I have solved the small orange problem

[noblegiraffe]

I just saw a Waitrose billboard that said "You know it's Christmas when you peel your first clementine" which made me think "I know it's Christmas when I consider Pigs in Blankets to be a viable crisp flavour" but it got me mulling over the issue of small oranges, and I think I have finally solved it.

The correct order for small oranges is:

1. Mandarin - the <chef's kiss> of small oranges.

2. Satsuma - a solid entry in the small orange category, easy to peel. Sometimes you get the odd duff tasteless one but usually delicious.

3. Tangerines - could be ranked higher but rarely on the shelves so I kind of forget they exist.

and WAY down the bottom, basically in the bin

4. Clementines - the absolute worst. What is up with that horrible flavour? You'd get a better orange experience from drinking some juice straight after brushing your teeth. They try to disguise them by rebranding them 'easy peelers'. Look at the small print and it's a covert clementine.

I think this is one thing we can all agree on this Christmas.

@SteamingTangerine oh, is this the cake where she boils them and blitzes them? I made that a couple of years ago and it looked like the most deliciously moist cake ever. Unfortunately, I popped it in a tin and forgot all about it, and found it a couple of weeks later...

We had a box of "luxury" small orange fruits from Waitrose on Tuesday, they seriously lacked flavour but had a small leaf left on for aesthetic purposes. Won't be buying again

Satsumas say Christmas to me, as do tangerines and mandarins, which are so often absent from the shelves.

Clementines are as dull as ditchwater, as are the anonymous 'easy peelers'.

Jamie is the head of a pomegranate cartel. He's forever whacking those nasty seeds over everything at Christmas and enthusing about them.

We were made to eat them using a darning needle when I was a child. Presumably because it kept us occupied for hours.

Clementine cake works because you boil the buggers to death.
I had a sad small orange yesterday. It upset my mouth.

I do absolutely love clementine juice though…
(runs for cover)

You are wrong - satsumas are the best. They practically peel themselves.

I have some big oranges in the fridge that I haven’t got round to faffing around with. This has inspired me to give them a go… a bit later.

I’m an absolute heathen, they’re all the same
to me! I just call them all ‘little oranges’ 😂

Is it wrong to say I've honestly never noticed much difference, I just pick up whichever small oranges I see/are on offer. As with any fruit, sometimes they're great, sometimes you get a duff one or two. All seem perfectly fine to me for the mostpart.

Nowt so disappointing as a Disappointing Orange.

aka Schrodinger's Orange. You don't know until you open it.

Every time I see the bugger whacking an upside down pomegranate half, I think "Aye, it's well seen you don't have to clean that sticky shit off the worktops, doors, floors and probably fecking ceilings!"

Also used to be given a pin and a pomegranate back in the day - as you say, probably to shut me up for a couple of hours. Often used to pierce my lip if I got carried away trying to get the seeds to my gob too quickly.

You have to do like us South Africans and just call the whole lot naartjies. Pronounced naar-chie (like Archie with a N).

Then any naartjie topic of conversation would be 'do these have pips' or 'are they nice and sweet'

We are into basics. So really it's oranges or naartjies. A variety of either isn't discussed too much.

But no, they don't go in the fridge...

The term “easy peelers” makes me shudder, but I like the ones with leaves, because they look really festive, and the only ones I can get from Ocado are called that. What are you gunna do?

That’s why I’ve avoided but this one was worth it. Had to peel it and wash my hands first.

I like pomegranates, but whacking them shows no food preparation skills WHATSOEVER!

(Look on YouTube for the proper way to do it if you’ve not seen it done.)

Never trusted Jamie since the year he got me to put star anise in the Christmas gravy. Big Mistake.

Nope! I like tangerines, clementines and mandarins, and dislike satsumas, which have too weak a flavour for my liking.

I am ashamed to say, I don’t know the difference between the oranges.

There are big oranges and small oranges, that’s as far as my vocabulary and knowledge of oranges go.

What's wrong with a clementine???

I have a daily orange (and Pink Lady) when I sit down around 11pm to watch a bit of telly (currently Virgin River).
I am an orange expert now and have to self select them (rather than click and collect or home delivery). Waitrose or M&S usually have the best ones, so it's a real treat to be able to get there.
"Large oranges" can be lovely if they are not dried out.
Jaffa ones are usually OK.
I have a Tupperware citrus fruit peeler and then take a knife to the pith. It takes about 3 minutes.

[checks thread title to see how much I've strayed from the topic in hand]

If you taste them you will be able to tell they are different. Then you can learn the names of them.

😅

I was hoping that you were referring to Donald Trump. He hasn’t been jailed or assassinated yet then?

WTF!