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Original poster

Do you have a ‘one that got away’?

34 replies

charwizard · 11/12/2023 16:35

As in someone you might have had a life with if things had been different a la Sliding Doors?

In summer 2008 I had an intense two month fling with a man before I moved overseas. By the time I came back, he was abroad, then by the time he came back I was seeing someone, then after that he was until I met DH in winter 2009.

I have never perfectly clicked sexually, sense of humour, intellectually with anyone as perfectly as I did with this man. The last 15 years have been quite different for us - DH is a homebody so we’ve not travelled much and we’ve had 3 DC. He has continued to travel all over the place, has also got married but never had DC. We’ve been in sporadic text contact the whole time, haven’t seen each other in person though but that spark has always been there and the conversation is so easy and fun.

I think about him a lot! I am very happy with my life but it’s always there. Does anyone else have this?

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 11/12/2023 16:37

Yes but now I'm singe and he's married. If I'd got with him though I wouldn't have my DC so can't really regret it

Reepycheepy · 11/12/2023 16:40

Yes I do! Although no longer in touch.

I met someone when travelling on my own in early 20s. He was American so we said goodbye after the summer.

I went home, often thought about him but got on with life.

A year later he emailed me saying he’d never stopped thinking about me in the last year, and he knew it so sounded crazy but did I think we could see if we could make it work.

I’s just met the person who would be my now ex DH and felt I’d spent too long being a bit of a dreamer/romantic and needed to be realistic, so wrote back saying I also still had feelings but thought we should just let it go. We didn’t stay in touch as that would have been too difficult.

Ive often thought about him over the years - and actually slightly bonkersly googled him and think I found him last year! Didn’t get in touch though.

InAMess2023 · 11/12/2023 16:45

Absolutely... together aged 18-21 (38 now) and basically drifted apart/wanted different things in life. I ended it but then regretted it and about 3 months later asked to get back together - he was already dating the woman who is now his wife. Last I heard they were having problems due to him wanting kids and her not (I actually don't now myself but possibly would have with him).

He doesn't have any social media at all so no idea what he's up to these days or even if he's still married. The only thing I know is where he works. Wish there was something I could do about it since I've never had a decent relationship since but think I'll have to accept that ship has sailed!

GigiAnnna · 11/12/2023 17:39

I had an intense fling with a guy from another country and he was perfect in every way apart from the fact he was going back to his own country. We fancied each other like mad and just hit it off.
Bizarrely, I visited another country a few years later ( not his) and bumped into him again. I couldn't believe it. But by then I was with someone else and expecting so we just waved at each in shock.
Then recently I googled him. He had a really bland name ( think Chris Smith, along those lines) and I never knew the part of the country he was from, just the country, but I found him. He's happily married, as am I now but I wonder why the universe kept dangling him in front of me.

Iateallllllthepies · 11/12/2023 18:26

Sort of. I really liked him.

Feeling wasn’t mutual though. But I still think about him 25 years on.

Notthatcatagain · 11/12/2023 19:03

Yes, met him through work and together for a couple of years, he wanted something casual but I wanted more. I moved away and he followed me and we started seeing each other again. I told him that I wanted to settle into a proper relationship but he wouldn't commit. Met my husband, got married and had 2 children. He never married or had a long term partner, we stayed friends and had sporadic contact over the years. Then he just disappeared. Eventually I Googled and found a notice of his funeral, still a bit sad that he had a bit of a lonely life and died pretty young

Bluevelvetsofa · 11/12/2023 22:08

Yes, he was at art college, I was at uni. He went to America. What if……….

FrogsWormsandCaterpillars · 11/12/2023 22:31

Yes, we met 12 years ago and just never got past the shagging stage.
However he recently came into my work (Unexpectedly as he didn’t know where I worked) and we’ve spoken every day since then.
I’m single but he isn’t.

WinterBerry7 · 11/12/2023 22:42

Yes. We were childhood sweethearts, but never seemed to be able to properly ‘get together’. He was always reluctant to commit but we kept coming back together between uni, travels, jobs etc. By around 24 we were the closest we’d ever been to being together but he still wouldn’t quite commit, and while I was waiting for him to move home I ended up getting together with another friend who turned out to be an absolute arsehole, and that was the end of it. I often wonder if I hadn’t had a fling with arsehole friend would we have ended up together, and I think maybe we would have, but then whose to say that’s the case. We are still good friends now (he is still in my circle of friends), I don’t harbour romantic feelings for him anymore - in fact I get on very well with his wonderful wife and we all socialise together often!

cardibach · 11/12/2023 22:50

I did have.
Then he came out.

HeisenbergsPorkPieHat · 11/12/2023 23:02

Not really sliding doors but yeah.
first time I saw him at 19 he caught my attention but he didn’t see me. I felt an instant connection to him I’ve never felt with anyone else. Next time I saw him he came to my till, we chatted and arranged to meet the next day. We saw each other a few times but he was inconsistent. We just stopped meeting up.
at 31 he reappeared and I felt that familiar tug but same thing happened.
as much as I feel he is the one that got away know that he isn’t the one and we would never work

CornishGem1975 · 11/12/2023 23:06

Yes, but of a cliche but my childhood sweetheart was always the one that got away. Didn't know for the longest time that he also felt that way. We both got married, had kids etc but In our 40s now and we're together again.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 11/12/2023 23:12

Not for me no, dh has been my only and I’m happy with that.

We actually talked about this last night as I reminded him when I first started working at his place of work years ago, a woman there tried to fix me up with dh’s housemate 😅He’s a nice enough guy but glad I said no thanks. Took me a year to actually say yes to dh though!

Another guy worked in sales there. He asked me out at the time before dh did. I said no. He was a nice guy but would be considered to be one of the “jocks” of the office. Very loud and popular there. Sadly he died recently in a car accident leaving behind a widow and child.

HundredMilesAnHour · 11/12/2023 23:29

I actually have two. Clearly I didn't learn the lesson well enough the first time. 😂

The first one I met in Paris when I was a student there and he (a Norwegian) was visiting the boyfriend of a friend. It was attraction at first sight (I went to my French boyfriend the next day and dumped him and went straight to the 'new' guy and we got together immediately). We were on and off for well over a decade (we both lived/worked in a variety of different countries) but we never quite got our act together despite various overseas 'encounters'. We were just too young, too proud to admit our feelings, too ambitious in our careers. I'm still good friends with one of his best friends and last time I was in Norway I went to a dinner party with all of his closest school friends (but he was away as he lives in Switzerland now). They all know me because I'm also his one who got away. He talked about me for years apparently. He's married with kids now (and a millionaire).

The second one I met at work in London. OMG it was incredible! I've never had such an amazing and intense relationship with anyone. But he was separated and going through a nasty divorce (with two teenage kids) and it was just too soon for him. We tried to take it slowly but the attraction was so intense that we were just incapable. We slowly imploded because he couldn't handle it and I couldn't handle him not handling it. He broke my heart into a thousand pieces and I have stayed single since then. No man can compete. He married again and had more children.

Goldiex · 11/12/2023 23:29

Yes. Honestly thought about him every day for 16 years and he came back for me when I bumped into a friend of his. It didnt work out both times but I still absolutely love him and will never feel the same for anyone else.

Elle200 · 11/12/2023 23:31

I'd fancied him for absolutely ages, and we eventually got together for two wonderful nights, but I was moving away to a different part of the country and never got to see him again. I still daydream about him, old fool that I am.

shoutandpout · 11/12/2023 23:32

Their called exes for a reason

Bernardmanning · 11/12/2023 23:34

I have a one that somehow managed to fortunately get away (despite my best and very persistent efforts to the contrary) when I was a teenager. Poor lad. I look back now and cringe. No doubt if I hadn't been fortunate enough to marry a wonderful man, I'd still have him trapped in the pub games room.

Femme2804 · 11/12/2023 23:37

Oh yes. My last boyfriend before i married DH. We were couple from i was 21-23 years old. We both the same age and used to be school friends.

he was the best sex i ever had. The sex was amazing. He is good looking, but very controlling and possessive man also he is very lazy, he doesn’t seems like ti have a bright future for himself. We were in toxic relationship but it was really passionate relationship. I ended our relationship because i choose my DH. I dont see any future with him.

now i’m in my 10 years marriage with my DH. DH is very successful and very mature and love me very much. He have 2 boys together. I’m happy with my marriage but i sometimes still think about him. He doesn’t have social media but his sister does. Last night i checked again and he is still single, still good looking, but he is unemployed, 35 years old but still living with his parents. I dodge the bullets isnt. But still i dont know why i still thinking about him..

RTHJ14 · 11/12/2023 23:43

I used to think so…

He’d just come out of a long relationship, we’d met whilst he was still in it and definitely felt the chemistry.. as soon as they split up we got together. Hugely intense very quickly but fizzled out when he thought he wanted to play the field.

He regretted it afterwards apparently but it was too late for me. He’s never married (though has a long term partner) and no kids. I thought for a long time he was the one that got away but actually I’ve come to realise we wouldn’t have had the calm, loving and respectful relationship I have with DH so maybe he wasn’t such a big loss! Took me a while to realise that though!

Ardith · 12/12/2023 09:07

I have two…

Guy One was supposed to be a ‘summer fling’ when I was 18, but we fell in love and tried to make it work for a while. He was gorgeous (so out of my league!), a few years older than me, and just the nicest person, loving to animals, always kind and polite, worked for a charity, studying at a top uni in his spare time etc. I broke up with him because we lived very far apart and I foolishly thought another great guy would appear closer to home. Annoyingly he moved to my city the next year for career reasons, but by then we were seeing other people.

Guy Two was my ‘bad boy’ boyfriend, rarely sober, chain smoker, occasionally unfaithful, always up for a laugh, the sex was spectacular. I felt ‘cool’ whenever we were together. He dumped me because he didn’t want commitment etc and then proceeded to date about 50 other women over the next term.

I look them both up sometimes. Guy One became an academic doing something very noble, but earns little. Guy Two married a celebrity and now has mental health / addiction issues.

I married a workaholic, am financially comfortable, have two lovely children and a nice suburban house, and I spend every night alone. 🤷‍♀️

JustCheckingUp · 12/12/2023 09:10

Yes we met at 19 and we were obsessed, but too young to realise you don’t find that connection everyday.
long story cut short, we’re getting married in February ❤️

Bireadwhatiread · 12/12/2023 10:09

Probably a couple tbh. But I realised they didn't share my feelings and let it go. I do think though there can be more than one person you love in your life

sweetpickle23 · 12/12/2023 10:31

Kind of. We had a fling, and it was fun and passionate and exciting, then he moved abroad.

It's very easy for me to look back with rose tinted specs and say we should have ended up together- I suspect that's because we both knew it wouldn't actually work out as a relationship long term. If we'd wanted to be together that much we would have been.

QAnoun · 12/12/2023 10:56

Sort of. We met when he was newly married with a baby so we were never romantically involved but instead became close friends and have been for over a decade. I know it would have turned into more if we had both been single. I married and had children of my own, but if I’m honest he would have been my first choice (and probably still would be if he became single in future).

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