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Original poster

I can’t socialise in loud, crowded environment - is it just me?

40 replies

Notcontent · 13/12/2023 22:02

I went to my work Christmas drinks tonight. It wasn’t a sit down dinner - just standing around in a room with drinks, finger food and very loud music. I really struggle in that sort of environment. I don’t think there is anything wrong with my hearing! But I struggle to hear people’s conversations. To be honest I find the pressure of moving between different groups to chat quite hard anyway but having loud music makes it even harder. I left after 2 hours but felt like maybe there is something wrong with me….

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 13/12/2023 22:05

Absolutely nothing wrong with you - lots of people love that environment and lots of people dislike it (inc. me!) and some people actively hate it. Don't worry about it, we're all normal.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 13/12/2023 22:05

I think you did well to last 2 hours. I’d have pleaded a headache & left after 20 minutes, I can never hear what people are saying at events like that either.

tescocreditcard · 13/12/2023 22:05

I think 2 hours mingling at the xmas do is fine.

It's a struggle I agree. I don't know who thought that type of entertaining up - I don't know anyone who actually enjoys it lol

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StillWantingADog · 13/12/2023 22:05

Nah I hate it.
I am turning into a right anti social boring person.

I can do dinner with friends but anything that involves crowds and “mingling”- no thanks. I actively avoid as much as I can. And I’m only 45.

betterangels · 13/12/2023 22:06

It's the noise that I don't want to deal with. Especially after covid lockdown. It definitely made it worse. I still go sometimes, but I do find it harder now.

2Old2Tango · 13/12/2023 22:09

I can't either. I met some friends for drinks in a pub a couple of weeks ago and it was busy but not overcrowded. However the noise level, where groups of people were talking so loud to be heard over each other, was awful. I could barely hear the conversation in our group. It ruined the evening for me.

ValerieDoonican · 13/12/2023 22:10

Yup, and being a shortie makes it worse as everyone's conversations are literally taking place over my head.

Over the past 10 years or so I have also noticed if I spend too long in this kind of environment I get tinnitus so I just explain I have hearing problems and leave pretty fast.

I can't even cope in sit-down restaurants most of the time, as now carpets and tablecloths have been replaced in large part by hard floors and polished tables, with loud music thrown in, its just as bad. I mean I get the cleaning/hygeine reasons, but the music is not helping, and a bit of acoustic ceiling wouldn't go amiss either.

Usernamqwerty · 13/12/2023 22:11

I hate it as well (I'm neurodiverse).

dudsville · 13/12/2023 22:12

I hate that kind of socialising so, so much and i avoid it for the most part.

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 22:13

I loathe that sort of noise level (I loathe loud music anywhere) and wouldn't have gone if I'd known what to expect - or left pronto if they hadn't told me. You're entirely normal, OP, and more sensible than those exposing their hearing to that sort of racket.

ETA I always wonder what sort of adults want to do this anyway, it's like they're still teenagers. And slightly OT, restaurants that play loud music don't get my custom, whether I'm there with friends or alone.

Icantremembermyusername · 13/12/2023 22:13

I can’t stand LOUD. I have excellent coping skills but I struggle to hear and interact when there is too much back ground noise.
I am in charge of the remote control at home (for volume moderation) and DP is happy to move to a quieter area if we are out.
Well done OP! 2 hours is 90 minutes longer than I would have lasted!

Tomychild · 13/12/2023 22:15

thank you for posting this! For years I thought I was boring or there was something wrong with me. I’ve always struggled in loud places, especially when everyone is being louder and funnier than the next person. I get very very boring and tired!
happy with cocktail parties, if the noise is calm, and dimmer parties. Nice to finally know I’m not odd😁

GarlicMaybeNot · 13/12/2023 22:15

I used to love it but my hearing started to get fuzzy after about 40. Now I have tinnitus and am going noticeably deaf in one ear, it's a non-starter. Pity.

Precipice · 13/12/2023 22:16

Insane to have music in such a set-up. If there's a reasonable number of people, you're likely to have to strain to hear and talk loudly to enable conversation even without extra background noise interfering.

upinaballoon · 13/12/2023 22:26

I could go dancing and go to pubs but always found it difficult to concentrate on a conversation because of the noise all around me. Restaurants with tiled/hard floors are the same - rackety. I am not deaf, but trying to catch the words is always such a struggle. You are not alone.

alloalloallo · 13/12/2023 22:27

No, I hate that kind of night out.

I want to be able to sit down. hear myself think and have a chat with the people I’m with. Shouted conversations are too much like hard work and knackering.

I don’t mind loud music, but it has its place. I just get bored and feel like I’m standing around like a lemon.

I went to a 50th birthday party a few weeks ago in a local restaurant- perfect set up, normal restaurant but with a dance floor off to one side with a dividing glass wall. Loud music on the dance floor, but quieter in the restaurant. Best of both worlds.

It’s my work Christmas do on Friday. It’s dinner with a band. It’s all crammed into a far too small space so nowhere to get away from the loudness, and I’ve seen the band before and they’re terrible and the thought of it is making me cringe myself inside out. I’m going to have to get pissed

ActDottie · 13/12/2023 22:34

Yep I hate this. My old work used to have Christmas parties like this and when I changed jobs I was very relieved to hear they did a sit down meal instead.

Gherkingreen · 13/12/2023 22:36

I'm the same. I love meeting with friends, quiet dinner, walking & talking etc but can't abide crowded, loud places. I find it exhausting.
I went to a large indoor shopping mall recently and the noise level/environment in the food hall made me feel dizzy and overwhelmed, I had to leave.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 13/12/2023 22:39

I hate it too OP.

I live in quite a party town and I never understood those groups of people that always went to clubs every single weekend without fail as their main form of socialising because I can't imagine much socialising could happen in such loud environments.

It just makes no sense to me.

BlockadeRunner · 13/12/2023 22:40

I used to be in the thick of it when young one and was one of the main protagonists and was unofficial social secretary for the entire dept. Since I hit late forties I just can’t be coping with noise like I used to. It’s like my ears are more sensitive.

Original poster
Notcontent · 13/12/2023 22:44

Thanks all - I feel less like a weird hermit now!!!!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 13/12/2023 22:45

And slightly OT, restaurants that play loud music don't get my custom, whether I'm there with friends or alone
Thank you for saying this. I thought I was in the minority for hating this.
Shouted conversations where it's difficult to hear don't flow nicely. I want to be able to connect and talk with people, not shout multiple times so everyone has heard.

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 22:51

@LolaSmiles and thank you, too - I also thought I was in the minority!

I've been to a couple of places with friends in years past where we've asked them to turn the music down because we couldn't hear ourselves speak, and ended up walking out because they wouldn't, or turned it down so slightly that it made no difference. Why do these businesses think people want to be deafened while trying to eat and converse?

Grimmz · 13/12/2023 22:55

You're not alone!

I don't know if it's just me getting old or being used to a quieter life post-lockdown, but I really don't cope well in noisy bars anymore and can't hear a bloody word.

ALongHardWinter · 13/12/2023 23:04

This affects me too. I find that in noisy environments,such as social gatherings,or on a packed bus or noisy tube train,I find it really difficult to hear people talking to me. I don't think I have any hearing issues,I can hear perfectly well in quieter environments. I just found it hard to tune out from the background noise,and end up feeling stressed and worn out from the effort of trying to hear what people are saying to me.