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Original poster

Jealous of big families at Christmas!

50 replies

Feelingcrappy2 · 03/12/2023 18:58

I love Christmas and this time of year in general.

I have however, always been jealous of big families who get together on Christmas day and make a real celebration of it.

Don’t get me wrong, we usually have a lovely day but I’d love for a 10 people+ dinner party like in the films!

We dropped a Christmas present to our Landlord last Christmas Eve, he lived in a beautiful home (absolutely massssive) and we could see through the window all the family were there. It was just like the movies, children running around the living room, drinks flowing, nibbles, piano in the middle of the room!

Out of curiosity, how do you spend your Christmases?

OP posts:
CeeJay81 · 03/12/2023 19:03

Me too. It's usually just the 4 of us. This year we are having some relatives over, so itll be 7 of us but our house is tiny and we haven't the space to eat round a large table like you see in the movies. No idea how we squeeze everyone in seated at the table.

supersonicginandtonic · 03/12/2023 19:08

I wouldn't be jealous it's absolute chaos 😂
My parents have all 7 of us kids there, 6 partners and 15 grandkids 🙈

PollyIndia · 03/12/2023 19:09

Parents died last year and I’m a lone parent to 11 year old Ds. So it’s the 2 of us. I definitely hear you on the big family
at Xmas front!

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Events & celebrations
Hbh17 · 03/12/2023 19:10

I think Christmas for two - or just solo - is much better. So many families end up in arguments, dislike each other etc.... you'll see lots if threads about it on here. Let's face it, real life is absolutely nothing like films!

ShirleyPhallus · 03/12/2023 19:12

Omg don’t be, it’s chaos

The house is always ridiculously hot, you always end up on some hard wooden chair, there is always too much noise, so much mess, someone ends up crying (inevitable with that many kids or drunken aunties)

A nice civilised Christmas Day just the four of us is perfect!

(can you tell I come from a big family 🤣)

moggerhanger · 03/12/2023 19:12

Just DH and two DC. No other family. It can feel lonely, but on the other hand, we get to do and eat what we want, when we want. And I'll admit to finding it very therapeutic to read all the threads on here about suboptimal big family Christmases!

Holly60 · 03/12/2023 19:16

I think as you can tell from the PP's, the grass is always greener. People tend to idealise what they don't have.

So people who have large, chaotic Christmases dream of quiet, intimate, cosy affairs and those with small families crave the dream of a large loving family having the time of their life.

Reality is neither scenario is really as you imagine it. Both with have pros and cons and I think both can be made the most of.

I think it might be comforting to think that in the same way you are jealous of other people's large christmases, there will be plenty of people jealous of your small quiet affair.

Just try to enjoy what you've got and make the most of it

Mossstitch · 03/12/2023 19:17

Wouldn't say jealous as such but slightly misty eyed........Will be me and my three adult sons, one who lives abroad but comes to stay every xmas, very pleasant and relaxed........but I always hankered after the Waltons style multi generational family around big farmhouse table (unfortunately completely dysfunctional family of origin 🥺)

cuthbertthecat · 03/12/2023 19:18

I find it very hard sometimes. I used to have a big close family. My Christmas as a kid and into my 30s was always 10-15 people minimum for Christmas dinner.

Sadly my family has shrunk significantly through a combination of loss and many family members being child free so my kids have no cousins or even second cousins on my side. My dhs family are all very distant either emotional, geographically or both.

So it's just us 4 and my mum. It's lovely, it's chilled and all but I really really miss the big family Christmases we used to have. It makes me cry actually (I've lost a parent and a sibling and it makes me miss them dreadfully).

Tisfortired · 03/12/2023 19:21

I come from a big family (lots of siblings, cousins aunts etc - usually at least 20 people at Christmas dinner) and OH has a small family, just his sister and parents at Christmas.

As a result I would love a quiet Christmas just us 4 - perhaps visiting parents in the morning then coming gome
to spend the rest of the day just us. DP on the other hand since meeting me has relished the big crazy christmases and he’s the one saying ‘let’s invite X and Y’ or when we get an invite to my side of the family and I’m thinking of a way to say no he says no let’s go!

So I indulge him bless him as I’ve had my fill of crazy Christmases 😂 my point is you always want what you don’t have - the day is what you make it and I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful Christmas whoever you spend it with.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 03/12/2023 19:22

My last parent died earlier this year and I will be spending Christmas Day alone - and I can't wait! Big family Christmases have always been my idea of hell (only child).

Mumteedum · 03/12/2023 19:23

PollyIndia · 03/12/2023 19:09

Parents died last year and I’m a lone parent to 11 year old Ds. So it’s the 2 of us. I definitely hear you on the big family
at Xmas front!

Just us two here as well. ❤️

Lone parenting is hard. But you have to make peace with it, don't you?

Scruffington · 03/12/2023 19:25

My main takeaway is that you give your landlord a Christmas present!

Dartmoorcheffy · 03/12/2023 19:27

As an only child Christmas was so boring and I longed for siblings. All grandparents died before I was 7 and for years it was just me, my dad and my mother who had issues with food so it was just a small basic roast dinner with turkey. No other trimmings. And Xmas pudding. No other festive food at all.

Both parents now dead and we go to my partner's mums now every year, with his siblings their partners and their children. Its so much more fun.

SiennaMillar · 03/12/2023 19:29

Ahhh I agree OP. My ex’s family were like this, 20+ people round for Xmas! All of them were lovely, it was like a movie. My own family are all broken up, and not very harmonious, it makes for a quiet and awkward Christmas.

Dozycuntlaters · 03/12/2023 19:32

I get it. I miss the Christmas's of years ago when the family was bigger and we all got together.

My Christmas Day will be me, my 21 year old ds, my ex husband and the old fella whom I befriended via age concern. I couldn't see my ex or my age concern friend on their own so I'll just make the most of it and give them a nice day.

Lolaandbehold · 03/12/2023 19:33

We do every second year, between in laws and my side. One side has a large festive gathering. It’s wonderful.
Other side is DC, us and and the DCs granny. Chalk and cheese. Give me the busy Christmas any day. I absolutely love it.

BoobyDazzler · 03/12/2023 19:34

last year I was on a beach in Thailand and it was glorious but a bit odd. This year we have 14 on Christmas Eve and then 5 of Christmas Day. I love hosting, although I worked out earlier on how many potatoes I’m going to have to do for 14 people
and I think I should start peeling now! It is hard work - feels like I’m constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher!

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 03/12/2023 19:37

ShirleyPhallus · 03/12/2023 19:12

Omg don’t be, it’s chaos

The house is always ridiculously hot, you always end up on some hard wooden chair, there is always too much noise, so much mess, someone ends up crying (inevitable with that many kids or drunken aunties)

A nice civilised Christmas Day just the four of us is perfect!

(can you tell I come from a big family 🤣)

Hahaha this is so true WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO HOT

Scruffington · 03/12/2023 19:41

Dozycuntlaters · 03/12/2023 19:32

I get it. I miss the Christmas's of years ago when the family was bigger and we all got together.

My Christmas Day will be me, my 21 year old ds, my ex husband and the old fella whom I befriended via age concern. I couldn't see my ex or my age concern friend on their own so I'll just make the most of it and give them a nice day.

ah, but why has that brought a tear to my eye? I hope everyone has a lovely day.

AhBiscuits · 03/12/2023 19:43

I spend it with the inlaws, my DH and 2 small kids. They are lovely but it's very sedate and DFIL always ends up putting on Morcambe and Wise. I absolutely cannot STAND it. He's there chuckling away and I'm like 😑 When I'm 70 I'll probably watch Ant and Dec or something and my kids will be like Urgh, this old shit 🙄

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 03/12/2023 19:43

We always have two Christmas’s (both DH and I have divorced parents) the first this year was this weekend. We have been 11 people from Friday evening until tomorrow morning. I am knackered, feeling like I have cooked and tidied up all weekend, the house is a mess and I can‘t wait for everyone except my mum and dad (they are both here despite the divorce) leaving tomorrow. Having said that, it was a magical weekend, it was loud and chaotic but everyone enjoyed themselves and despite the work I wouldn‘t change it. And we had loads of snow which has added to the magic.
At Christmas we‘ll be hosting 10 but DSIL and DFIL will share the cooking and there will only be one small child (DS) plus a couple of (really helpful) teenagers, so I’m really looking forward to that :-)

Crikeyalmighty · 03/12/2023 19:46

@Holly60 beautifully put- in theory I think great- in practice when I had this with my first husband, it was chaotic, far too hot, hard work as I found most work fell to the women and mentally I found it 'a bit much' - im sure others really enjoy it though

Dozycuntlaters · 03/12/2023 19:51

@Scruffington aaaw thank you. He's 98 and just brilliant. I've been seeing him for a few years now, so he feels like family. A lovely old chap, no way would I see him on his own

Chipsahoy · 03/12/2023 19:51

I used to be part of a big family Christmas. It was also toxic as hell. Secrets. Hidden incest, controlling narcissist abuse.
Weirdly I miss being part of the big family especially at Christmas but don’t assume all are happy families. I’m much happier just me husband and children. It’s quieter but it’s safe.

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