If your child does a hobby competitively/at a high end…

[Naptrappedmummy]

How old were they when they started?

DD is 4. I didn’t have any hobbies growing up, but I remember those who played sport/music competitively or at a high level started quite young. I want to give DD this opportunity, so I was just wondering what age your child started, how you decided what they would do, and so on.

(Please know I’m not a pushy parent, if at any point she wants to stop that’s fine, I just don’t want to miss the boat for her to do well if she finds something she really likes)

thank you!

I let mine try different lots of different things/took them along to try things I thought they would like.

DD I took to a little dance class as a toddler which she loved but she heard the drama class in the room next door and asked to try that, and promptly arranged for me to sign her up at theatre school aged 3 (as a struggling single mum at the time, I agreed through gritted teeth and my Christmas present from my parents was the first terms fees!). She still lives for it now, a decade later. Almost every night she's dancing or acting or singing. But all the drive came from her. And sometimes it's tough to sustain at the level she wants, it's a fair amount of cost and a lot of complex logistics and I only do it because she works so hard at it and clearly enjoys it

I agree with what others have said, at 4-5 it's about getting them moving, getting them used to the regularity of going to a class every week, meeting new people and being able to follow instructions. I teach martial arts (got into it through my kids, who compete), it's so much easier to teach kids of any age if they already have a 'brain/ body connection', e.g if you say 'move your leg to the side' they are able to translate that instruction into how to move their body to achieve that. This ability helps them to learn any physical activity. You can do it at home through games like 'Simon Says' or through any of the sports or activity clubs appropriate for her age.
Another thing to bear in mind is body type (theirs may change, but look at yours/ father's and wider family's). Our families are all stout but hypermobile, so gymnastics was a non-starter; son was probably going to be tall, so basketball was a possibility!

I agree that from the age of 9-10 it will probably be driven by the child's desire; before that you can have a conversation/ be more directive (I insisted that, if I paid for a term, they had to finish the term before they dropped out, but otherwise there were no recriminations). Lots of clubs run taster sessions, use them. But remember tastes & abilities change over the years: something they hated at 4 may be back on the cards at 10.

Friends are also important: if the club has a good culture/ they make friends there then it makes it easier to motivate them to go.

There are few activities or sports where you have to start extremely young to have a chance: gymnastics is the only one I can think of off-hand.

I'd say both my DC do music at a 'fairly high end' but not competitively and neither is interested in the NYO type ensembles (one because orchestral music isn't their thing, the other because those ensemble weeks clash with a sport they do). They both started at about Y3, so aged 7/8, and it was driven by them; DC1 went along to an instrument trial at school and the teacher said he reckoned they'd be suited to a particular instrument. Eleven years down the line, daily practice until this summer when they finished Y13, and some amazing opportunities along the way and I reckon that teacher was right. DC1 has no desire to be a professional musician but the years of instrumental lessons, ensemble playing and practice have introduced them to all sorts of aspects of the music industry and it's because of that they have gone in the direction they have career-wise.

If you can afford horse riding then go for it. The beauty of it is that it's all learning to be a better rider and you can do this without your own pony, or competing at all if that is your thing.

My parents never got me a pony, despite me explaining at length how it could live on my lawn. This did not stop me spending all weekend at the stables, going on kids riding holidays every summer and being able to jump confidently.

My son started drumming in February aged 13. He’s now 14 and doing his grade 6, changed his GCSE option to music and is going to be playing at the drum show next year. He just has a natural ability and determination and loves it from the second he first picked up a drumstick.

My dd has attended 3-4 clubs at a time since she was very young. Started with baby sensory, baby ballet type thing. She kept up the dancing, gymnastics, swimming and rainbows, well now brownies. Last year she had a taster session for karate at school and loved it so we did the trial. She recently dropped gymnastics to go to 2-3 karate classes a week and is really good!

For me these clubs are about fun and social opportunities as she’s an only child. Like others I wanted her to find something sporty she loves to help keep her fit. In the end she has been confident and strong enough in her decisions and ability to pick a club she enjoys the most and run with it. Funny that of all the clubs she has been to this wasn’t one we tried, she picked it herself! We are just here to support and encourage her and let her take it as far as she wants with no pressure. The important thing is keeping it fun in the hope she wants to continue.

Friends are also important: if the club has a good culture/ they make friends there then it makes it easier to motivate them to go.
I agree with this, and would tend to disagree with the PP who advised seeking out a club with a record for high achievement- at least initially. Obviously if a child really gets into a sport or activity and has a flair for it then you may well want to find a club which focuses on talent development but they might not be the best start for a young child just starting out. I now coach at one of my son's old sports clubs and we are most definitely not performance orientated. But we are very friendly and inclusive and we teach the basics to a good standard. Most of our kids are "once a weekers" and come for fun, friendship and fitness. We meet their needs very well. When we come across children who want to take the sport more seriously or who obviously have a lot of natural talent then we have a word with the parents and gently steer them towards another club a bit further away that takes things more seriously. Their head coach has indeed trained some very successful athletes over the years but he willingly admits that he would be useless if faced with a group of over excited 5 year olds brand new to the sport.
You may of course be fortunate enough to find a club on your doorstep that does everything well and can take everyone from pre schoolers to elite athletes, but more than often people start with a local group and then move if they find their child has a flair for what ever it is. Obviously you want a competent coach/teacher but in the early stages of any sport or activity I would value someone kind who can relate to young children and a happy atmosphere over someone who has coached multiple Olympic champions. Plenty of time for a more competitive atmosphere later if they so wish.

One of my children is a natural sportswoman. A huge amount of talent and she has excelled in a couple of sports at a national level.

However, she hasn't got that huge mental drive that professional athletes need. She gave up both sports, one a couple of years ago and the other this summer. Her latter coach was gutted as she is sadly very talented but it isn't something she wants to pursue.

She started gymnastics at 3 and was in a development squad a month later.

She is a teenager and the only sports she does atm is running but just on her own with music as a relaxing thing to do.

International level sports - started at age 6, but not at a serious level until about age 9. Totally agree with the poster above about more niche sports - if your child does swimming, artistic gymnastics, football etc their chances of elite level success are almost zero. Pick a less competitive sport if you want them to have the chance to compete at a very high level whilst also having a life.

Same applies for music - there are millions of little pianists and violinists.

And if you want them to succeed, point them in the direction of something they’re likely to be good at naturally based on their personality, shape, size and likely adult height and build. Unlikely to make it as a competitive swimmer if you’re going to end up at 5ft0 but you’d be a natural for gymnastics. And the club is so so important. Pick a good club. ‘Bounce’ is a very interesting book that covers some of this!

Youngest child tried loads and loads of different things from pre school age and didn't enjoy them as she didn't find any of them easy - but at 7 started dancing and competed at national level by 10 and world championship level by 13.

It was the right combination of her 'thing', good teachers and determination to put dancing first above going out partying etc...not to mention me forking out a shit tonne of money to buy costumes / shoes / hotels and flights to enable her to compete.

DD does horse riding to a good level (6th at the NC) but it doesn't consume her life as with some of her fellow competitors (partially because we can't afford it in the same way)

We have to balance training and competing, we cannot afford to be out every weekend chasing qualifications etc.

She also has recently discovered she loves dancing, although only does this at school as an extracurricular. I love that she has another hobby alongside riding as I don't want it to become all consuming.

DD started riding very early but only because I've been around horses my entire life and also work with them. She got her first pony aged 8 and we have 2 now. But we are on DIY livery so do every single bit of the work ourselves, and we have trickier ponies that she's had to work hard with as we can't afford anything remotely ready-made.

Again I think that helps as she's learned very quickly that disappointments are regular!

One of mine plays sport professionally and has done for some time.

Was sporty all through school years but really took off during secondary years. Was excelling at one but lost interest and chose another. Has made a good living from it.

All I did was provide transport, lots of food and did lots of laundry!

I think it's also important to make peace with the fact that they can't do everything, and that at some point they will have to stop doing something that they like because they can't fit everything in. My kids do quite a few activities but there will be things that they will never end up trying because there just aren't enough hours in the day. They are highly unlikely to be surfers, for example, because we don't live anywhere near the sea.
And also I think it's really important to be comfortable with saying that they can't do x or y because it just isn't possible for family logistics or finances.
Also, I know it isn't what you asked but I think there is a huge value in doing something you're bad at but enjoy, especially if you are a high achieving sort of person who has a tendency to put pressure on yourself in hobbies as well as at work. I never thought of myself as sporty but have recently taken up a sport again that I dabbled in as a teenager having found a lovely friendly club on my doorstep. I'm rubbish at it and likely always will be (although no doubt a bit more practice and better fitness might help a bit). But I really enjoy it and love switching my thinking/planning brain off for an hour to just have a go with no consequences to any of it. I would hate to have to do competitive matches or anything (though I appreciate some people genuinely enjoy this).

One of my DC swims competitively despite only starting swimming lessons relatively late at age 7.
DN also swims competitively and had one to one lessons from 2 years old.

Dance lessons at 2, still competing, performing and teaching alongside an unrelated degree aged 20

Slightly obscure and identifiable sport age 3- still playing, coaching and recently passed trials to play county wide at age 16.

For us we knew this was their 'thing' from a very young age, although they did try a variety of other sports and clubs along the way.
fwiw dc3 is now aged 12 and hasnt found their 'thing' but still does 3 sports/ clubs that they love so having one thing isnt always essential!

DD13 dances at Associate level. She started dancing age 4.
She won’t be a member of the Royal School of ballet as her legs are too long.
However, she enjoys her hobby. It has given her confidence, keeps her fit and she has made friends outside school.
She is an excellent dancer and has great strength and flexibility. I think a child should have a hobby to focus on especially during the teen years. I would never force her to continue though. The child must enjoy said hobby.
It might take your child a while to find something she enjoys enough to continue. Swimming is always a good skill even if not continued. You could always give Stagecoach or similar groups a try.
Id look into cost and practicality.

The one thing that is hard to break into late is ?
(Boys) football ( soccer). Clubs tend to be oversubscribed and therefore selective. If you don’t have the fine footwork by age 8 or an enormous amount of natural ability it can be difficult

My DD is a competitive ballroom dancer-she's v good. She started at 4, but was always overlooked by her teachers. Many started much older and are still able to get to her level now.

Yes she is talented. But it's the daily training every evening and all day Saturday then competing Sundays which has got her where she is. She work incredibly hard. Her teachers certainly don't overlook her now!

I wouldn't go into anything thinking about competing though. My DD dint start competing until she was 12. She'd got to the point she loved her hobby and wanted to put in more time etc. It was just a Saturday hobby for many many years.

I want to warn you that I spend £100s a month I don't have. The time commitment from me is grueling too. It takes over your life. But she's got to such a high level now, that there is almost no going back.

I'll come back to tell you in another 10-15 years if she makes it on strictly and pays me back 😆

My 13-year-old does show jumping at high level. She first tried riding aged around 6 and then joined the Pony Club at around 8, got her own pony at 11 and got into jumping seriously from then on.

Music for me and I started at 6. All the sports round here start at 4 but it's not the age you start that matters it's access to quality coaching and letting the child have fun. If they don't have fun they won't participate.

*I wouldn't go into anything thinking about competing though. My DD dint start competing until she was 12. She'd got to the point she loved her hobby and wanted to put in more time etc. It was just a Saturday hobby for many many years.

I want to warn you that I spend £100s a month I don't have. The time commitment from me is grueling too. It takes over your life. But she's got to such a high level now, that there is almost no going back.*

That was exactly the same with my daughter and show jumping. Horse riding was just a Saturday hobby for many years until she became serious. It came completely from my daughter - I'm not horsey at all and am just the driver and the cash machine. She spends her life training every day after school and all weekends completely voluntarily - I never pushed her into it at all and in fact my parents strongly tried to discourage her pursuing it.

I knew 2 pro athletes as young children (now age 23 & ~26 yrs). One started about 5 or 6 the other age 6 or 7. I don't think they gained extra skills by doing their sports before 7 or 8 yr or even older. It was just fun.

swimming and gymnastics are a pretty good base for lots of other sports-you will be able to identify what else they might be good at through different aspects of them and they will build strength, stamina and flexibility. I’d probably stick football in too for the team aspect and dexterity.
Then try lots of other things to see what they enjoy

Haha swimming can be a nightmare, DD now does 4 early morning swims a week, plus 2 evenings. I feel like I live at the pool as DS also swims 3x a week.

Op to answer your post DD was actually a bit late to swimming compared to others Didn't start with the club until 10, but had done triathlons for 2 years beforehand.

She did dance from 4 and while she enjoyed it for a while wasn't fantastic and didn't want to carry on after about 12.

I think anything they do quite competitively ends up being time consuming. I would pick a couple of things and see if she enjoys them, there is no point doing something they don't like. There are some really good swimmers in DD's group but not all of them actually enjoy doing it.