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Original poster

Would your OH be your alibi?

38 replies

80sbabyy1 · 05/12/2023 11:36

And would you be theirs?
hypothetical question after a topic with a work colleague who said her husband would call the police if he witnessed her doing something illegal.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2023 11:37

Of course.

Bluevelvetsofa · 05/12/2023 11:39

Surely it would depend on what the crime was.

Ihatethenewlook · 05/12/2023 11:41

Depends on the crime to a certain extent, but yes. I know mn is generally a bunch of do gooders, but I couldn’t imagine being with someone who would happily phone the police on their spouse (unless they were actually assaulting them or something).

Cas112 · 05/12/2023 11:41

Depends what the crime was and the reason for doing it

CalistoNoSolo · 05/12/2023 11:41

Well it would depend on the crime. If it was sexual assault/rape/murder/torture/animal cruelty etc then we'd shop each other (though I hope I have better judgement than to be involved with anyone capable of the above). But I guess low level crime we would probably lie for each other. Its hard to say without knowing why the police are after us.

Plexiglass · 05/12/2023 11:44

Nope.

He is a lawyer and would lose his career if he was found to have done that.

Also he is just very, very honest (too honest sometimes!) and wouldn't do it anyway.

Catlord · 05/12/2023 11:47

I wouldn't shop him unless it was something extreme that would change my perception of who he was but no, I wouldn't lie.

Apart from the ethics it would be likely to come apart with today's technology- CCTV, online records etc.

If I genuine believed him to be innocent for reasons more substantial than 'DP would never do that' but there was no proof or that he was being framed then that would be harder but I think it could cause more problems in the long run to lie. Maybe depends how close the alibi was to the truth.

fridaynight1 · 05/12/2023 11:48

If they had broken the law - no I would not.

WhenLoveIsDone · 05/12/2023 11:49

I can't imagine any circs where I'd report my husband.

He isn't a nonce or a drunk driver, though. If so then yes.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/12/2023 11:50

I wouldn’t call the police unless something truly horrific.
Alibi wise- Probably not- we have children and if we both got in trouble they’d be left lone

BranchGold · 05/12/2023 11:50

I don’t think I would instinctively.

I think if I was questioned by the police, I’d happily go down the ‘No comment’ route until I knew more about the accusation/crime.

I also wouldn’t take driving penalty points for anyone else. Or take out a loan in my name only.

Sconehenge · 05/12/2023 11:52

I think there is a difference between actively reporting and being an alibi. I wouldn’t actively report anything except where the thing was so bad that I’d decided to leave the person because of it. But actually being an alibi so they could get away with it…very difficult these days with CCTV etc so I would hope that they’d have thought of better ways to get off the hook than my false alibi!

Getthethrowonthesofa · 05/12/2023 11:53

Depends what it was, speeding or something, sure, murdering someone, no chance

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2023 11:54

Depends tbh but probably not, he is incredibly proper, far more civilised than myself.

LovedMyLastNameItHadToGo · 05/12/2023 11:55

ethically no, mainly cos our jobs are based on strict ethics and we could not continue our careers (we’d be struck off essentially) so in order to protect my kids future one of us needs to be working so no protecting! Although looking at the ‘ethics’ of our MPs it’s amazing what ‘crimes’ people get away with.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/12/2023 11:55

Do you mean, would I commit perjury to protect my dh if he had committed a crime?

No, I wouldn't. I don't think he would lie to protect me either.

If either of us discovered that the other was involved in criminal activity, I think we would feel that our whole marriage was based on a lie in any case. There wouldn't be anything left to protect.

I wouldn't lie to protect my dc either. I'm not sure that protecting people from the consequences of their actions is necessarily any great act of love...quite the contrary, I think. In the longer term, it is probably much better for them to face up to what they have done.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/12/2023 11:56

An alibi isn't usually anything illegal. You can give an alibi if the person concerned was genuinely with you at the time of the offence.

What people on here are talking about is lying to cover for their partner. Eg Maxine Carr and Ian Huntley.

Brandyginger · 05/12/2023 11:57

No, nor I his. We’re both scrupulously honest (often to our detriment) and both lawyers.

KitchenAngst · 05/12/2023 11:57

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/12/2023 11:55

Do you mean, would I commit perjury to protect my dh if he had committed a crime?

No, I wouldn't. I don't think he would lie to protect me either.

If either of us discovered that the other was involved in criminal activity, I think we would feel that our whole marriage was based on a lie in any case. There wouldn't be anything left to protect.

I wouldn't lie to protect my dc either. I'm not sure that protecting people from the consequences of their actions is necessarily any great act of love...quite the contrary, I think. In the longer term, it is probably much better for them to face up to what they have done.

This,

Also, while I am a gifted and fluent liar when necessary, DH is dreadful. A cop would only have to ask him a question to know he wasn't telling the truth, by his expression.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/12/2023 12:00

Depends on what the crime is!

Although we have the complications of living 200 miles apart...

GMsAWinner · 05/12/2023 12:00

I think it's really hard for me to say unless I was in that situation. DH always takes the attitude, there's no need to tell porkies, just tell the truth or say you don't want to do something, so it would be harder for him to deal with.

In reality I don't think we'd report eachother unless it was really bad (murder, rape, intentional harm, scam/steeling money), but I do think it'd harm our relationship as the trust would be gone and the fact that we'd do something so bad that would upset and could be a life changer for eachother wouldn't work longterm.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/12/2023 12:01

Although I've only got this from crime fiction... I thought spouses couldn't be compelled to give evidence against each other?

Original poster
80sbabyy1 · 05/12/2023 12:01

The conversation was along the lines of my colleague despising our boss and wishing she could ‘end him’, but her OH would call the police on her rather than cover for her. Yes very dark conversation, I didn’t think she was like that! But had me thinking if I’d protect my OH for the sake of the kids etc, if he committed a crime that he’d be in prison for if I didn’t give a fake Alibi. (Neither of us would commit crime so strictly hypothetical)

OP posts:
Luigifes · 05/12/2023 12:31

I reported my then husband after I caught him watching and having child (including toddlers) sexual abuse images on his phone.
I thought he was the love of my life and it was the toughest thing I've ever done but I knew I could never live with my self if he went on to harm a child himself, I was also heavily pregnant.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 05/12/2023 12:37

@PuttingDownRoots I think this is the case in the USA but no longer the case in the UK.
I (in the past) dated wrong uns and was forced to commit crime I definitely wouldn't dream of now. (Abusive relationship)
A young me would have given false alibi, but adult me would tell them to get fucked