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Original poster

Been offered a new job and I’m crying and panicking, is this a sign I shouldn’t take it?

33 replies

friedandfrazzled · 16/12/2023 16:05

I’ve been moaning for years how much I’m sick of my current job, how I don’t feel valued and put upon, no scope for progression or payrise due to being public sector. Never get recognised despite doing some great pieces of work which have been recognised outside of my organisation and even copied. I have been applying for jobs on and off and then get scared and then cancel or withdraw my application.

I went for a job that’s paying quite a bit more, commute the same, doing what I’m doing now but it’s a step up in responsibility and private sector. interview process was multiple stages and really hard, and to my complete surprise I was offered it which includes a good salary, flexible working so works around my little DCs and ultimately I can actually progress.

I’ve asked to think over the weekend and all of a sudden I’m having a panic about it and was crying all last night about it. My current job is frustrating but it’s meaningful work, I have a lovely and supportive team and have made some great friends, my manager is amazing, flexible working, and I’m comfortable. I have little children and all of a sudden scared I can’t do this, what if it’s too much to take a step up with little children in nursery. My husband said private sector is cut throat, more demanding. What if I make a massive mistake and I can’t do the job and get sacked or am hated and embarrass myself?

im a total mess, surely I should be excited?

OP posts:
Discwriter · 16/12/2023 16:07

It's just fear of the unknown OP. Be brave and go for it. Sounds amazing!

user284246975787632445 · 16/12/2023 16:07

It's normal to be worried about change.

BlowingAway · 16/12/2023 16:08

Take the job.
It's normal to feel scared.
But think how you'll feel in a few months Iif you turn it down!

Interested in this thread?

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Jobs
Bluevelvetsofa · 16/12/2023 16:11

If you’ve been moaning about your current job for years and you actively applied for the one you’ve just got, you can’t moan any more if you don’t take the new one.

Singleandproud · 16/12/2023 16:12

It's just fear of the unknown. Take it, if you hate it stick at it for 2 years for the experience, you can do anything for just 2 years and then move on or back to the Public Sector

DeedlessIndeed · 16/12/2023 16:14

I think your DH is a bit of a tit for describing private sector as "cut throat". It's hardly the wild west of US labour laws.

Yes, people are actually dismissed if they aren't performing, but only after a lot of faff, performance management etc.

The fact that you have excelled in your current role, you sound well thought of in your department etc makes me think that you'll be fine.

I think this is a fantastic opportunity - don't let fear of the unknown put you off.

HotGirlInHell · 16/12/2023 16:15

I did this for years when I had a job I was comfortable in - applied for jobs and withdrew, got cold feet, etc.

Looking back it was daft - I should have left and moved ahead, gained more experiences and added more skills to my CV.

Do it, you're just having a panic. Think about it, a whole new you in 2024. Congratulations!

TomatoSandwiches · 16/12/2023 16:15

It's just because of the change, I hope your oh has been supportive of this except for that comment?
Could he be playing on your worries at all?

fruitbrewhaha · 16/12/2023 16:16

Go for it. You have been unhappy on your current role, you applied for this because you wanted it and have worked hard to get through the process.

Working in the private sector isn’t cut throat. Can be but isn’t always.

OooPourUsACupLove · 16/12/2023 16:18

I'm in a similar position. I'm excited about the new job but also sad to be leaving great colleagues and the opportunities in my current job, even though I am leaving for the opportunities in my new job. I feel a sense of failure that I won't now meet some goals I had set in my current job even though the reason I won't is my own choice.

Emotions don't have to make sense. Intellectually you know you can't do everything and taking this job means leaving the old one, but your emotions are still atatched to the old job anyway.

aLeagueOfTheirOwn · 16/12/2023 16:18

Well done for securing the job OP, grab the opportunity with both hands!

AccidentallyFabulous · 16/12/2023 16:18

I think this is totally normal. For me, it was about 18 months ago. I interviewed, didn't get it, and was quite disappointed. I'd been in a completely different role previously which enabled me to make life work with two medically complex children but life was a bit calmer and I was applying for new things.

Then a few weeks later I got a call saying the appointee wasn't able to go forward and offering me the job.

Pondered for a weekend. Thought through all the practicalities, accepted the job.

Absolutely. Fell. Apart.

Five weeks crying most days, panicking, lost weight. It was bad.

Made myself do it. Within two minutes of walking into the office on day one, it was fine. I absolutely love it now.

Unless there are specific things which are ringing alarm bells for you I would go for it. It is most likely fear of change.

Original poster
friedandfrazzled · 16/12/2023 16:21

TomatoSandwiches · 16/12/2023 16:15

It's just because of the change, I hope your oh has been supportive of this except for that comment?
Could he be playing on your worries at all?

A little bit as he thinks I’m mad to leave a public sector pension and the public sector in general so it’s making me doubt it.

plus alongside worrying I can’t do the step up, and will regret it. Guess I’m thinking negatively but I’m scared

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 16/12/2023 16:23

If you've been moaning for a while, there's your clue. You resent not being valued in your current job and having no opportunity for progression- that feeling isn't going to go away. It will just build up and wear you down. You need to move.
It's scary right now but it will be ok, I think you need to back yourself here and go for it.

MagpiePi · 16/12/2023 16:27

If it was an intensive interview process they will know that you are a good fit for the job and that your previous experience shows you can do it.

Original poster
friedandfrazzled · 16/12/2023 16:28

AccidentallyFabulous · 16/12/2023 16:18

I think this is totally normal. For me, it was about 18 months ago. I interviewed, didn't get it, and was quite disappointed. I'd been in a completely different role previously which enabled me to make life work with two medically complex children but life was a bit calmer and I was applying for new things.

Then a few weeks later I got a call saying the appointee wasn't able to go forward and offering me the job.

Pondered for a weekend. Thought through all the practicalities, accepted the job.

Absolutely. Fell. Apart.

Five weeks crying most days, panicking, lost weight. It was bad.

Made myself do it. Within two minutes of walking into the office on day one, it was fine. I absolutely love it now.

Unless there are specific things which are ringing alarm bells for you I would go for it. It is most likely fear of change.

This was really great to hear, glad it all worked out for you!

OP posts:
EggNoggin · 16/12/2023 16:40

Your husband's being incredibly unhelpful. Please don't listen to him.

Just crack on. If you've been doing a similar job for years, it's not going to be that difficult is it?

Your husband sounds jealous. I wouldn't be surprised if he feels threatened by this, especially if there are some good opportunities for advancement. Watch out in the future for subtle undermining.

MimiSunshine · 16/12/2023 16:47

Always take the next challenge.

i work in a huge corporate. It’s not at all ‘cut throat’, your DH is a muppet who either doesn’t like change and likes to coast along or l doesn’t want you to progress.

take the job, you won’t regret it, but you will regret it in a years time if you’re still in the same job with the same frustrations.
and even if the job turns out not to be the one for you, you’ll have learnt a lot and be so much more resilient.

Choux · 16/12/2023 16:51

Once a company has offered you the role they have as much at stake as you and are committed to helping you be a success in the role. Otherwise they look stupid for giving you the role in the first place.

You can't plod along not being recognized in your current role for the next 20 years just to get your hands on a pension. You will die of boredom (and there's a tiny chance you'll die before you even get the pension as reaching retirement is not guaranteed). Plus what you probably need is more money now to pay the mortgage as well as more challenge in your work.

Ignore your husband, take the job. In a year's time, you will probably be so glad you did.

Fairyliz · 16/12/2023 16:53

My adult DD got a new job in the private sector after working in the public sector for a while.
I didn’t say anything to her but I was a little worried what they would expect from her as it was a 50% pay rise.

Shes found it an absolute breeze, really good employer, lots of perks and she only has to work a few extra hours about three times a year, then can take time off in lieu.
Unlike my public sector job where I worked 10 hours a week unpaid overtime every week.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 16/12/2023 17:04

Discwriter · 16/12/2023 16:07

It's just fear of the unknown OP. Be brave and go for it. Sounds amazing!

This!

Chewbecca · 16/12/2023 17:18

I think it is very likely to be nerves / fear. Which can be overcome.

Please do bear in mind the pension difference though and make sure you look into your new scheme. Always pay the max they will match but I would also say pay, maybe 50% of the pay rise (obvs not knowing the numbers) in too as AVC. And every time you get a pay rise, increase the extra contributions, never allow yourself to get used to them. Your older self will thank you for it!

Good luck!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 16/12/2023 17:32

I remember almost turning down a job because of fear of the unknown because it was a much bigger company.

I'm so pleased I took it and can't believe that I even thought about not taking it.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 16/12/2023 17:35

I don't know what you do, of course, but I've never experienced a cut throat working environment in the corporate world. Unless you're working at a C-Suite level and been tasked with turning a failing business around I fail to understand your dh's comment.

Our brains perceived change as danger, that's all this is. It sounds like an amazing opportunity that you deserve. Grab it with both hands and don't look back.

PanicAtTheLibrary · 16/12/2023 17:55

I say go for it. I have changed jobs when I've been happy several times for the next step up. And I have cried every single night after work for about a week. It's a natural response to change. Then it's settled and I've thrived.

It's a trite saying but 'nothing good happens in comfort zones'. You sound ready for this OP, go and get it!