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Original poster

Over shared at work drinks, hate myself

32 replies

MerryLand · 02/12/2023 16:58

I got massively drunk at work drinks, partly due to nerves but a lot due to not eating enough. I only see my colleagues twice a year and I think they're great but I do get socially nervous.

I've had a really shit year, a shit couple of years tbh. My mum died very recently but before that I'd had a series of fairly traumatic bereavements (murder, suicide, alcoholism). I haven't even begin to process my mum's death - it was extremely sudden.

I ended up grief dumping on my colleagues while drunk and I'm absolutely mortified. I was so pissed too I think I was even conflating them. I also shared something about a family member's criminal history (they've been in touch a lot recently and causing me a great deal of stress).

I apologised for talking total bollocks the next day and won't see them in person for months. But how do I show my face on Teams on Monday??

I'm looking into counselling too as I clearly need to talk about it. I haven't actually been drunk since the night before my mum died and I had gotten a bit superstitious about it so this was the first time I've really drank socially since.

OP posts:
sugarandsweetener · 02/12/2023 17:00

you apologised

did they respond

as for Teams…. you style it out and after the very first one is over and done with, you will feel very relieved and can move on.

NearlyMonday · 02/12/2023 17:04

as for Teams…. you style it out and after the very first one is over and done with, you will feel very relieved and can move on.

This. You colleagues had probably been drinking too, so I doubt you came across as badly as you think

PaminaMozart · 02/12/2023 17:06

If I were in your colleagues' shoes I'd react with compassion and send you a Christmas card with a personalized message of sympathy and hope for a better new year.

doubleshotcappuccino · 02/12/2023 17:07

I doubt there are many people who haven't been in your position at some point. It will blow over and I would mention it in passing on teams - by Monday the GABA levels will be better and therefore hangxiety not as bad so you will feel better . Hope you can have a rest this weekend -uplifting films/ good news stories can also help rebalance GABA x

HollyJollyKissmass · 02/12/2023 17:09

Genuinely, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens to a lot of people when they drink. Everyone will be nursing their own hangover, worrying about what they said rather than thinking about you. Anyone thinking about you will likely hoping you are ok- so try not to worry.

SkaneTos · 02/12/2023 17:09

My condolences for the loss of your mother, and for the other people you have lost. It must be very hard.

It is so easy to overshare when drunk. I'm sure your co-workers are not thinking badly of you. They were probably drunk too, I guess?

Good that you are looking into counselling!
I wish you all the best, OP.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/12/2023 17:11

That doesn't sound awful to me, please don't hate yourself! You need to treat yourself with compassion, it sounds like you've had a terrible time of it recently. You sound like you've been trying to get on with things but it understandably all got on top of you a bit. If I was your colleague I'd completely understand and probably feel sorry that I hadn't tried to reach out to you more. Forgive yourself, you haven't done anything wrong. God forbid you might be a human being who feels love and loss xx

As an aside you said you hadn't eaten much. Please try to make sure you eat regular proper meals, only because it will make you feel more well x

Tardyjo · 02/12/2023 17:13

That’s really not a big deal . You were upset about bereavements - nothing to worry about . It’s a good rule though to limit drinking at work events

Blueygreencurtains · 02/12/2023 17:13

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.
Often the alarm at having overshared just comes from carrying so much grief, worry, fear and anger around silently that letting that out to your colleagues feels really vulnerable as they mostly just see your "work face". Any decent person would just be extra respectful and compassionate to you after that. Hold your head up high at your next meeting: you're surviving and getting through times that would destroy a lot of people.
Look after yourself x

NearlyMonday · 02/12/2023 17:17

doubleshotcappuccino · 02/12/2023 17:07

I doubt there are many people who haven't been in your position at some point. It will blow over and I would mention it in passing on teams - by Monday the GABA levels will be better and therefore hangxiety not as bad so you will feel better . Hope you can have a rest this weekend -uplifting films/ good news stories can also help rebalance GABA x

What is GABA???

ANightingale · 02/12/2023 17:19

Been there, done that - sympathies. You just have to wait for the mortified feeling to fade away, which it will do soon. I bet you are not the only one of your colleagues who has done that at some point or other.

IllthankyoutostoppinchingmyBotticelli · 02/12/2023 17:21

Try to worry FlowersI am trying to think of a social occasion I have been to where there hasn't been drunken oversharing, and honestly with the year you've had I'm sure your colleagues feel nothing but empathy for what you've been through.

Please go gentle on yourself and everything will feel much better when you've got that first meeting over with.

Sammysquiz · 02/12/2023 18:18

But you weren’t “talking bollocks” - you were letting out your feelings, which it sounds like you needed to do. If you were my colleague I’d feel glad you felt you could share such difficult feelings with me, and would be checking up on you in the future.

Draoicht · 02/12/2023 18:20

You didn’t do anything so terrible. But limit drinking at work events in future.

doubleshotcappuccino · 02/12/2023 18:37

@NearlyMonday in answer to your question on GABA .. I've copied a definition below which I hope will sum it up more succinctly than my efforts but in short it's alcohol's impact on the GABA receptor that makes people feel great .. then anxious as the alcohol wears off but the body takes a day or two to get GABA levels back up in which leads to dreaded hangxiety

Alcohol stimulates GABA receptors, and thereby dampens activity in the brain. It is thought that this is why it produces an immediate reduction of anxiety.

Smartiepants79 · 02/12/2023 18:49

I would not feel anything but sadness for you and what you’ve been through. I hope I’d make an effort to be a more friendly and supportive colleague.
I would not judge you, I’d hope you weren’t too embarrassed.
Try not to worry.

Smartstuffed · 02/12/2023 18:54

Please be kind to yourself and try not to overthink everything between now and Monday.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/12/2023 18:56

You have a really tough traumatic time. You apologised, they all know it's unlike you and were drunk too. Just smile through the Teams meet. Relax tomorrow.

Hillcrest2022 · 02/12/2023 19:11

Oh the number of nights I did this to dfiensa and colleagues after my Dad died!

It is entirely human and people understand.... they will be feeling compassion for you.

FloofCloud · 02/12/2023 19:14

Please don't worry, if they're decent people they'll understand you're under pressure of grief and need to let off steam and feelings. Do get some grief counselling and just don't worry

helpfulperson · 02/12/2023 19:17

It's probably done you the world of good and if anyone mentions it, probably because they are concerned, you just say 'I'm OK thanks but have realised I need some professional help so am organising that'

Giraffescarf · 02/12/2023 19:42

How friendly are you with them normally?
it's done so stop regretting it. I would be compassionate towards someone clearly in pain.I've been through loss and the pain is bad. I think any normal human would do the same.

My concern would be people talking behind my back about personal issues.

I would also make it crystal clear that any personal trauma would not affect my ability to do my job or work hard. That I did not want sympathy or special consideration. Also, style it out, joke it off"If you weren't all so bloody lovely I wouldn't have spilled my guts haha etc"
and make it clear it's business as usual.
People forget fast, by January it will be a distant memory.

You've just reminded me of how many drunken chats with crying girls I've had at parties 😀. And sometimes been the crying girl too.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/12/2023 19:48

Oh op I’m sorry for your loss. What a tough time you’ve been having.

I promise you that this will be a much bigger thing in your mind than theirs. Anyone sober enough to even remember will only feel compassion for you. Please try not to overthink it.

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/12/2023 20:22

I can't imagine anyone will really blame you OP.

In a practical sense it's done and can't be taken back, most people will realistically either feel sorry for you or have found it a bit uncomfortable and, as is the British way, will never want to hear or speak of it again and that's why I'd just leave it. You did apologise and there's clearly a context.

I have some experience of traumatic loss and grief over the past couple of years and those who haven't been there just won't get it however it's being explained to them, I didn't before it happened to me even if I imagined I could. I don't drink and have still collapsed in a heap dureing this time when outside of the house and hit by it all and presumably looked a bit hysterical but i've found people mostly just want to be kind. Look after yourself, push forward with the counselling and don't dwell on this other than as the reminder that you're on some level needing an outlet.

Cruse bereavement are very good, if you need someone to chat with.

Oblomov23 · 02/12/2023 20:40

It doesn't sound that bad. Most will be totally sympathetic.