Do I have adult ADHD? Casual musing

[Lentilweaver]

I am in my 50s, so I grew up when nobody knew what it was. But a couple of friends who do have ADHD have told me they think I have it! I am really wary of the way every behaviour is pathologised these days, so I am not inclined to believe them. But just listing why they think I have it:

I am a very, very high energy person. I have actually become more energetic in my 50s, as I think often that life is too short, so I want to do everything now while I am healthy. I don't do wild parties, but I am always going to exhibitions, gigs, theatre, anything that is happening. This is in contrast to some ( most) others this age.
I talk a lot, very fast, and possibly too much.
I walk a lot and will always walk everywhere if I can rather than drive or take the Tube ( in London zone 3 so this is easy)
Impatient
I am very peoply and love meeting new people of all ages. I am the organiser in my friends circle.
I get bored very easily and am constantly seeking a dopamine rush: in relatively harmless ways like reading everything I can get my hands on, or taking a lot of weekend trips, or constantly joining new Meetup groups, or getting addicted to Twitter ( I have reduced that now)
I used to be very messy when younger, but I have learned to be tidier now. Will never be neat though.
I can't just watch TV; I have to be doing something else at the same time, like sorting laundry or answering emails. I am always multitasking.

I am visiting family overseas now, so taking a break from work and my usual routine. I feel almost bereft when I do nothing.

Thoughts?

Thank you for replying to be and being so helpful.

Yes, I can see why you have made that decision.

I get you about work. I WFH (years before COVID) freelance and my earnings are a fraction of what they could be because of procrastination. I live quite a constrained life because I simply cannot get going. There's a lot more, but that's for another thread!

@beginningtowonder something I have become quite good at is learning when I’m not going to be productive and do something else, eg if I have an essay due and I just can’t start I’ll go for a swim and then spend half an hour up and down the pool organising my thoughts (quite naturally, it’s not a forced thing).I’ve then been able to channel that into productive work later on. For me the procrastination equates to ‘not being ready’ or ‘not done thinking’. Admin is a little harder and that just has to be done though.

For me the procrastination equates to ‘not being ready’ or ‘not done thinking’.

This rings a bell for me! That's what I do!

Thanks so much, you've been very helpful to me and it's much appreciated.

Fwiw I do think that you can be very organized and punctual with ADHD. ADHD runs in my family and after experiencing my DM just live in chaos and several key moments (DM missing the school play, getting us to the school trip bus too late type stuff) I've gone the other way and am obsessively organized, always ridiculously early 'just to make sure' and constantly worried that if I let it go just an inch it'll go to pot and I'll be an utter mess.

Omg yes!! I have huge travel anxiety and am very prone to getting the bus/train earlier than the one I need just to be sure I don’t miss the connection or end up late. And then I can enter ‘waiting mode’ once I arrive 🤣🤣

My adult DD is currently exploring an ADHD diagnosis. Her possible symptoms are nothing like you:

Anxiety
Depression
Procrastination
always late for things
often forgets appointments
Struggles to process information
Cannot cope with silence
randomly says things as if the world is part of her inner monologue
no sense of direction
travel and travelling are v hard
hates spontaniety and always needs a plan
overwhelemd by paperwork, processes and information
meltsdown when she is overwhelmed
catatonic when things go wrong

I would say in my completely non medical opinion you simply have lots of energy and enthusiasm

It doesn't sound like adhd but a lot of people present differently. I have a diagnosis of combined adhd. My main issue is getting started with something. My brain will literally be screaming at me to move but I cant physically make myself get up and do. I don't have loads of energy (although sometimes I do) and get burnt out and overwhelmed very quickly if I have too much going on.

A lot of my hyperactivity is in my head. I have constant overlapping thoughts and find it very difficult to focus on any one thing. I can hyperfocus but it can often be on the wrong thing (eg I was trying to work one day but one of the kids had a 1000 piece jigsaw out, I completed the jigsaw despite having loads of work to do). I seem to spend my life panicking about the stuff I need to do while leaving everything to the last second. I'm fidgety and impatient and overly emotional but I'm in no way outgoing and will often be the quietest person in the room as I'm overwhelmed by everyone speaking.

Meds have helped me so much. They quiet my brain right down and help me focus on the things I need to focus on.

You can't self diagnose. You can suspect you have it , I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist.

Interesting. My children are now adults, and one was diagnosed with what was then "high functioning Aspergers" when he was 7, and another (a girl) was diagnosed with ADHD at secondary school, who were great with her. She's the one who told me she had inherited it from me - though as I've never gone down the diagnosis route, I couldn't say whether that's true or not.

I've never had a proper job because I couldn't cope with anything that wasn't entirely deadline-driven. I did start out with a proper career, having done brilliantly in academic terms (because I was particularly interested in the subject) but failed my probation period because there were so many things I hadn't got round to doing (training courses, failing to open letters/emails regarding important things that went wrong as a result, attending meetings etc). I think I was regarded as a mixture of disorganised (true) and arrogant (not true) - arrogant for appearing to think that special rules applied to me, whereas in fact I was paralysed by the sight of 400 pieces of post in my pigeon hole so thought it was eventually easier just to throw it all away unopened...

Same! I have a fear of being late and would rather not turn up than turn up to something late.

@DieuEtMonTwat

I have a rule with my post. If it looks important, I open it, otherwise my PA just shreds it. It's definitely reduced my stress levels 😂 I'd definitely seek a formal assessment, it sounds like you would really benefit from it 😊

OP nothing that you have written sounds like ADHD. It actually sounds as though you don’t really have much awareness of what ADHD is. I hope the responses from people who have been diagnosed and know what they’re talking about have been helpful for you.

😂
My rule with my post (now all home post, as nobody will employ me) is that if it looks important, it is probably something I would rather not know about as it will require attention, so I defer opening it and it joins the complete and utter chaos on the kitchen worktop until I am surprised by a fine from HMRC or a fine for failing to attend a speed awareness course I didn't know about. Annoyingly, some threatening looking post is actually nice - I opened a horrible looking envelope the other day which turned out to contain a cheque, only I can't do anything with it because it was dated three years ago and the accompanying letter said my deadline for taking action was also three years ago.

This thread is actually really interesting as I've never thought too much about it all - I've just always been this way and can't see any way not to be.

I have the travel anxiety thing mentioned by PP too - I leave ridiculous amounts of extra time so I can go home if need be, to retrieve forgotten passports, train tickets etc. It's the one time I'm two hours early 😂

I don’t have a home for everything and have doom piles everywhere, I am rubbish at laundry and washing up and tidying, but I also like a clear inbox. Different people present differently but it’s not as clear cut as people with autism & adhd are one way and people with adhd only are another, there will be lots of crossover but where the crossovers exist will vary between people. You and your daughter may be opposites but that doesn’t mean every person with autism & adhd is opposite to every person with adhd.

@MolkosTeenageAngst

So you live in the chaos that I described ADHD as being, but you nit picked the one thing that doesn't align with, eg emails? You don't like the list, yet align with most of it? Why not just say that?

Because you said, ‘If your inbox is clear, you're not drowning in paperwork being shoved under your computer desk, you don't have out of date food in your fridge and you've never forgotten to do your laundry, you do not have ADHD.’ but I do have a clear inbox and I also have adhd. You said if you have a clear inbox you don’t have adhd, but clearly that’s not true. None of the things you listed are part of the criteria for adhd, especially considering lots of people with ADHD will have strategies in place to try and mitigate their disorganisation/ inattentiveness etc. You can look organised on the outside but still have ADHD, it may be that you are able to maintain order but due to your executor dysfunction you have to work 10x harder than someone neurotypical and are a lot more exhausted from doing it but that you can still do it. You have a list of things as if they must be true if you have adhd as if everybody with adhd will struggle with all of those things and as if anybody who doesn’t struggle with those things couldn’t possibly have adhd, which is completely false. I don’t like the list because it’s not diagnostic criteria and it’s not reasonable to say that if you don’t struggle with those exact things it’s not ADHD, when clearly it can be.

If you have good focus, are emotionally well regulated and have been able to learn (with effort) to stop some unhelpful behaviours, such as interrupting, I'd say either you don't have ADHD. Or if you have some ADHD brain wiring then it's very under control.