Do you have a ‘one that got away’?

[charwizard]

As in someone you might have had a life with if things had been different a la Sliding Doors?

In summer 2008 I had an intense two month fling with a man before I moved overseas. By the time I came back, he was abroad, then by the time he came back I was seeing someone, then after that he was until I met DH in winter 2009.

I have never perfectly clicked sexually, sense of humour, intellectually with anyone as perfectly as I did with this man. The last 15 years have been quite different for us - DH is a homebody so we’ve not travelled much and we’ve had 3 DC. He has continued to travel all over the place, has also got married but never had DC. We’ve been in sporadic text contact the whole time, haven’t seen each other in person though but that spark has always been there and the conversation is so easy and fun.

I think about him a lot! I am very happy with my life but it’s always there. Does anyone else have this?

Yes... Met him when I was married. Nothing happened... A few years after my husband died he reappeared. Used to come and visit me. He eventually asked me out. The afternoon of the date day his Mum was taken ill. He had to go to her and I never saw him again. Did chat online a few years later. He was married with a little girl.

I had a boyfriend in my late teens and we were madly in love. He broke up with me and never explained why. Personally I think his parents talked him out of it because they thought he was too young to be serious. A mutual friend thought he might have cheated. But honestly I don’t really know.

Ten years later he got back in touch and gave me the whole “still thinking about you, still love you, never met anyone else as amazing as you, you feel like home and I miss you, can we try again?”

I said no, despite the fact that I was still madly in love with him. He had already dumped me once and it absolutely broke me to the point of considering suicide because I couldn’t live without him. I knew that if I let him back in and he dumped me again, it would completely destroy me. And truthfully I didn’t trust him not to do it again. What sort of future could I have with someone I was unable to trust? Constantly feeling worried and jealous and scared, that’s no way to live. So I said no and he walked away. It was a defining moment in my life.

Later I married someone who never made me feel worried or jealous or scared for a single second. It wasn’t the same sort of great romantic love, but it was realistic and stable and I trusted him with my life. Sometimes I do wonder what might have been.

Sort of. Someone at school who I was on/off with for a while. It wasn’t physical at that time because we were too young. I was fickle and didn’t know what I wanted and kept breaking his heart. His friends told him to stay away from me (understandably) because they didn’t want to see him get hurt.

We didn’t see each other for a while after we both went off to different sixth forms. I saw him again by chance when were 18. I had just come out of an awful relationship and he joked about ‘rescuing’ me. We were both single and had a mind-blowing night together. Just the one night. Years later I told him I had wanted more of those nights but thought he didn’t. He told me he had wanted that too. But we hadn’t managed to let each know at the time.

Then I met DH and we were busy falling in love. One night the old flame came into the pub where I worked. We chatted and he said he’d heard I’d met someone. He said: ‘Do you need me to rescue you again?’
‘Not this time’, I replied.

I still talk to him once in a blue moon. I still feel a huge affection for him and sometimes think about the Sliding Doors. But I don’t think it would have worked between us really- we were too alike and both prone to MH issues. I needed someone stable and grounded which is what I found in my OH.

Yes I do. We were together from 18-22. I went to college and he joined the military. My DM moved and I couldn’t find her, as she lived in another country and this was before cell phones and email. He suggested ways to find her so decided to try them. He said he would call me later to find out if any worked and one did and while I was excitedly on the phone talking to my DM, he called. And instead of switching over to take his call I continued talking to my DM thinking he would call back - he never did. And I couldn’t call him as he had no phone (was using a phone booth).

to this day I regret not taking his call. I have never loved anyone or been in a relationship with anyone else like that again. Decades later I still miss and think of him, and have regrets.

Kind of. I met a really lovely man, definitely a spark, and some form of connection

Unfortunately I was moving in with my boyfriend so it wasn't to be, and although I'd liked lovely man, I put him firmly in the friendzone.

Boyfriend turned out to be a twat, violent, abusive and I was completely destroyed by how our relationship turned out.

About a year later, Really Lovely Man popped up on Facebook one day, and we're happily married.

He got away, but then turned up again 😁

Here's a two-for-one story - I've never mentioned this anywhere or to anyone before.

I had a long standing girlfriend all the way through high school - she found the stress of A-levels and having me as a bf too much and she thought it best we go our own ways as we were (probably) both off to different universities (although we had chosen universities together and visited them together in the run up to applying so many of the universities were actually close to each other - at the time we were thinking we would be together - as unrealistic as that now sounds even to me) - I think she thought it was a chance to open up to new experiences, people and places, etc - I didn't want to split up. It seems weird now but wasn't at the time - but I continued to walk to her house to sit and revise together - I helped her with the 2 A-levels we had in common and I knew she was stressed about the exams, leaving home and going to uni - she grew up in a tiny village. So - we went our separate ways - actually to universities 22 miles apart - so splitting up around xmas 1979 - staying on friendly enough terms to revise together through the start of 1980 and then heading off to uni in Oct 1980.

I secretly harboured a hope that somehow, one day we would get back together - I didn't know how that would ever happen but on several occasions during 1980-81 I did hop on a tube train and visit her uni hoping to see her; I never did - we had had no contact at all since sitting our exams - I didn't even see her on the day you were supposed to go and collect your exam results - I didn't go - I didn't want to see her and get upset - I just phoned for my results and waited for the letter.

I threw myself into my work at uni - which is what I wanted to do anyway - I loved what I was studying. I never once thought about getting into another relationship - I felt like I was never going to get over her and the ~6 years we'd been together. Strangely I did end up with a real heart-to-heart friendship with a girl (Julie B (from Rotherham) - sociology and/or psychology) who was going through the exact same thing having split up with her long standing bf - we hung out a lot, emotionally supported each other but were never a couple. Towards the end of that first year - 1981 - one of Julie's friends (Joanne - studying French up North I think - York perhaps) visited a few times and for the first time I felt I'd met someone that I might want to get involved with - in truth I don't think she was that interested in me to begin with - but - I don't know - maybe it was just the attention - we did end up spending some time together - it was such a brilliant time for me right at the end of my first year - I felt happy and optimistic in a way I hadn't for a long time - it really felt like it was going to go somewhere.

I went home at the end of my 1st year and was really surprised to get a phone call from my ex who I hadn't seen or heard of for about a year - she wanted to meet up. She didn't say too much in the phone call but I didn't need persuading. It turned out she'd struggled emotionally at uni and found it hard to make friends - she worked hard and was basically lonely and on the point of quitting. She's never been great at showing her feelings - she's a tough nut to crack - so I don't remember there being that much said about having actually missed me! We had this strange conversation - where neither of us were sure if this meant we were going to try and get back together...anyway - we met again many times over the summer - she decided to go back to uni. I had to explain that I was right at the beginning of a new relationship - I had real hopes and feelings for Joanne - my ex said - "well -it's up to you" - it still felt so uncertain what was going to happen with us. It was one of the saddest things I've ever had to do - I ended up writing to Joanne to explain what had happened (she knew all about me and my my ex anyway) - I can't recall how I sent the letter but, as far as I recall, I never received a reply. I do wonder what became of Julie's friend - Joanne - she was so lovely. I don't see her as the one that got away - incredibly perhaps - I am still with "my ex" (the one that got away) - but she's the only other person I ever had feelings for. If anyone recognises the names and places (Brunel 1980-81) - PM me - I've never found Julie B on social media (she has a pretty common/indistinctive surname).

Yes.
He was an officer in some Scandinavian countries navy in London for work.
We met, hit it off and had the most incredible and short lived love affair. I'm talking a matter of days that felt like years. We told each other everything, laying awake in his hotel room sharing our hearts.
He had to suddenly leave as he caught covid and was pretty unwell, I was utterly bereft. I felt like i had lost a part of me i didnt even know existed.
I found out I was pregnant after he left and of course started dreaming about our future, packing it all in over here and moving to be with him and our blonde haired bubba.
I didn't tell him, I asked him if I could visit, and he agreed, I booked flights. I then miscarried and shut him out a bit. We had a falling out and he stopped responding to my messages.
A few months ago he messaged out of the blue and I told him about the pregnancy, the miscarriage and apologised for how I acted. He said he understood and were now friends.
I won't lie, I still hold a torch for him. If he were to turn up my doorstep I'd have him in a heartbeat.

I was the one who got away apparently, according to his friends.
He crosses my mind every now and again, and I still feel a pull in my heart that I didn't treat him kinder at the time.
He wanted commitment at a time when I was not ready.

Since this thread I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him.
So just before Christmas I messaged him, and we haven't stopped talking since.
I hope this time he doesn't get away, I would like to really give it a go with him.