before with the questions allows this, by removing this as an option, you’re essentially denying someone with autism to get a job that they’d otherwise be perfectly qualified for.

By letting everyone have the questions, you’re making it unfair for the person with additional needs. By allowing the questions in advance to just those that need them, you’re giving them a platform to perform at the same level of those without additional needs.

I disagree @PepsiMaxLime . Everyone would benefit from k nowing the questions ahead of time. If everyone knows ahead then there is equality.
The autistic candidate is not disadvantaged at all by everyone having early access to questions.

@43ontherocksporfavor but the other candidates don’t need additional processing time, which is why the autistic candidate would need them. It’s a very common reasonable adjustment within recruitment and I’d think twice about wanting to work for an employer that didn’t understand this.

Everyone would benefit from extra processing time with interview questions.

Thank youPepsiMaxLime
It's about levelling the field. It's not unfair that someone else gets something you don't.

Autistic people don’t lack intelligence. It’s unfair to have lots of time to think and rehearse a great answer when others have 2 seconds. If they were given the question maybe 15 minutes before the interview it would be fairer .

I work with very clever very awkward technical people who would match your description - as a general rule when we speak (awkwardly, with shakey voices and in often jumbled and poorly explained ways while sweating and unable to answer the question in real time) everyone sits up and listens. Even senior people.

I also work with polished sales guys who can talk smoothly and professionally - no one fully believes what they say and mostly people wait politely until they are finished to then talk to one of the technical people above.

many of our clients are technical people too - they prefer to hear from us awkward talkers as we have credibility.

My point is this: don’t care. Say what you can in whatever format you like. If you have something clever to say people will sit up and listen.

Credibility rules. Social polish and real time slick answers were over with the 90s. Embrace it.

Totally @ItsFineImFine . That puts me in mind of Chris Witty as opposed to Boris Johnson.

@43ontherocksporfavor I was thinking the same as I was typing!

Very helpful thread thanks all I am the same

I'm exactly the same. As an interior designer clients often want you to walk into a shithole building site or crappy old restaurant and suddenly burst forth with amazing ideas. I was taking it in but my mind/mouth would be mute.
Client meetings or even getting a taxi/walking down a street would be excruciating for me as they'd be digging for details and enthusing constantly.
Site meetings where I had to lead a meeting with 15+ contractors made me physically ill and terrified.
I just wanted to be at my desk designing and photoshopping doing what I was best at - very good at.
I don't do it anymore - the relief of not having to converse on the spot!
If I'm presenting something 'personal' or my own work it's not too bad - I.e not really a problem when I was at Uni.

It's worth looking at Toastmasters- you'd have the opportunity to practise prepared speeches (i.e. presentations,) but another thing they do is "table topics" which is where you tall for 1-2 minutes on an unprepared topic - which sounds terrifying, but it is a skill you can develop over time.

Some of the other suggestions upthread are good. I recently had a job interview where they were really good about preparing you for the format of the interview and the type of questions and how they liked them to be answered, which I assume they do for everyone, as I'm not autistic AFAIK. (Though it's a techy area which has a lot of people who are, so maybe that's why they do it that way.)