Jealous of big families at Christmas!

[Feelingcrappy2]

I love Christmas and this time of year in general.

I have however, always been jealous of big families who get together on Christmas day and make a real celebration of it.

Don’t get me wrong, we usually have a lovely day but I’d love for a 10 people+ dinner party like in the films!

We dropped a Christmas present to our Landlord last Christmas Eve, he lived in a beautiful home (absolutely massssive) and we could see through the window all the family were there. It was just like the movies, children running around the living room, drinks flowing, nibbles, piano in the middle of the room!

Out of curiosity, how do you spend your Christmases?

I come from a big family and none of us see each other at Christmas. In reality, the only times over the last 20 years that everyone has been together is when there’s been deaths in the family.

I’m happy to just be the 4 of us at Christmas. It may be a bit dull at times but I know there’s no chance of trouble or arguments. We can’t spend it with my DH’s side either as his mum is a functioning alcoholic who gets very argumentative and agressive when she’s drinking.

I sometimes feel a bit sad that I come from a large family that aren’t close. I see my sister at Christmas for an hour or 2 to exchange gifts but we are close. Occasionally I see one of my brothers.

I hope that my children still want to visit or spend Christmas with us when they’re older but I wouldn’t be upset if they’d rather spend it with their own families.

@Holly60 has it.

Make it what you want.

We are very rural. Christmas for us has always been about inclusion and community. So we have always had everyone from elderly on their own to lone travellers.

This year the fifth, non local son is returning and MIL has gone into warp drive.

No non family, causing upset left right and centre.

So in order to create the large family Christmas, we have been asked to deviate from our traditional family Christmas.

I was starting to come to terms with that until sil sent a message saying remember no non blood or marriage family this year.

You have us instead (lots of smilies)

Which sent me into meltdown as perhaps just insensitive wording but two of my children are adopted.

Anyway I've stepped out and said I will host my lovely ladies here and we can pop up later.

So it's a balance, can't keep everyone happy.

I love the idea of a big family xmas. As it is I dislike my parents so won’t allow them at ours on Xmas day and my brother and I aren’t close. I think very few people are lucky to have a type of relationship with their family where they can have a stereotypical happy big family xmas.

We're almost always 12. My and my two sisters and our families, for Xmas Day and Boxing Day and the morning after. I do like it and would find it hard to get my head round a very small Christmas, though I am sure I could make nice in its own way. When my parents were alive, Christmas was always about that size to, so it is what I am used to. It's also what my (student age) children are used to and my daughter in particular would definitely protest if it was just us. I think if it worked out that way one year, I would try to find another family to team up with to make it feel more like a celebratory occasion and to change the same old family dynamics. I know a few families who do that. Having said that, once we move onto the next stage and my kids have partners and children of their own, then that will be more than enough!

I've also invited our Ukrainian guest to join us this year, but she may be working.

What a grand old age! I bet he really appreciates your friendship and your kind Christmas invitation.

I know exactly what you mean. I wish we had that too.
Our day is us 4, my parents and MIL.
Unfortunately they've never gelled (mil and my parents) so at the best it's polite chit chat, at the worst they say hello and then don't talk directly again for most of the day, just chat to the kids - it's very painful for me and DH! I'm dreading the kids being teens and buggering off to their rooms straight after dinner!

What a lovely person you are. That’s real Christmas spirit.

I miss our big Christmases, there will just be four of us this year.

Exactly. I don’t envy big family get-togethers. In fact, I can’t imagine anything worse:

• What about your obnoxious BIL, who thinks he knows everything, talks over you, boasts about his new house, tells you in detail about his promotion, etc, then stares past you when you talk about yourself?
• What about your friend’s spoilt, sulky little brat of a daughter?
• What about your boozy, rugby-playing FIL, who is obnoxious and overbearing and thinks “feminism has gone too far”, then gets drunk and makes leery, dirty jokes?
• What about your nephew, who throws a tantrum when your brother tells him to eat his vegetables?
• What about your sister’s new boyfriend, who is so thick and boring it’s like talking to a plank of wood?

You put a big group of humans together, and I guarantee that beneath all the smiles and light conversation there will be simmering hatred and jealousy. Not to mention utter boredom.

OK, I’m being a bit negative, but I bet most people nodded at at least one of those examples!

This is so lovely of you, for being so considerate and welcoming your age concern friend! What Christmas should be about! 👼

Ours is enormous. It’s busy, chaotic, fun, bloody lovely but fuck me it’s hard work and expensive! Feeding and watering 24 people isn’t easy but we do enjoy it on balance.
My dc (not small anymore) say their worst Christmas was the Covid Christmas when no one came. Personally it was my favourite 😂

I think both can be equally lovely. Im from a small family and Christmas always felt really special just the 4 of us, my mum always went above and beyond to make it really magical and that was something she could do because we were a small family. It was always so thoughtful.
DH has a huge family and as an introvert I hated spending Christmas with his family. Front door was like a revolving door from morning to night with people coming and going, so much noise, chaos. They're big boozers too so everyone is drunk for most of it. Not much thought goes into presents because they have so many to buy for it feels a bit soul less.

I think this is it really, it helps to like what you have.

We have a slightly bigger than nuclear family Christmas (grandparents and an aunt plus us 4) and it’s a nice size. We had very big Christmasses as kids, and it must have been exhausting for my mother - I work in a fairly hectic job (she did not) and there is no way I’d want Christmas to be that tiring. This year we have some tricky cousins on Christmas Day and I am not looking forward to that!

I’d love a big happy family Christmas in theory I think, where everyone was close, non judgemental and it was like something out of a film.

In reality, my family is small, we get along individually and sometimes as a group, but it can turn into an absolute shit show so best avoided. Plus I’m pretty sure I have adhd so all the noise and people overwhelms me and I can’t cope with them!

I’d like to be normal, and have a normal family gathering I think. Instead this year, I’m going to be pretty miserable but putting on a brave face due to a family falling out so it’ll be just me, dh and the DTs.

Used to have big family Christmases - 16+ people, lots of kids etc and yes it was fun but also not. Usually a row simmering somewhere. As youngest/single for years I got the mattress on the floor a la Bridget Jones. Usually someone having one drink too many and making snide comments, and often a bit of envy that other people's spouses/parents had given them nicer presents .... I look back fondly to those times because both my parents were alive, but it wasn't all great. It probably looked nice from the outside, like your landlord's house, but it's not quite like the adverts. And yes, it was always TOO HOT!

Also in those days with no iplayer/catch-up tv I always missed the Christmas specials, because it wasn't possible to watch tv with so many people around. Sounds trivial but going back to school/work when everyone is talking about it was annoying. Of course these days it wouldn't matter.

Now it's more sedate, just me, my DSis and her partner and adult children and their partners. We eat fancier food, because when you're cooking for 16 it's basic roast dinner, no starters or tarted-up sprouts. It's quieter, you can actually have a conversation. And we can watch what we want, play with our presents or even read a book.

I think Christmas adverts are responsible for a lot of angst - it's not all happy families in matching pyjamas. I try to appreciate what I have and enjoy the moment, but really I loathe Christmas now.

I'm not jealous as such, but I would like to be surrounded by more family. I grew up with lots of cousins living close by and Christmas was a wonderful time. Unfortunately my in-laws and nieces all live abroad, my sister is terminally ill and nc with family, so it's just me, my husband, 2 children and my parents. I love to be surrounded by people and watch the kids running wild and having fun. Everyone else is always so busy seeing family over Christmas and we are often sat twiddling our thumbs. I do host lots of parties/community events in order to try and fill my home. But I do wish that we had much more family around.

Are you my dad 😀yet every year they travel 2 1/2 hours "just to drop off presents". Go to the brothers in the same town or stay home ffs.

My husband and I have 7 children between us, most adults, they all come home for xmas so we have 9 of us, morning presents, brunch, then we do a secret santa which is joke presents (they all say that's the fav part of the day) play games , karaoke, music, we have a great time,my fav time of year.
Luckily at the moment none of them have significant others , hopefully once they do they will still come home but bring them
My brother and sister in law have just 1 child and often say how quiet and uneventful Christmas is for them.

Normally there’s 10 of us but when I was younger we often had 15 plus, loved it.

Fortunate to have space though so people can escape.

Sounds like your brother is hankering after an invite

We do both. Actual Christmas I spend w DH and our small DC plus sometimes my BIL. Then Boxing Day we spend with DH’s family for a proper big family, mismatched tables, chairs from the garage, pissed auntie, feral children, boiling hot gathering. All served with a side of the latest fam dram. It is a million miles from my quiet, bookish childhood Christmases - I love it but after a few hours I am ready to sit in silence for several days. We then see my family but it’s much smaller scale and low key, much more “me” but I fully appreciate DH’s incredibly bonkers, lovely, generous family too.

I hear you - I love feeding people but have a small family and am rarely confident enough to invite friends round as I feel like they won't want to travel here and have far more exciting things to do! So it's quiet.
My daughter is with her boyfriend's family this year - and that sounds like a lovely large family Christmas. I am very pleased for her.
My son will probably be with my ex because otherwise, he (my ex) will tell everyone how sad and lonely he is (with the barely veiled implication that, even nearly 6 years on, it's my fault 🙄).
So I will probably be on my tod.
Still bloody love Christmas though.

I always think I’d love a big family Christmas then we go to DHs aunts house for New Years Eve and there’s about 20 people there and I freeze, I hate making small talk, sitting on garden chairs/computer chairs for dinner because they’ve had to try and find enough seats, hearing the same old stories over and over again.

Then I realise how much I love being in my own house, eating my own food, doing whatever I want whenever I want.

@Holly60 wise advice

We had 11 people for Christmas. This is usual we spend it with my children and friends. Try inviting those that didn't have anywhere to go. But be careful what you wish for, I'm shattered :)