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Original poster

Men and presents (lingerie) - oh God

52 replies

mling · 15/12/2023 17:35

Appeal to all men: DO NOT BUY LINGERIE unless u know exactly what your OH wants/likes!

This must have been done to death at this time of the year but I don't know how to get over it.

My birthday cum Christmas present combined, a present from a new man. I have already opened it, pretended how happy I was but I hate EVERYTHING about it.

To top it all, can't change it and the cost is £££, I would never want it even if it was £. I expect sales assistant talked him into buying the slowest selling product in the shop. It's not bloody gold plated or even silk and it certainly does t look the price AT ALL.

OMG, when I looked up how much it was, i cried (in private), so upset about the waste. How do i tactfully handle it?

OP posts:
Rickenbackergoodgrief · 15/12/2023 17:47

Just be honest and tell him that you neither want or like it and to return it.
At least if you're up front and honest, he won't buy lingerie again in future.

user1471538283 · 15/12/2023 17:48

I love lingerie and like most women I'm very particular.

A Christmas gift would have been a lovely set. He had said to the sales assistant "if it will fit me it'll fit her". He's 6ft 2 and 20 stone! She just looked at him so he left the shop.

I don't know what you can say really. I don't think you can return lingerie?

Needmorelego · 15/12/2023 17:50

If it's not returnable to the shop sell it on Facebook/eBay/Vinted and tell him why.
At least he tried.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2023 17:52

You’re perpetuating the problem by lying. His feelings don’t matter more than yours. Tell him you appreciate the thought but it’s not to your taste. If he thinks you like it he’ll expect you to wear it! Be honest.

Original poster
mling · 15/12/2023 17:54

@AnneLovesGilbert yes, you are right, I have created a problem for myself and now can't get out of it which upsets me even more as it was such a kind gesture 😢

OP posts:
Reggiebo · 15/12/2023 17:54

He's going to want to see you in these items. Tell him it just my not my style. See if you can return.

OkayScooby · 15/12/2023 17:58

I'd ditch him for getting you a joint birthday and Christmas present.

Original poster
mling · 15/12/2023 18:03

@OkayScooby well said, to be honest I feel I don't want to wear it so it might be the way to avoid it - but shoot myself in the foot in the process 🤔

OP posts:
HomburgandTrilby · 15/12/2023 18:03

mling · 15/12/2023 17:54

@AnneLovesGilbert yes, you are right, I have created a problem for myself and now can't get out of it which upsets me even more as it was such a kind gesture 😢

You can certainly get yourself out of it — be honest. And I’m not convinced it was such a ‘kind gesture’. Buying a birthday-cum-Christmas present of underwear for a new girlfriend sounds lazy and unimaginative to me. It’s a generic present that hardly anyone likes unless they’ve been consulted. This is surely the stage of a relationship when someone is registering the tastes and likes of their new girlfriend?

ChoupetteTheCat · 15/12/2023 18:06

That needs to go in a 90° boil wash. That will sort it 😆

2jacqi · 15/12/2023 18:09

@mling anne summers type??? itchy as hell! stuff never fits where it should! 😄

Original poster
mling · 15/12/2023 18:10

@HomburgandTrilby thank you for letting me see through the misty eyes

@ChoupetteTheCat appreciate your take on it too

OP posts:
RedheadRedBed · 15/12/2023 18:11

Can you show us a photo ?

Redcrayons · 15/12/2023 18:13

draw a line in the sand now, about the joint present and lingerie, or you’ll be getting this stuff forever.

My ex H for years bought me lingerie and then would sulk when I didn’t wear it.

Koalatreats · 15/12/2023 18:15

Op tell him. If he is a keeper he’ll do better going forward. If he’s not he can sling his hook with his nylon undies.

Then explore why you were not going to tell him. Surely telling him how you feel is important when you are deciding if this chap is worth spending time with?

Always tell a new bloke ‘no’ to something. Their reaction to you saying ‘no’ is a good indication of who they are. ‘Sorry Bob these undies were a nice gesture but they are not my style. Please can you return them. I prefer x, y and z’.

All2Well · 15/12/2023 18:16

My parents are in their mid/late 70s and haven't shared a bed in about 20 years.

My Dad recently brought my Mum back a "gift" from Hong Kong - a completely see through bright red baby doll nighty (the boob part is totally mesh) and a matching bright red ruffly frilly monstrosity of a floor length robe with a train...

It's the tackiest most vile thing I've ever seen.

Not to mention the fact she can't actually walk anymore...none of us can figure out why the heck he bought it.

He said "I thought it was an unusual and nice thing to have".

Then offered it to me.

I thought I was going to vomit. It's like something from the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

My mum and I said we'll have to bin it as we're too ashamed to give it away in case people think we're "kinky".

His response?

"Do you want me to ask at the mosque if any one is getting married soon and would like it for the honeymoon?"

How the heck he thinks he (or we) could ever face the Imam again we do not know.

And no, he's not got dementia before the suggestions start. He just genuinely has never got the lingerie thing...and clearly never will.

FlyingCherub · 15/12/2023 18:17

I think you need to be honest. If you can have an intimate relationship with someone, you can tell them you don't like something they've bought you!
You now face the horror of him buying you more lingerie if he thinks this was a success....

DH bought me some truly awful stuff from Ann Summers once, and got a rude awakening when he couldn't return it. I just looked at him and said "the night we met, did you seriously think that I was the sort of woman who had really cheap and nasty red velvet lingerie on underneath my clothes and was that why you approached me?" I was very very offended that he thought I'd wear something so ghastly.

Laiste · 15/12/2023 18:19

Be brave and be honest.

If you don't do it now/this year it'll become a pattern you're stuck with.

I used to work in a lingerie boutique and the amount of men who'd come in with NO idea what to buy and even less idea of the size ... it would ramp up through Dec.

Most would look at me and say ''about your size''. In those days i was a size 10 with 28DD boobs! An unusual size in bras.

It would reach a peak on xmas eve afternoon with half pissed blokes coming in saying basically ''just sell me anything for god's sake. And PLEASE gift wrap it'' 🙄We'd gift wrap it all beautifully and tell them firmly to keep the receipt.

And then guess what? About a week after xmas 70% of it all would trickle back. The unhappy recipients eyerolling and asking if they could exchange it all for some decent comfy bras ....

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 18:22

I’d be happy with nice lingerie :) just tell him it’s not your style so can you exchange it for something you prefer.

Dogsitterwoes · 15/12/2023 18:22

I've only been given lingerie once. He didn't make the same mistake again.

I was pretty angry as it's a gift for himself not you. It's about him wanting to see you wearing it, so a treat for him.

AgentProvocateur · 15/12/2023 18:24

@All2Well I think we need a photo of this monstrosity.

RedheadRedBed · 15/12/2023 18:26

Just wear it as a one off and then suggest it would be sexy to choose some lingerie together

Laiste · 15/12/2023 18:27

it's a gift for himself not you. It's about him wanting to see you wearing it, so a treat for him.

Yeah this is true. I'd try to direct these blokes towards some of our more popular easy to use stuff like the cotton robes or t shirt nighties but they always wanted the red itchy stuff.

LlynTegid · 15/12/2023 18:28

I don't think you made your appeal loud enough, OP. A megaphone touring on a van would be appropriate!!

Original poster
mling · 15/12/2023 18:31

Not monstrosity exactly but v v plain/basic looking, certainly not worth the money and not my style at all.

I mean if I knew what he had in mind, I would have said let's go shopping together which would have been a lot more enjoyable. There are far nicer things around, just not at that particular shop and not even at that price.

OP posts: