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Original poster

My mum's reaction isn't normal is it? Or am I going mad?!

50 replies

losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:35

I've just relayed a story to my mum and her reaction has baffled me. The story is ds2's friend isn't speaking to his dad. He told ds2 this is because his dad had sex with his maternal grandma. Obviously we were both open mouthed with shock but when I told dm she seemed very calm about it and said, "well it's not normal exactly, but it does happen. You like the daughter so you'll like the mother", as if it was not that bad. She then said that since his mum and dad had split up he obviously needed a substitute. I told her he'd slept with his mother in law while they were still together but it's neither here nor there.

Honestly, I'm a bit disgusted with her response. It's not normal, is it?!

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 01/12/2023 19:41

No but, as your mum said, I suspect it’s not as uncommon as you think it is.

The fact that the son knows about the details of both his father and his grandmothers sex life is the really disturbing bit here.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2023 19:44

People do crazy shit. Your mother has gotten to the age where nothing really surprises you anymore. And she's right, this is definitely not unheard of.

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:48

Well everyone else I've told (who don't know these people, I wouldn't tell them if they did) has been shocked.

I probably should have said but didn't want it to effect the responses, my dm has a history of strange behaviour with this stuff, she had sex in front of us when we were children and went after much younger men so her reaction to this just repulses me.

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Thedm · 01/12/2023 19:50

Im sorry… your mum had sex in front of you as a child? What age were you?

Thedm · 01/12/2023 19:51

You know it’s child abuse to expose children to that. That’s child sexual abuse.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/12/2023 19:51

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PosterBoy · 01/12/2023 19:51

"she seemed very calm about it"

What were you hoping for? Does she even know the family? Are you a massive gossip and love the drama?

Your mum sounds worldly wise and not prone to amateur dramatics. Good for her.

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:51

Up to around 7 I think, my sister would have been 11

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 01/12/2023 19:52

losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:48

Well everyone else I've told (who don't know these people, I wouldn't tell them if they did) has been shocked.

I probably should have said but didn't want it to effect the responses, my dm has a history of strange behaviour with this stuff, she had sex in front of us when we were children and went after much younger men so her reaction to this just repulses me.

Oh ffs. But your issue is that she doesn't get shocked by a story about someone she's never met? Not this?

Can't be arsed with mumsnet sometimes

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:55

@Wibblywobblylikejelly what a horrible response

OP posts:
BalletBob · 01/12/2023 19:55

She had sex in front of her 7 and 11 year old children? I'm not googling it but I'm fairly confident that's child sex abuse and is illegal in the UK.

I'm really sorry she did that to you. It was very wrong of her.

AutumnFroglets · 01/12/2023 19:55

In some cultures it's normal for cousins to marry each other, while in other cultures it is seen as abhorrent and too close to incest. So it depends which culture she is from as that might be colouring her opinion of the SIL/MIL sex. Personally I would have the same reaction as you OP.

CheekyHobson · 01/12/2023 19:56

Yes your mum's reaction is weird as hell, but clearly her fucked-up attitude towards sexual relationships is not news to you? Are you looking for support to go lower-contact with her?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2023 19:58

I'm surprised you allow your children anywhere near your mother. Your mother is a sex offender.

InSpainTheRain · 01/12/2023 19:58

I think as people get older they've had more life experience and sometimes less shocks them - they've heard it all before. Obviously this isn't always the case, but life often does mellow people (it has me) and you end up thinking "well I wouldn't do that, but no judgement.... because life". Perhaps that is why she appeared calm and not shocked.

Thedm · 01/12/2023 19:58

losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:51

Up to around 7 I think, my sister would have been 11

So, your mum is a sex offender.

I’m so sorry you were exposed to that and don’t seem to have been given the support you needed to understand that what was down to you was wrong. I hope your own children never stayed over with her.

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:58

@CheekyHobson she completely normalises it when I bring it up, I've given up now.

My contact with her is quite infrequent anyway but I feel a sense of duty to call her regularly

OP posts:
BalletBob · 01/12/2023 19:58

PosterBoy · 01/12/2023 19:52

Oh ffs. But your issue is that she doesn't get shocked by a story about someone she's never met? Not this?

Can't be arsed with mumsnet sometimes

Show quote history

Can you honestly not imagine why it might be difficult for someone who was subjected to this as a young child to develop appropriate boundaries and morals around sexual relationships? And why they might appear to question certain behaviors and not others?

CheekyHobson · 01/12/2023 19:58

In light of your later post, my guess would be that at some point of her life she slept with a father and a son.

Appleass · 01/12/2023 19:59

losenotloose · 01/12/2023 19:48

Well everyone else I've told (who don't know these people, I wouldn't tell them if they did) has been shocked.

I probably should have said but didn't want it to effect the responses, my dm has a history of strange behaviour with this stuff, she had sex in front of us when we were children and went after much younger men so her reaction to this just repulses me.

Your mother is a sex offender !! I cannot believe you actually have a relationship with her.

QueenOfHiraeth · 01/12/2023 19:59

Your mother may be a weirdo or she may just be old enough to have seen enough life to not be surprised
Somebody I knew left her husband for his father. She had 2 DCs with first husband then went on to get married and have a baby with his father which led to a very confusing blended family...

Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 20:01

I have no doubt what she did was wrong along with many other things. My kids are not at risk from her, she hasn't had a relationship with anyone for over 20 years and they don't spend time alone with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 20:02

Me and my 5 siblings are varying degrees of messed up

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 01/12/2023 20:03

@PosterBoy please don't be so judgemental, this was my childhood

OP posts:
StasisMom · 01/12/2023 20:08

I'm so sorry OP. I would have zero expectations from her tbh