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Original poster

Getting married: surnames

61 replies

Howmanynames1 · 15/12/2023 06:14

I'm getting married next year. I have always said I'll keep my surname but use my husband's name socially. I'm now starting to think I might just add his on the end of mine. But I have two middle names too. So in total I'll have 5 names. I know this isn't unusual as such but to me it is a lot.

Another factor is my son. He is [my surname] [dad's surname]. So we'll still have that link just a different end name.

I don't want to give up my name because I like it and it links me to my family and son. But my fiancé will then be linked to me. I don't know if I'm sounding a bit immature about it all though/overthinking.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 15/12/2023 11:00

@DreamItDoIt , couldn't agree more. Why would you deal with the faff of having two names?

ExpensiveDecorations · 15/12/2023 11:03

I agree too. What a faff. Just do nothing, like the vast majority of men.

HoppingPavlova · 15/12/2023 11:15

I like the idea of anagrams, so take a few letters from the four names and then invent a new one

Exactly what we did for our kids surname. DH has his, I have mine and we just made a new one for the kids using the letters from both. No idea why people think they must be linked by names? Do they really think they’ll forget the kids are theirs, or that they won’t love them as much, or the kids will go looking for ‘real parents’ with the same surname as theirs? Insane. We honestly had zero confusion. We knew the kids were ours. The kids knew we were mum and dad. The school/medical system/government/our friends knew who ‘belonged’ to who. Why people don’t believe this could be the case baffles me. The whole flying thing is a furfy, take certified copies of birth certs for safety but the only not time we ever encountered a question was when the kids themselves were asked who we were, they looked genuinely confused at the question and answered ‘mum and dad’ and that was it.

It’s always been really important to the kids that they have the same surname though, and they often tell us how much they love their surname (as obviously we have them a super cool one). I’m pretty sure they’d be keen to do the same tho g if they have kids. Will be a real shame if this is stifled by someone who thinks they can’t be linked to their kids unless they have the same name, but it won’t be my circus at that point.

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 11:34

I have friends who chose new names for the new family. Very sweet-but there is one I am itching to share but it's genuinely too outing. - particularly when coupled with the genuinely unique names their children have. <sits on hands>

mymidlifeeyes · 15/12/2023 11:37

If ever I had advice it's DO NOT CHANGE YOUR NAME. I do wish I'd put my surname as a middle name for my child though (they have DH last name). Infuriates me thinking about it, women literally do ALL the work growing the baby. Patriarchal nonsense.

Yesididntdothat · 15/12/2023 11:39

I wouldn't double barrel unless your dp is willing to do it too.

DryIce · 15/12/2023 11:51

I hate how automatic changing your name is - for women that is. I'd leave it tbh! I didn't change mine, children are hyphenated, it's fine.

DryIce · 15/12/2023 11:53

HachiAndNana · 15/12/2023 07:20

One of the random and minor things I ponder about sometimes is the challenge with double barrel names in 15/20 years when all these kids who got double-barrelled surnames are getting married, so Tristan XY marries Gwendoline AB, do they become Mr and Mrs XYAB? And thank goodness for the move to digital forms that will hopefully have less character restrictions.

I'm probably overly touchy on this point, as so many people have thrown it at me as a gotcha since I hyphenated my children, but surely they have the same 3 options as everyone else in the world?? Pick one partners name, make some kind of mash up, create new name entirely...

CurlewKate · 15/12/2023 12:06

@DryIce "I'm probably overly touchy on this point, as so many people have thrown it at me as a gotcha since I hyphenated my children, but surely they have the same 3 options as everyone else in the world?? Pick one partners name, make some kind of mash up, create new "

Yep, I agree. But the hard of thinking just keep going......!

BrimfulOfMash · 15/12/2023 12:32

HachiAndNana · 15/12/2023 07:20

One of the random and minor things I ponder about sometimes is the challenge with double barrel names in 15/20 years when all these kids who got double-barrelled surnames are getting married, so Tristan XY marries Gwendoline AB, do they become Mr and Mrs XYAB? And thank goodness for the move to digital forms that will hopefully have less character restrictions.

Ah, @HachiAndNana , I am so glad you have pointed out that digitalisation allows more character spaces. This has taken a weight off my mind worrying about my future great grandchildren and their 8 surnames.

Or maybe my DC’s pondering might come up with some other independent decision of their own? Rather than just following whatever their parents did?

Let’s hope so!

HachiAndNana · 15/12/2023 12:37

Actually I'm imagining all the future MN posts about a bride or groom wanting to shorten their joint double barrelled names but which ever parent 'loses' their name in the process having a huge flounce, refusing to come to the wedding and turning it all into a huge family drama. 🤷‍♀️

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