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Original poster

Handhold - critically ill

28 replies

arvia2023 · 07/12/2023 13:53

My dh suffered a traumatic brain injury in am accident two weeks ago and is still in critical care unconcious. He is making some responses to pain and is taking breathes on his own. Does anyone have an experience in this? I am completely distraught.

OP posts:
Itsbeginningtolookalotlike · 07/12/2023 13:58

I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. Totally different situation but my DM was in a car accident and in critical care for 7 weeks. I was so sceptical that it was possible for her to make a full recovery, particularly after a couple of weeks on the ventilator, but she did. Recovery was a long journey but she got there in the end. Never lose hope.

Just2MoreSeasons · 07/12/2023 14:03

I don't have any experience, but I just want to offer a hand hold. Sounds traumatic for you as well as him. Please reach out for support from friends and family as well as on here. Take of yourself whilst this is happening 💐

LakeTiticaca · 07/12/2023 14:05

No experience here but sending a little prayer for your DH for a full recovery ❤

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MaidOfSteel · 07/12/2023 14:34

I'm thinking of you, your husband & family, OP. XX

Nsky62 · 07/12/2023 14:39

How awful, sending love x

Stephisaur · 07/12/2023 14:41

I don't have any experience OP but wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your family. Sending love xx

Zimunya · 07/12/2023 14:42

Also no experience, OP, but you and your DH are in my thoughts and prayers.

penjil · 07/12/2023 14:53

Was it a car accident? Or accident at work? In the home?

Original poster
arvia2023 · 07/12/2023 14:59

Thank you for your kind messages. It was a bike accident. I am struggling to cope with the lack of info and not sure there is a timescale for him to wake up. I feel panicked and trying to shoulder this, keeping the family and house bills etc going. It’s like a living nightmare.

OP posts:
violetcuriosity · 07/12/2023 15:12

Yes, sadly I've been there. My partner was 26 and in a coma for 6 weeks, he had a condition called autoimmune encephalitis triggered by viral meningitis.

Have you got any questions? I don't want to give you information you don't want.

So, so sorry this is happening to you- I remember the constant anxiety and dread like it was yesterday. Xxx

expo546 · 07/12/2023 15:20

I do OP, my DH was in ITU vented and dialysed for 5 months in total. Not an accident but but completely out of the blue critical illness. Unfortunately I know the utter, shocking terror and worries about everything else that you're feeling all too well. Not least was trying to support 2 young DC when you're can't think straight yourself.
Along with the ITU nurses, the Facebook group Critical Care Support Network were the most helpful.

My DH came through the other side, 12 months in hospital and lots of rehab and now has ongoing health issues.

expo546 · 07/12/2023 15:22

To add further, my DH was in an induced coma for 8weeks and then took about 6 weeks to wake up-although that was hell too re ITU delirium.

englishrose1234 · 07/12/2023 15:24

Really sorry OP - this must be terrifying for you. X

Cazziebo · 07/12/2023 15:25

My sister was in a coma intubated in ITU for 4 weeks. She was rarely conscious - there would sometimes be a flicker but it would be seconds. I used to massage her hands and feet. Once she recovered, she remembered that.

One thing to be aware of is the after effect of ICU delirium. No one warned us of that and it was so difficult to get any support. Had I known we would have been better equipped to support her.

I hope your DH recovers well.

weirdoboelady · 07/12/2023 15:25

While there are no guarantees, of course, the brain is incredibly plastic and good at recovery. (I know because I used to run a stroke charity). Just have faith that DH's brain will do the very best it can to repair itself. And keep talking to him.

LIZS · 07/12/2023 15:27

Sorry to hear about your situation. There is also a website ICUSteps which you may find useful. Dh was in cc for over a month after an operation and infections. Are you completing a ICU diary for him when you visit, in conjunction with the nursing staff and therapists? They will monitor his responses as they ease his sedation, often daily while washing him or doing observations. If he is showing good responses that is encouraging. The staff will also warn you that as they wake him he may experience delirium which can be disturbing to witness as well as if he is aware. Hope he recovers soon.

outdooryone · 07/12/2023 15:29

I second Headway - get in touch with them, they are really helpful.

I have an old friend who was flattened by a driver in a hurry and not looking at a supermarket. It has been life changing I am afraid, he will not work again despite his hopes to. The settlement took a long while to come through from the drivers insurers, but he now has no financial worries for the future.

expo546 · 07/12/2023 15:33

The whole thing with ITU was the uncertainty, no one could really tell me if he'd get better and much of his 5 months in ITU was me watching and waiting and hoping.
The ITu Doctors were v pessimistic and stark the entire time except for his last week there; whereas the iTU nurses seemed to give a little bit more hope. I guess the ITU doctors just wanted to convey the gravity of the situation? I suppose some NoK/relatives go into denial in that situation 🤷‍♀️ I was told my previously fit and well husband was DNACPR within 24 hours of being ventilated (his kidneys failed then too along with lungs). Most traumatic episode of my life to date those 5 months 🥲

LIZS · 07/12/2023 15:38

@expo546 agree re. Uncertainty and minimal optimism. Also lack of consistency in the feedback and staff. Does your hospital offer a support group for former ICU patients and their families? We have found it a useful way to process and understand that period better and recovery since.

expo546 · 07/12/2023 15:45

Yes -monthly ICU steps meeting. 2 of the ITU sisters run it. The Facebook group CCSN was/is also vital. I think it is part of ICU steps ?

Original poster
arvia2023 · 07/12/2023 15:59

Thank you so much for your messages and your signposts. It is true about the sheer abject terror I’m feeling which is fuelled even more by the pessimism and clinical detachment from the drs. Im currently spending around 5 hours at the hospital where I talk incessantly to dh and scrutinise any little movement or signs. I then have to come home, cook and try and keep the kids buoyed whilst trying to keep the panic and fear down. I haven’t even had time to process my poor dh state because I feel if I go there I will lose all control.

OP posts:
expo546 · 07/12/2023 16:06

You have to live in the minute OP. Get through each minute. That's all you can do xxx

Original poster
arvia2023 · 08/12/2023 13:15

Hi all
Just an update; dh is still unconcious and spent some time off the ventilator yesterday but today is back on. Again, nothing from the drs. Has anyone had an experience of weaning off a ventilator and if this affects levels of consciousness ? Are we under a timeframe for him to wake up?

OP posts:
DebbyU · 08/12/2023 13:32

I was in a coma for 63 days after a bleed on the brain and then woke up-a long recovery followed. So it is perfectly possible-good luck and he will wake up!

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