weird to guests about food

[inappropriateportioncontrol]

For some years now ,and yes why haven't I spoken up before,close relatives ask me to bring my own lunch when I visit."We'll be having soup ,a roll and a yoghurt .Can you bring yourself a sandwich ?"
The other day a third party was also going to be present and arriving at 11.30.I was asked "could you have eaten before then "
Cups of weak tea were provided and 4 plain biscuits (one for each of us )on a plate
I travel just over an hour (2 buses and a train ) to get there so it means I have to eat on the train going and then have nothing from arrival time 11.30 to when I get home at 5 ish .
They're not hard up and not ungenerous .I'll be offered a lift to and from station - though traffic often makes this unreasonable to expect,and was recently given an expensive phone .
Both have debilitating chronic health conditions.Both mobile and have prepared their own lunch .
I'm posting partly to get it off my chest and partly to ask what people think is going on here .
I would take less offence if this behaviour didn't predate illness weakening one of them and close proximity to a M&S opposite a coffee shop that they visit daily .Though should be said that one of them would struggle to visit shop and M&S during the same outing .

How rude, do they invite you to visit?

They gave you an expensive phone?

Are these your parents? Were they always weird about food?

yes ,they do .

It's so weird and I'd feel mega uncomfortable.

I think if you like them otherwise and don't see them that often I would just offer to bring a spread for everyone - just pop to m&S are get something easy like a baguette and a few packs of sandwich fillings from m&S or big pizza or some fresh soups and nice rolls or whatever

Sibling and partner .I think maybe there's always been something odd about hosting but I suppose it's more noticeable now .

If these are people that you are close to and care about, would you not consider offering to put lunch together for all of you when you arrive at theirs as a favour to them, given that they clearly struggle?

Or if you don't fancy that, just stop visiting them at meal times to avoid all this angst

Why did your sibling give you a phone?

Okay... in which case there is probably some sort of weird "point" or principle they are trying to make.
Eg l. You are better off and they "can't afford" to feed you.
OR they are "poorly" and you are "selfish" to expect them to host

Honestly, take the moral high road and offer to bring lunch when you go.
Also remember to bring some nice biscuits for the pissy cups of tea. 😬

Whatever the reason for this oddity, it is them, not you, and I wouldn’t take it personally. It is non- typical behaviour that belies some sort of issue with hosting , food, social confidence or whatever.

They want to see you, they want to be nice to you (phone)… they are just… odd.

Take a packed lunch.

@GreatGateauxsby yes I have offered that in the past .I say "why don't I pick something up on my way over and we can share "
Once when I insisted on this ,there was upset over "the waste" ..maybe it is all about avoiding "waste"
When I made the same offer recently I was told they didn't know what they'd feel like eating on the day ,I said no problem you can text me on the day ,I can whatsapp you pics of what Marks has in .

This

If usually do visit after lunch and put up with having to eat on public transport and with getting home later in the day than I'd like and having to return during the rush hour.
The timing of this last visit was to coincide with their wishes and to assist in a task .
I sort of just accept it ,we're all different but I suppose I feel it more this time because it wasn't a very pleasant visit all round .
I was given a phone because mine was old and seconhand and they had recently upgraded .And it was a kind gesture .

Jeez okay... That's most unusual...

Given the update it seems it's a them thing not a you thing...

In which case I'd say just please yourself...
Pick up something yummy to eat and bring over a sharable consumable that lasts (biscuits packet of Percy pigs etc) so they can't complain about waste.
If they complain take what is left with you when you leave

That'd be a no from me.

The great thing about being an adult is you can say no to others and decide not to feel bad about it.
Be good to yourself.

I bet they've got money in the bank - I've known people who were tight like that (it IS tight and mean) but they'd always had lots of savings (and bragged about it).

@BrimfulOfMash and @GreatGateauxsby you're both right and yes Ill take something that won't spoil and leave it there .I'm going to just accept it as an oddity and not let it dominate my thoughts .

Why don't you take something with you for everyone without asking beforehand what they want etc. Asking what they want makes it awkward for all as makes them feel they should be providing lunch when they can't or don't want to. If you turn up with something to share I'm sure it'll soon show them a different way of doing things and stop you going hungry.

If it's normal for you to take a sandwich, I don't see why you can't eat it around lunchtime despite the fact there's a visitor. I'd say to them, sorry but there's no way I can go without lunch and get my sandwich out. Are the hosts not eating themselves at all during the day?

As its a sibling could you not just ask why she/he never supplies food to visitors??

This. The not providing lunch is weird but it’s just as weird not to question it.

Do they stop and have lunch themselves and just not include you or do they not eat at all when you are there? But yea it's all weird, there are obviously issues, try not to take it too personally, hard though

This! If they're making soup and bread for themselves, why can't they include you? What would they say if you suggested that?
This is very strange behaviour of theirs. Do they ask other people to visit and bring their own food too?

The fuck do I go and sit in someone's house with no decent grub offered. Rather stay home thanks.

I agree it's weird and also that I,m weird too for letting it continue 😋Its hard to explain ,first I didn't like to say anything because i was taking my elderly mum over there and I was anxious for a smooth visit .So we always went after lunch .Then illness and other mitigating factors that might allow one to overlook odd behaviour intervened .
I think I need to be more assertive and take food ,say something .though if i say something it will be met with wails of "you think I'm rude "and explanations about why food isn't offered will all invoke much talk of why food isn't provided due to illness .And I don't want to go down the road of questioning how debilitating the illness is as it will seem as though i'm doubting the severity and not being supportive .
From which there would be no way back .

Do they ask other people to visit and bring their own food too?I don't know,certainly the other visitor there on my last visit had nothing offered and brought nothing .I assume they had been asked to have lunch before they arrived as I was .