What is the maximum amount of stress someone can handle before they simply IMPLODE

[foaosn]

Asking for a friend..

It depends on the person.

IMO there are warning signs before an implosion …

Getting ill and having accidents or getting injured while doing normal things or sports too do regularly are clear warning signs.

Depends on the level of resilience the person has built and what methods they use to deal with stress.

and also how much they need to deal with.

I think it's a lot. Look at some of the things people have gone through and survived. I guess you are referring to yourself? I hope there is some end in sight. One foot in front of the other..... Maybe drugs might help but definitely not alcohol or 'bad' drugs. Time, friends, talking, excessive, pets - they can all help. What about speaking to a charity. There are lots of amazing and kind people in the world - hopefully someone can help.

Stress makes me feel incredibly tired. ☹️

My experience lately has been: a surprising amount. (Things were pretty bad as it was and now it looks like my cancer is back. Still doing tests and waiting.)

However, my memory is absolutely shot and I’m constantly getting my words mixed up. I’m ‘coping’ but that’s about it.

Feel free to PM me. Don’t worry if you don’t have cancer, it’s not a competition, stress is stress whatever the cause 💐

I get physically ill. That's when I know that I need to stop and deal with whatever it is.

The thing is, I'm not even going through the 'worst thing imaginable', not close. Me, my DH and kids are healthy and have a roof over our heads.

It's the joy of elderly parents and aging and trying to see how this is all going to play out. Bloody dementia. It's all I can think about, and I feel like I've lost perspective a bit.

Does anyone have any tips for maintaining perspective?

If they're elderly, I suppose the perspective is you're lucky to have had them for so long?
And it's the circle of life to care for those who cared for you.
And worse still, if you were caring for your very sick children, for example.
That doesn't mean it's not difficult, just some fortitude to get you through.

I'm grateful everyday it's not my kids who are ill.

But I do have 2 kids (including an 8 month old), live 90 mins away, and need to work- so I'm just not sure how I can be what I will be expected to be.

I know I'm not the first person to face this shit path but god it's crap when it's 'your turn'.

Sorry everyone, I just need to get this out somewhere.

It all depends on their previous experience. Someone whose been lucky to sail through life with no real problems can feel incredibly stressed by something that is very common to others.
Compare that to people who face life & death on a daily basis - A&E staff, paramedics, armed forces personnel on active service etc.

I was very unhappy and hurt in my relationship. One day I thought I was having a heart attack - the chest pains, breathless... Actually went to A&E and it turned out to be just a panic attack....
So no major impact really.

Currently there's a very serious issue at work. One of these days I was very stressed about it, and then I woke up during the night with very strong chest pains, and my heart rate going really fast, it hours to go back down...
In the end I'm fine physically, at least ostensibly, so again no major impact.

So I think that we have a major amount of resilience...(fortunately/unfortunately?).

Ah I’ve also been there and done that, albeit from a distance as my parents live abroad.

I honestly don’t have any real tips as I think the way I cope is mostly down to my personality type.

What I would say is: don’t feel like you have to apologise for it supposedly not being “the worst thing imaginable”. It’s pretty awful and all the unknowns are just so hard. We were very grateful that my parent didn’t suffer and it didn’t drag on for “too long”. At the end there was simply no quality of life.

Having an 8-month-old really adds another dimension. You’re already pretty stressed I should imagine!

All the platitudes do turn out to be true. You can only do what you can do. You can’t be in two places at once. You have to fit your own oxygen mask first, etc etc etc.

For me the last few years have been a time of accepting change, and it is REALLY hard. Change is hard. And there’s also an aspect of grief.

I do find comfort in the fact that we have a warm cosy house, enough to eat, and no bombs falling on us - while some people have all my problems PLUS those on top - but you will need to find what works for you. Me saying “count your blessings” is only going to make you feel more guilty, which is the last thing you need.

Lately with my medical tests and my children struggling with serious mental health problems my mantra has been “One day at a time”, or even “half an hour at a time” when necessary. People ask me if I’ll be operated on before Christmas and I just look at them blankly. “No clue. I don’t even know what’s for lunch!”

Take it as it comes.

I think that sometimes that having had “no real problems” can help with resilience. I certainly think it has done in my case. I think everyone’s different.

I found using a little mantra helped me. I'd keep telling myself in a purposeful way that "I can't control everything and it's not my fault". I'd say it out loud sometimes with some deep breaths. Sounds a bit daft now but it helped me a lot. The cause of my stress was a family members MH issue. We all got through it but I found it overwhelming at the time. I'd always been the least stressy person I know but sometimes life throws big problems at you that can't be dealt with by being 'resilient'

I think in modern life we want things that will fix stress but for me it's yoga and meditation, breathing and relaxation techniques, no alcohol, eat well, fresh air. It's layering healthy habits

Oooh yes absolutely! Mantras have helped me a lot during some of the most stressful times of the past few years. I’m a big fan of Louise L. Hay, YMMV but when I’m worrying about imminent death I play her stuff on Spotify 😉

For some, especially those who've had to develop resilience at an early age, I'd say a great deal.

For others it might be so little.

I'm always surprised at the amount of stress I can absorb and still carry on. It does gradually catch up with you though and then bite you on the bum every few years when you least expect.

My resilience is partly due to effectively compartmentalising. In my case, out of sight out of mind.

I think stress impacts people in all sorts of ways, I get anxiety and feel sick, can’t eat, so lose weight and feel lightheaded as I haven’t eaten, so feel more sick etc. and migraines. Also wake up very early in the morning. A friend gets very bad earache every time they are stressed. Another drinks too much in the evenings. We all have different ways of coping and if you internalise it too much you might start having these sorts of physical affects as well as feeling tired and frazzled.

For me, it helps to eat properly, get enough sleep, reduce caffeine and alcohol share the stress if you can (make a joint plan, split up tasks, work out next steps for the week, month etc). Also if you can, it always really helps if I arrange childcare and have some time childfree to get things in order or just get some headspace. Being more in control might help any spiralling anxiety and remove some of the stress, really hope things improve OP sending hugs

My best advice is forgive yourself, do what you can but you are no good to anyone spread so thin.

Put things in place that you can, for me it was visiting every week, in between, I found volunteer groups (church based and charity based), friends, cousins etc who were more local)

But be kind to yourself, the night my parent died I had text saying I was exhausted and couldn't come up to see them. I can't feel guilt for that as it was true and I try to reframe it as 'we had such an honest and positive relationship, I could say that and know they understood' it's never easy but you can't do it all.

This is really interesting. I keep getting injured when I'm under stress at work. Do you have any more details?

OP there's an Elderly Parents board and a Dementia board.

advance warning - it may or not be helpful....

sorry you're having this 💐

This.
It is unbelievable what I can push to one side in my brain and carry on.
Some people hyper focus on the stressful thing and it consumes them, I push it away (after dealing with it in whatever way possible) and move on to the next thing.
I truly believe some of us bend and some of us break, not sure why though.

If you're dealing with Dementia, come over and join us in the Elderly Parents section. There's a long running support thread which you might find useful.

I'd also recommend the kindle book "Twiligh Shepherd". I think it's £1.99, is very easy to read and give simple, clear advice.

I simply Googled this but here: https://coynemedical.com/how-stress-can-contribute-to-injury/

I was doing the washing yesterday and jammed my finger in the basket lid somehow, I seem to have got off with pain and bruising. I’ve had that basket for over a decade and never done that before! I’m very stressed at the moment and it makes me absentminded and careless. I’ve tripped a few times lately too.

As others have said go to the elderly parents board (it's tucked away in Other) and find the Cockroach Café.
We have gin (other beverages are available), cake and a roaring fire for you to sit by and moan away to your hearts content with people who will nod, understand and possibly have useful advice.