Do you ever look back and regret how you treated someone?

[Veggietartlet]

I was thinking the other day - I can name three situations where I didn't treat people as well as I'd have liked to. All over 20 years ago. Probably countless more times that I'm not aware of, but three specific occasions that I'd dearly love to go back change if I could.

Some of it comes from being older I suppose, and understanding now how my behaviour would have impacted on someone. They feel like opportunities where I could have made a positive difference in someone's life but in fact I probably did the opposite.

One example was a member of my team in a job years ago, who was in a role that she wasn't suited to and she underperformed. I tried to be supportive but she nevertheless really struggled and it affected her confidence, She was very shy. I wish now I'd done more to help to develop her skills and make her feel supported.

Nothing I can do now I suppose other than try to be decent to people generally and to be fair most of them were down to my lack of experience as a manager. But still. It's a regret. Does anyone else have these sorts of regrets?

The consequences are often promotion!

no, maturity doesn't get handed over to you at 18, but when young people are given too much responsibility - which happened to me too - it doesn't have to go in such a way that others are damaged.

I think the people who lash out, bully etc actually DO get their way - are seen as tough, and get promoted etc.

I take delight in the fact that one of them did actually get sacked in disgrace and marched out with a box of her stuff - I had left by then so didn't see it but got several gleeful calls. It is so rare that a nasty person actually gets the right treatment.

I had a really close friend at university. When I met Dh I definitely dumped her a bit, then we moved out of London and whilst I was newly married, doing up a house and pregnant with ds1, she had some quite bad health issues and lost her mum to cancer.
I think I was too wrapped up in my own life to be as supportive as I could/should have been. We lost touch about 15 years ago and I regret it enormously. I've tried to travel her down but she doesn't do SM. I just hope she's ok.

Yes - a girl I was friends with in the sixth form. We had interests in common so hung out together a lot. But I and some other friends started to find her really, really boring. She was nice but would only talk about a couple of things - any attempt to change the subject was strenuously resisted.

I didn’t realise my irritation was showing - and I thought she was too thick-skinned to be aware - until one day she confronted me about it, and we stopped being friends.

In retrospect, with much more awareness, I suspect she was autistic. Either way, I should
have been a lot nicer. I always thought if I met her again, I’d apologise. I did get back in contact with her sister and asked how she was doing - it turned out she died in her 30s. ☹️

I like this way of looking at it. It feels healthy. I can't go back and change the things that I did, but I have at least evolved from that person. And now I try to do the best by people (with healthy boundaries nevertheless).

Yes. One person in a situation similar to your OP. But many other examples, and the more I think about it, the more I remember… Nothing really nasty, but I could have behaved better.
But I think I am a better person now, so hopefully it’s starting to even out.

Yes. Lots of things and lots of times to be honest.

One ex in particular. It's not even about him as he wasn't that nice a person, I'm sure he cheated on me for example. But I still regret my own behaviour.

I regret something I did with one of my DC. I've apologised and we have moved past it.
I have massive regrets, however, about how I allowed someone to treat me and will never do it again.