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Original poster

Child loosing interest in a sport he's very good at. What to do?

57 replies

dogoncouch · 03/12/2023 09:42

DC is 8. A couple of years ago he got into a sport quite be accident and became very good very quickly. He now competes regionally (very successfully) and nationally (top 20 for his age group). I have been told by various sources that he has a lot of potential. For the first 18 months he was very zealous about the sport and spent every waking hour practising but for the last 6 months he's got bored, not wanting to train and now a bit meh about competing too. It's an outdoor sport so generally not as appealing in the winter. He says he doesn't want to give up but if his rankings start to slide, this will inevitably follow.

For context he has ADHD - which is a positive in that he's hyperfocused during a competition but I recognise it's also probably the reason he's getting bored now.

I wasn't pushy to begin with but as it became clear he had talent, I've become more invested in helping him succeed (travelling around the country most weekends)

I guess I have 3 options

Insist that he sticks to his present regime and hope his interest returns when the summer series begins.
let him train when he wants (it's a very flexible sport in this regard) but his rankings will drop and then he will want to quit.
Suggest some other sports he might want to swap to now (as I don't want him to swap his active weekends for a games console)

Has anyone been in this situation. What did you do?

OP posts:

Rocknrollstar · 03/12/2023 09:46

DD was a very good cellist and was studying at Trinity College of Music Junior Branch. When she was 13 0r 14 she decided that she would sooner play netball for her school on a Saturday. She decided to give up her instrument all together and has never regretted it. I think you can only explain the consequences to him. Forcing him to continue will affect your relationship. Could he just take a break?

Quitelikeit · 03/12/2023 09:48

I’d let him step back - don’t be critical - make him aware of what could happen

At the end of the day he is 8 if he has an ability it won’t disappear

Don’t live through your children. It’s his path not yours

Iateallllllthepies · 03/12/2023 09:49

My ds was the same with music. He excelled at one instrument and then one day, decided he wasn’t interested anymore. That was a decade ago, he’s 21 now
and I still think it was such a waste, all the exams, the music theory that he enjoyed learning.

You can’t force them to carry on though.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General sports

Hairyfairy01 · 03/12/2023 09:55

He's only 8. Even if he is in the top 20 now is that likely to be maintained as he gets older? I read somewhere with swimmers for example only 1 in 100 of the top 11 year olds are still in the top 100 at 17.

MagpiePi · 03/12/2023 10:01

8 seems very young to be set on a particular sport.

Is it that he’s reached the top of his ‘natural’ potential but the training he’s doing isn’t getting him further up the rankings? If you look at some of the exceptional adult athletes (Johnny Wilkinson, Sharon Davies, David Beckham, off the top of my head) they started young but had parents who were very strict and pushed them hard. Do you want to be that parent? I’m not saying it’s wrong; it gets results, but there are costs.

I'd encourage him to try some different sports; he might find his present skill set transfers and he will enjoy them because he can be quite good quite quickly.

MissBattleaxe · 03/12/2023 10:01

Don't force it. Support whatever his next passion is. He's only a kid, it's not like he blowing up his whole career.

Sugarfree23 · 03/12/2023 10:03

Op he's 8, you can't battle with him indefinitely to keep up his sport.

I'd suggest a break from it or try a similar but different sport, ie if it's tennis maybe try badminton or squash. If it's rugby try football.

For him to really do well his heart needs to be in it.

MagpiePi · 03/12/2023 10:04

I also think it’s wrong to look at the time and effort spent as wasted if he gives up. He has probably learned a lot and enjoyed it while he did it. It’s like saying spending time and money on a holiday is a waste because you have to come home at the end of it.

Original poster

dogoncouch · 03/12/2023 10:06

Yes. I totally get what you are all saying. There are 2 strands to the sport - skills and speed. Skills become more important as they get older. Its the skills rather than the speed that he excels in...so his trajectory is up rather than down but nothing is guanranteed obviously. I just don't want him to swap his active lifestyle for a games console and also, given his personality and ADHDness, he's likely to make unwise choices in his teenage years and to have him occupied with a sport he's good at, would be advantageous.

OP posts:

IReallyMissPrince · 03/12/2023 10:10

I wouldn’t let him just drop out. He should stick to his commitments until there is a natural break - end of term, end of season etc - and then if his heart isn’t in it, I wouldn’t force it.

My teen DD has been obsessively into football for years and plays for a premier league academy, at county, a local club and her school team. It’s all been her choice. Then this year she has just totally lost heart and doesn’t want to do it anymore. Her interests have changed. It’s been privately hard to watch as I think she could have made a great career out of this, but that’s not what she wants.

I’ve allowed her to drop out of the academy (to free up a place for another girl) but she is seeing out the season for her other clubs. She made a commitment.

She also has AdHD, I should add!

Sugarfree23 · 03/12/2023 10:11

Op he's 8, you can't let it become a battle for the next 10 years he has to keep going, trying and practicing.

If his heart isn't in it, his hearts not in it. Sports and extra circular stuff should be fun for him. Not a battle ground.

Try and get him to try other sports.

ManchesterGirl2 · 03/12/2023 10:13

I'd go with 2. I'd also explain to him that rankings fluctuate up and down for all sorts of reasons, and that success in sport is a long game. Really try to help him not to focus too much on the rankings, instead emphasise what he enjoys about the sport, the friendships, the techniques.

I think ADHD means you focus very hard in shorter spurts, rather than routine consistency that some NT or ASD people prefer. Your son with 6 months hyperfocus and 6 months chilling out/ doing something else might achieve more on average than an NT kid in 12 months.

DelurkingAJ · 03/12/2023 10:13

Unless it’s very niche I’d suggest that the skills may well be transferable and he’ll succeed at another sport. I do agree with sport keeping children out of trouble (it’s my rationale when other parents ask me why I let our summers be swamped with cricket…).

ActDottie · 03/12/2023 10:16

Let him step back from it if he wants to BUT he must find another sport or exercise to replace it with.

I remember when I gave up swimming club my mum said that was fine but I had to find another sport as it’s not so much as about competing and being amazing at said sport but more about keeping active and fit and healthy.

Remmy123 · 03/12/2023 10:17

My son is v good at football but gave up in year 7 - we were gutted but ultimately a hobby is to be enjoyed.

he has just picked it back up again a year later - your child may do the same if not leave it be.

Phineyj · 03/12/2023 10:19

I have a kid with ADHD - couple of years older. I do encourage her to continue with things but not to the point of excessive wasted expense and time. I let her drop trumpet even though she was good, because she just wouldn't practice and repeatedly said she wanted to stop. She still sings and acts though and I don't think musical training is ever wasted.

I do think with elite sport (or music) at that age, the child does need enough interest themselves if it's going to "stick". An 8 year old needs to be experiencing a range of things.

My best friend did a LOT of canoeing in her youth as her dad was into it. She hasn't been near a canoe since!

RandomMess · 03/12/2023 11:08

With ADHD he would really benefit from having a sport/physical activity. I would say he can give that up at the end of the season but he still needs to do a sport or physical activity. He may then choose to keep going with that one?

NuffSaidSam · 03/12/2023 11:17

I'd do a mix of two and three.

It'd be good for him to keep a hand in at his current sport, so I'd encourage a bit of that, but not insist on every weekend travelling the country etc. That does sound a lot for an eight year old. Also, sounds like it limits his opportunities to do other things.

Then with all the extra time he has I'd encourage him to take up something else. I don't think this needs to be a sport necessarily, there's lots of value in music/theatre/community activities etc.

Ladyj84 · 03/12/2023 11:20

Don't force a child to do something they may not be into anymore. I would rather my children were happy doing something than forced

glassyhag · 03/12/2023 11:24

If he's adhd and already dopa-mined this sport then you can't force him to carry on. He will find another sport and will likely do well at that and then can go back to this one and re-mine it for the dopamine hit at a later time. I have adhd and I can't tell you how quickly you start to resent having to do an activity that you no longer enjoy. My interests are incredibly varied. Since turning 18 I've kept and bred dozens of species of exotic animal and written for journals. I've learned how to cultivate orchids and how to grow mushrooms. I can crochet, make clothes, needle felt, silk paint, draw, play the kalimba, harp, throw a pot, and a currently exploring glass artistry. I get fed up of things after a while but when I've had a break from it I'll come across a box with my wool and crochet hoooks while looking for a table cloth and that's it, I'm back in it and enjoying it again.

Grimbelina · 03/12/2023 11:31

glassyhag that is so beautifully explained thank you. I have a child who is having a similar experience and we just see our role as to facilitate/gently encourage at most (if a commitment has been made).

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/12/2023 11:40

I think find him another sport. I listened to an interview with John Mcenroe recently. He was saying how he sees it as vital than young tennis players continue with other sports and if he had been told he could only play tennis in his youth, he would most likely have ditched it.

XelaM · 03/12/2023 11:43

High level sport takes a lot of commitment and an outdoor sport especially needs to be a real passion for the kid to continue with it in all weathers. My teen daughter is into show jumping and I still don't understand how she can enjoy slogging wheelbarrows through the mud, getting up at 6:30am on a weekend only to go out to ride and muck out in the freezing cold and dark, and not be bothered by falls and risk of injuries! It has to be a real passion otherwise it's just torture.

Desecratedcoconut · 03/12/2023 11:43

Jesus, he's 8? It's a talent, not an obligation.

XelaM · 03/12/2023 11:47

If he doesn't want to quit, but just doesn't want to continue training as rigorously- just let him slip in the rankings. It might motivate him to start training harder. I know my own kid is very competitive and is definitely motivated by rankings and results, but she's a teen. At 8, unless it's gymnastics or figure skating, I would relax with the training and let him enjoy it as a hobby for now.

I would still continue with a sport though- definitely helps keep kids out of trouble during the teenage years.

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