Should I report this person?

[Didydani]

.. and, if so, to who?

I'll try and keep this brief if I can. I started a new waitressing job in Oct and shortly quit after 3 weeks, for a few reasons.

1. - I didn't get paid properly. The boss/owner agreed he would sort this out with me but never did. I only got paid £25 after each 9hr shift and I worked everyday during the 3 weeks, as he asked.

1. - I got outright harassed by another member of staff. This (alongside the issue with pay) was the main reason I quit tbh. This person was texting and calling outside of work hours. I had 9 missed calls from him and never answered, so he left me voicemails instead, crying telling me to call him back etc.

I also had 9 really inappropriate texts from him stating I was "gorgeous" calling me "darling" etc. All very very over the top and again extremely inappropriate. I've attached two screenshots of the texts I received, for context and so no one can accuse me of exaggerating or of lying.

While I was on shift he was constantly in my face and personal space. I'd move away from him (further down the bar) and he'd follow. He'd order lunch at the same time as me and sit at the same table, so I couldn't get away from him even during my lunch break. He'd follow me outside and stand right to me during a my smoking breaks and find constant excuses to talk to me like complaining about his relationship with his carer, what happened yesterday, could I pour him a pint (he shouldn't be drinking whilst on shift anyway) but the boss, again didn't give a sh!t.

He wanted "to walk me" to my bus stop every night and often would just follow me, after I'd said I didn't need him to or want him to. He'd stand there, hovering around me until my bus turned up. He even went in to kiss me one night as I was about to get on the bus and I turned away him, as I'm not attracted to him in the slightest.

I'd pretty much ignore him during this behavior, and only talk to him when needed for e.g. we needed to communicate about what needed doing, tables wiping down, stock checks, bookings, closing the bar and locking up etc.

The other staff warned me this he does this to all the new girls! It's absolutely vile and the boss excused it by saying "oh, he's a womaniser, he's in love with you, he fancies you" etc etc. Personally I couldn't give hoots how he feels about me or not. No one should be subjected to this kind of behaviour and it's hugely concerning to me that he has form for it and still hasn't been displined or sacked for it!

It wasn't just me he targeted either. He bought me and another girl (colleague, who's engaged btw) a bunch of flowers and I deliberately didn't take them home, despite his pestering and reminding me I'd forgotten about them.

I know I said I'd try and keep it brief, but I needed to put this into context and get it out my head. I've only spoken to a few people about it real life, including my stepmum, who rightly warned me to stay well away from him, as he clearly became very attached and even obsessed with me.

I felt like I'm just ranting now and I suppose I am, but I'm just so angry about what I experienced. It seems to me like he preys on women, going by what the other staff and boss said about him.

Has anyone has had similar experiences in the workplace? And how did you handle it? Did you report it and was anything done about it?

Oh god those messages are so creepy. Have they stopped now? If not I’d consider contacting the police regarding harassment.

Is the employer part of a chain, if so could you contact their HR department?

since leaving has he been in contact?

@Eekmystro i know tell me about it! I responded once, eventually after I'd had enough with "Stop calling me and texting me outside of work. We are not in a relationship. You're creepy as fuck."

Yes, thankfully he has stopped now and no, the business isn't part a of a large company or chain unfortunately. If it was that would probably make it easier to file a complaint to the relevant department, head office or whoever, but I think the business is family run or a private business, can't remember now!

@escapethemaze no he hasn't, probably because I blocked his number and I only unblocked it today to get screenshots of the messages. I'm blocking it again, right now just in case he does start all this crap up again.

Here's even more proof he targets other women too. I have no idea who she is, or if she's ever worked with him or met him before either. I have no idea why the message ended up in my Instagram mail box, as I don't follow that lady, but it did..

very odd.

Block him.
Block the inst seller

and put out of your mind

You know you gave his number out on the Internet right? Best get this deleted or you could get in trouble.

has she?!

Yes his number is attached to his messages.

OP I’m not sure you meant this but I think you can see his name and where he works on those images.

You’ve given us your name, His name, where he works and his phone number

i think you need to take another look

Second screen shot.

To the three previous posters, hi looking back at the screenshots I realised I haven't edited them properly so thankyou for pointing this out! I've reported my thread asking MN to remove them.

Here they are again, with all of the details blocked out now.

You could report the harrassment to the person in charge of The Loft but I bet they won't do anything.

You could report The Loft to the authorities for failing to pay minimum wage but I bet they won't do anything.

It's so wrong and crazy that this creepy stalker Paul is an Assistant Manager and gets away with being so leerily disgusting and inappropriate to staff, but some random on the internet tells you that you're the one who could get in trouble.

Fucking male entitlement in this misogynistic world 😡 Paul deserves to have his phone blow up with women telling him what a pathetic loser he is.

Hi @LauderSyme thanks for replying.

Thing is, I did less the boss know about the texts and calls off him, even showed him to prove it, but basically I got told he won't be sacked! The boss and the other staff just seem to want to excuse it and ignore it, calling him a "womaniser" a retard etc.

This was and still is my worry, that it won't be taken seriously by them or the authorities. So in other words, if he isn't pulled up on his behaviour he just gets to carry on like this. The staff seemed to entertain it and a few customers, regulars teased me about about it, saying within earshot "maybe she enjoys it" meaning the attention I got from him. I didn't. I avoided him as much as I could whilst there. It was honestly embarrassing, not only for me but for him as well. He needs get a grip and sort himself out.

When you said he had a carer is he mentally challenged in some way?

Like having the brain age of a child?

I met a young man like that at an event and he latched on to me and wishing five minutes said he loved me blah blah blah.

I'm blunt and was about to give him a mouthful when he was steered away from me and I was told he 'born funny' as is that somehow excused his behaviour.

This was many years ago and language like that is no longer used.

Oh what a dangerous sad fuck Paul is 😩
I posted on another thread, the one about things that were completely normal in the workplace until recently. I said hospitality seems to be the one industry where very little has changed , where women are still constantly verbally abused and sexually harassed. This is exactly what I meant, and sadly your experience is far from unique.

@ChateauDuMont I've no idea, possibly?? Even so, people with learning difficulties or autism still need to taught what's appropriate and what's not.

Maybe he's never had a woman or man, for that matter stand up to him and tell him he's in the wrong. I don't think a disability excuses his behaviour anyway. He seemed intelligent and like he knew he was making me feel extremely uncomfortable but continued anyway.

@Neelsplace I agree. Nothings changed at all and it's completely wrong that people are still treated this way in this industry. I have one years experience of hospitality from years ago so I'm experienced enough to know what I'm doing in the job, but it makes me reluctant to return to this line of work. I've started looking at and applying for jobs in retail and other sectors instead.

You do realise in this screenshot it is whoever sent you it that sent those messages? Those are not incoming messages they are sent ones

@Mrsttcno1 the messages are pretty much the same ones that got sent me me by him, but these messages were intended for a lady's name beginning with M. Obviously I've edited out her real name for her privacy, like I've now done with the previous screenshots. I still don't understand why they ended up in my inbox though when they were intended for her. He addresses her by her full name in the first text, so it's not a mistake.

Unless that is a screenshot from his phone, sent to you, those are not messages from him. The messages would only look like that in your inbox if you had sent them.

Agreed

I think you should strongly consider speaking to the police. Following you to the bus and sending loads of messages at all times of day and pestering you at work is likely to be harassment. It can escalate and become very serious. Even if the police don't take it further now, they can then have a record if/when it happens to someone else. This stuff should not be tolerated.

You have my sympathies!