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Original poster

Do I have adult ADHD? Casual musing

92 replies

Lentilweaver · 16/12/2023 03:40

I am in my 50s, so I grew up when nobody knew what it was. But a couple of friends who do have ADHD have told me they think I have it! I am really wary of the way every behaviour is pathologised these days, so I am not inclined to believe them. But just listing why they think I have it:

I am a very, very high energy person. I have actually become more energetic in my 50s, as I think often that life is too short, so I want to do everything now while I am healthy. I don't do wild parties, but I am always going to exhibitions, gigs, theatre, anything that is happening. This is in contrast to some ( most) others this age.
I talk a lot, very fast, and possibly too much.
I walk a lot and will always walk everywhere if I can rather than drive or take the Tube ( in London zone 3 so this is easy)
Impatient
I am very peoply and love meeting new people of all ages. I am the organiser in my friends circle.
I get bored very easily and am constantly seeking a dopamine rush: in relatively harmless ways like reading everything I can get my hands on, or taking a lot of weekend trips, or constantly joining new Meetup groups, or getting addicted to Twitter ( I have reduced that now)
I used to be very messy when younger, but I have learned to be tidier now. Will never be neat though.
I can't just watch TV; I have to be doing something else at the same time, like sorting laundry or answering emails. I am always multitasking.

I am visiting family overseas now, so taking a break from work and my usual routine. I feel almost bereft when I do nothing.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
MercanDede · 17/12/2023 22:51

HundredMilesAnHour · 17/12/2023 22:38

I'll let Stanford know 😂

I have a confirmed diagnosis of combined ADHD and I'm fabulous at multi-tasking. I've actually made a career out of it. My multi-tasking ability blows my ND friends out of the water.

(There's lots of evidence online that multi-tasking can actually be a strength of those with ADHD).

Edited
Show quote history

I’m sure Stanford knows that in 12yrs no one has been able to replicate their results, which is necessary for any finding to be accepted seriously.

I think if someone analysed your strategy to complete multiple tasks, they’d find you weren’t actually multi-tasking but doing organised task switching.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 17/12/2023 23:06

My Dd has ADHD. Shes very low on energy and exhausted all the time. Avoids deadlines, can’t break things down, gets overwhelmed really easily and has low mood and anxiety as well as sensory issues.

You just don’t sound ADHD.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 17/12/2023 23:11

Peekingovertheparapet · 17/12/2023 22:15

I suspect I may have some degree of neurodivergence, potentially ADHD, but I don’t recognise what you describe.

I am able to function relatively well in quite a senior corporate role, and am good at compensating for some of my executive dysfunction issues, but I do feel that I haven’t reached my full potential almost entirely as a result of some personality quirks that are hard baked in.

  • my mind is an incredibly busy place, the commentary literally does not stop and at times I find it overwhelming. I used to think everyone experienced this
  • I ruminate a lot on social situations and struggle with moderately severe social anxiety, especially following a natural high eg a really great social experience. And that could be something like a fairly innocuous drinks evening
  • I do get hyperfocus, it can be useful but it can also be an incredibly annoying displacement action, eg I may be working to a right deadline but right now absolutely have to become expert in some random unrelated topic
  • I procrastinate terribly, although I have learned that this is part of a process and can mostly accept and manage this. I can use procrastination to manage productive hyperfocus sometimes
  • But I will, eg, most mornings wake up and then lie in bed messing around on my phone until such point I am then playing catch up
  • I enter what I call ‘waiting mode’ which is where I know that I will have a meeting/call in say 15 minutes so I will quietly wait it out and do nothing of value.
  • if I don’t enter waiting mode then I will end up doing something else and then be really late
  • I have a constant need to fidget with my hands in order to achieve cognitive excellence
  • i have an incredible memory for detail (which is unusual in an adhd-er)
  • i don’t much like other people, and spend time with them on my terms (but get very pissed off if not invited to things)
  • I have had two fairly significant work related burnouts in my twenties. I am mostly managing these days but I get quite sensory avoidant when overloaded
  • I do pretty much everything my own way, regardless of whether that is what most other people would do. I’m logical but the logic I follow is not shared by most others
  • I am incredibly determined and actually pretty resilient up until the point I break

i have a colleague who has an ADHD diagnosis and we are incredibly similar. I also have a child with ASD and am considering pursuing my own diagnosis.

You sound like my AUDHD dd

Racing thoughts……

KievLoverTwo · 17/12/2023 23:14

The only one of those I recognise from my partner is doing something while watching telly. He has to be on his phone all the time, otherwise he says he cannot relax.

There are probably some conditions that manifest as hyperactivity. Some people just have a very low boredom threshold.

RMNofTikTok · 18/12/2023 05:20

@Doggonames

Well of course our symptoms are different, because I have ADHD and you have AuDHD. Completely different presentations!

RMNofTikTok · 18/12/2023 05:21

@MolkosTeenageAngst

So AuDHD rather than stand alone ADHD, which explains the different features.

RMNofTikTok · 18/12/2023 05:24

@DieuEtMonTwat

It gets you reasonable adjustments at work that can be VERY handy.

It also makes it far easier to have your children screened for it, getting them reasonable adjustments for their education (if you have any)

Shoppingfiend · 18/12/2023 06:34

I think with adhd you go through life explaining why you are why you are eg - anxiety -'I've always been a worrier', difficulties socialising - 'I'm not a chatty person', Losing things -'I've always had a bad memory' - not realising that the rest of the world do not have all of these problems or not to the extent you do.

I am a very, very high energy person. I have actually become more energetic in my 50s, as I think often that life is too short, so I want to do everything now while I am healthy.
In my view most people's traits become more pronounced with age so you justifiying that you are doing it 'while you are healthy' might actually be that your ADHD is making you more hyperactive as you age but you explain it away.
Going to lots of exhibitions etc. How much do you remember of these? Are they really an interest?

As long as you are happy with life it doesn't matter what you have. Carry on as normal.

ADhd affected my sleep seriously and my social ability and had a big effect on my life so i looked into it.

Peekingovertheparapet · 18/12/2023 06:35

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow thanks for commenting.

The thing that I forgot to add is that I am an absolute nightmare for interrupting other people. I don’t mean to be rude but often my mind races ahead in a conversation and then I just blurt out what I believe to be a really good point as soon as it comes into my head.

willsandnoodle · 18/12/2023 07:03

I have adhd and I'm not part of loads of groups, don't socialise loads and I don't plan group activities. I do the absolute bare minimum and don't put myself in social situations any more as I can't handle all the different noises and conversations.

Multi tasking is one skill I don't have, I do multiple things at once but I wouldn't call it multi tasking. For example, start washing up, notice fairy lights in kitchen need sorting so must stop washing up to do that, then put kettle on, decide cupboard needs a wipe so empty cupboard, notice something else needs doing and move on to that, at some point end up back in the kitchen and realise I haven't washed up or made a cuppa!

I'm in constant conflict with myself, and the million thoughts in my head. I'm torn between doing stuff and doing nothing all the time, nothing often winning. I feel useless a lot of the time, and imposter in my own life, a failure.

What you're explaining sounds wonderful, you sound like an energetic woman with her life on track. Don't try to label it when it's something positive.

Adhd is debilitating, too many people use it in the same way they say they have ocd when they like to clean

Shiningout · 18/12/2023 07:06

Having adhd isn't having lots of being energy and being up early and multitasking

Original poster
Lentilweaver · 18/12/2023 07:19

Peekingovertheparapet · 17/12/2023 22:15

I suspect I may have some degree of neurodivergence, potentially ADHD, but I don’t recognise what you describe.

I am able to function relatively well in quite a senior corporate role, and am good at compensating for some of my executive dysfunction issues, but I do feel that I haven’t reached my full potential almost entirely as a result of some personality quirks that are hard baked in.

  • my mind is an incredibly busy place, the commentary literally does not stop and at times I find it overwhelming. I used to think everyone experienced this
  • I ruminate a lot on social situations and struggle with moderately severe social anxiety, especially following a natural high eg a really great social experience. And that could be something like a fairly innocuous drinks evening
  • I do get hyperfocus, it can be useful but it can also be an incredibly annoying displacement action, eg I may be working to a right deadline but right now absolutely have to become expert in some random unrelated topic
  • I procrastinate terribly, although I have learned that this is part of a process and can mostly accept and manage this. I can use procrastination to manage productive hyperfocus sometimes
  • But I will, eg, most mornings wake up and then lie in bed messing around on my phone until such point I am then playing catch up
  • I enter what I call ‘waiting mode’ which is where I know that I will have a meeting/call in say 15 minutes so I will quietly wait it out and do nothing of value.
  • if I don’t enter waiting mode then I will end up doing something else and then be really late
  • I have a constant need to fidget with my hands in order to achieve cognitive excellence
  • i have an incredible memory for detail (which is unusual in an adhd-er)
  • i don’t much like other people, and spend time with them on my terms (but get very pissed off if not invited to things)
  • I have had two fairly significant work related burnouts in my twenties. I am mostly managing these days but I get quite sensory avoidant when overloaded
  • I do pretty much everything my own way, regardless of whether that is what most other people would do. I’m logical but the logic I follow is not shared by most others
  • I am incredibly determined and actually pretty resilient up until the point I break

i have a colleague who has an ADHD diagnosis and we are incredibly similar. I also have a child with ASD and am considering pursuing my own diagnosis.

I recognise some of this. I have endless mind chatter and my brain is a very busy place. I am very fidgety, to the point that DH tells me to stop when I am sitting next to him on the sofa. My fingers keep moving constantly. Unfortunately, I am not good at crochet or crafts. I find it very, very hard to be still, and meditation is an absolute no-go. I have this constant sense of rushing time, time running out, and so on. It reduced when the DC were small, but now it's come back as they are grown.

Having said all that, I see no need to get a diagnosis, as I don't think I am too disadvantaged by any of this. I have started swimming twice a week, and take hot baths daily. This helps calm me down and stop me talking endlessly!

OP posts:
DuvetCovers · 18/12/2023 07:24

OP, you don’t sound like you have ADHD at all. I can only imagine your friends have misunderstood the hyperactivity element and think it means high energy.

Having some unread emails and a tendency to interrupt sound very normal. Finding your mind wanders in meditation is sort of the point of it.

Original poster
Lentilweaver · 18/12/2023 07:28

I think I have a low boredom threshold. . Maybe I am just lucky I am at a time and place in my life that I can afford to do something about it.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 18/12/2023 07:35

RMNofTikTok · 18/12/2023 05:21

@MolkosTeenageAngst

So AuDHD rather than stand alone ADHD, which explains the different features.

I don’t have AuDHD, I don’t believe that is an official diagnosis but just a term some neurodiverse people have coined and chosen to use. I have a diagnosis of ADHD. I also have a separate diagnosis of autism. I received each diagnosis separately from different professionals. I have never received a diagnosis of ‘AuDHD’ (apart from just now from you), neurodiversity is also a spectrum so two people with ADHD can have different features regardless of whether one also has Autism. If you look at the diagnostic criteria for ADHD nowhere does it mention having to have a messy inbox or piles of laundry, these are just examples of how the disorder manifests in you but it doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone with ADHD and it certainly doesn’t mean if I didn’t have autism my ADHD would therefore present identically to yours.

BlackJumpsuit · 18/12/2023 07:38

I have inattentive ADHD but my understanding is that the hyperactive type usually calms down in adulthood (physically at least).

You don't sound neurodiverse to me (not an expert!). There was recently a thread that was about feeling like everyone else got the memo about how to do life - it's a lifelong feeling! That resonated strongly with me.

People with ADHD are also often obsessive and have a tendency for addiction - the perpetual need for the dopamine hit.
Also Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria -I suffer from this quite badly.

I think you might be one of those lucky people that has loads of energy and well balanced emotions and good executive function.

Here's an example of executive dysfunction ...I painted my bedroom and finally got round to putting all the paint pots and pile of related clutter in the shed last week. I painted my bedroom in August 😂😂
Did I look at it every single day and think oh I must do that? Absolutely. Could I do it? Nope!

BlackJumpsuit · 18/12/2023 07:41

Oh and like a pp, I struggle now in my 50s to socialise and focus at work all day, when I get home I'm done, there is only work and home, I have no capacity for extra "peopling" activities. My brain echoes before sleep with fragments of conversation and voices that I have to tell to shut up so I can sleep!

RMNofTikTok · 18/12/2023 07:41

@MolkosTeenageAngst I understand your point of view. However, people diagnosed with both autism and adhd do present very differently to people diagnosed with adhd on its own. The messiness and chaos I described wasn't a specific list, it was a set of examples of how people with adhd have executive dysfunction. Whilst this problem with executive functioning may demonstrate differently in different people, it is likely to lead to disorganisation. Whereas my daughter with both autism and adhd is inattentive but also likes her room in order and cannot bear anything being out of place, which is the complete opposite to me not having a home for anything and existing with doom piles everywhere.

Girlsjustwannahavefundamentalrights · 18/12/2023 07:57

Lentilweaver · 18/12/2023 07:19

I recognise some of this. I have endless mind chatter and my brain is a very busy place. I am very fidgety, to the point that DH tells me to stop when I am sitting next to him on the sofa. My fingers keep moving constantly. Unfortunately, I am not good at crochet or crafts. I find it very, very hard to be still, and meditation is an absolute no-go. I have this constant sense of rushing time, time running out, and so on. It reduced when the DC were small, but now it's come back as they are grown.

Having said all that, I see no need to get a diagnosis, as I don't think I am too disadvantaged by any of this. I have started swimming twice a week, and take hot baths daily. This helps calm me down and stop me talking endlessly!

Show quote history

You may have it. This post makes me think maybe you do. I was diagnosed a year ago and I'm still continually finding things that i think "yes that's adhd" that i didn't before. Adhd doesn't cause everyone masses of negative impacts on their life, if their life is set up in such a way that is an asset rather than a liability. If you're very outgoing, and you use your energy in a constructive way ie all the exercise you do, you've got a physical outlet. You may have some traits of adhd - with more of a focus on the physical hyperactivity than the mental, and with less of the whole "i hate myself" thing that most of us late diagnosed female adhders have going on.

beginningtowonder · 18/12/2023 08:03

Sorry to hijack your thread OP, but some of the pps seem pretty knowledgeable about all this and I wanted to take the opportunity to ask them:

Do you think it's worth a woman in her 50s getting diagnosed if she won't be taking medication (I have a heart condition and take two medications for it). Part of me thinks a diagnosis would explain a lot and stop me being so hard on myself. If I am found not to be, then I will need to use that knowledge to sort myself out. I can start a thread of my own to explain why I think I may have it.

Cranb3rryF122 · 18/12/2023 08:09

I have late diagnosed adhd and my children have it too. From what you wrote in your OP no I don’t think you do.

Peekingovertheparapet · 18/12/2023 08:10

BlackJumpsuit · 18/12/2023 07:38

I have inattentive ADHD but my understanding is that the hyperactive type usually calms down in adulthood (physically at least).

You don't sound neurodiverse to me (not an expert!). There was recently a thread that was about feeling like everyone else got the memo about how to do life - it's a lifelong feeling! That resonated strongly with me.

People with ADHD are also often obsessive and have a tendency for addiction - the perpetual need for the dopamine hit.
Also Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria -I suffer from this quite badly.

I think you might be one of those lucky people that has loads of energy and well balanced emotions and good executive function.

Here's an example of executive dysfunction ...I painted my bedroom and finally got round to putting all the paint pots and pile of related clutter in the shed last week. I painted my bedroom in August 😂😂
Did I look at it every single day and think oh I must do that? Absolutely. Could I do it? Nope!

Oh wow - I see so much of myself in this post. I have a big problem with rejection sensitivity; I had a row with a really good friend recently (over an important topic that I was obsessing over). I stood my ground in agreeing to disagree but spent the next few days utterly obsessed that she now hated me.

I’m getting the house ready for Christmas visitors, and I’ve got a big box of crap that has been accumulating on our sideboard for months. It’s mostly the kids and not mine, but I’m having to tackle several
doom piles now. Not helped by MIL being a ridiculous neat freak (her house feels clinical and unwelcoming to me), and my DH also being very tidy. In fact if it weren’t for him this place would be a disaster, he sort of makes me manage it to a degree.

Peekingovertheparapet · 18/12/2023 08:14

@beginningtowonder - I think this is a really personal decision. From my PoV I’m happy not knowing, but allowing myself to view myself through a neurodivergent lens is really helpful in both not being too hard on myself and also actually using some of the traits to my advantage (I’m studying for an MBA and my student experience is so different knowing that eg procrastination is part of the process and not to be too hard on myself).

the reason I would consider diagnosis is purely to do with the workplace. I see so many Gen Z colleagues coming through with their various diagnoses now and the adjustments made for them that I think that sooner or later I’m going to say something and wind up in hot water (especially in the GC domain) so protection would be helpful

fishonabicycle · 18/12/2023 08:15

ADHD is a very 'sexy' subject at the moment. What people are forgetting is that normal behaviour encompasses a range - not a narrow band, and if you are 50, functioning and well - no - you don't have a condition. You are just full of energy! Enjoy it - you are lucky.

WeAreBorg · 18/12/2023 08:18

You sound absolutely wonderful @Lentilweaver

I don’t think you have ADHD btw