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Original poster

Dating app guy just rang me

42 replies

Hammondhugh · 27/11/2023 21:43

So, I spoke to a guy really briefly on a dating app. I didn’t get to reply all day today, he then messaged me again later saying “I’m assuming you don’t use this” so I said “hey no sorry I don’t. Here’s my number. I’ll check my phone much quicker”

So of course, I’m dealing with a work call. Assuming my work is calling me. No, it’s him, after just giving him my number. I was like. Wtf? Why wouldn’t he just text me like anyone else.

I’ve just come out of a 6 year relationship so dating is very new to me. But to call
someone straight away just signifies no boundaries immediately and comes across as a red flag. Correct me if I’m wrong?

OP posts:
WellWellSaidTheRockingChair · 27/11/2023 21:45

Sorry, but you gave him your number - it’s entirely understandable that he thought he was allowed to use it.

Lamelie · 27/11/2023 21:45

Based on that no.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 27/11/2023 21:45

Really? Don’t you think it’s a bit weird

OP posts:

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General relationships
Mazuslongtoenail · 27/11/2023 21:45

I’ve never done online dating but for me to give someone your phone number and then complain that they phone you is a bit bonkers.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 27/11/2023 21:46

Text me no problem but to call at 10 pm!!!!

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 27/11/2023 21:46

Why did you give him your number?

cryinglaughing · 27/11/2023 21:48

Doesn't sound weird to me.
Could arguably say, why message him at 10pm 🤷🏻

Redlarge · 27/11/2023 21:50

Nope. Im with you OP he should have text to arrange a call. Not just impose. Hes basically a stranger.

Olika · 27/11/2023 21:50

I did online dating for over 3 years and met my DH online. What I learnt during those years was not to waste time chatting with people endlessly as this actually created a false idea of the person and two people getting on in real life. Instead I would chat for a bit and then want to speak over the app/phone so I then knew if I wanted to continue to chat/speak before meeting. I would also meet any man within 4-7 days so that I could then move on if the person wasn't suitable.

Fredblog · 27/11/2023 21:50

Maybe he wanted to check if you was a man

BoohooWoohoo · 27/11/2023 21:51

If he knows that you have to get up early for work tomorrow then 10pm is too late but phone numbers are for phoning people. Was it a video call? I understand that you might want some notice for that

Legomania · 27/11/2023 21:51

Yes it is weird! Phoning is for when you need to speak to the person there and then to sort something out

ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 27/11/2023 21:51

You gave him your number, told him you'd be more responsive via your phone, and are pissed that he called said phone?

How old are you, OP? I find most people in my age bracket actually pick up the phone and find endless text ping pong a waste of time and quite immature.

Legomania · 27/11/2023 21:56

ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 27/11/2023 21:51

You gave him your number, told him you'd be more responsive via your phone, and are pissed that he called said phone?

How old are you, OP? I find most people in my age bracket actually pick up the phone and find endless text ping pong a waste of time and quite immature.

There's endless pong pong and then there's imposing yourself on a stranger when messaging would be totally fine as an icebreaker

I am 40 so not exactly young and would say messaging is absolutely the norm in this type.of situation

ExcellentFabulous · 27/11/2023 21:58

Goodness! He can't read your mind. You should have said here's my number, text me or something. Or text tomorrow.

Most people call, not text (and I'm speaking as someone who'd rather text than call) so it's not exactly odd that he called. You gave him your number at 10pm and he assumed he could call you immediately after you both had just spoken about it.

That said giving a randomer your number when you don't really know them is not a wise move.

samestyle · 27/11/2023 21:59

He was pushy from the start, saying he assumes you don't use the app, because you didn't reply to him quickly, most people wait for it progress naturally to swap numbers, sounds impatient and selfish, it's manners to message first rather than just ringing so you know when is convenient.

Lovetosleep1 · 27/11/2023 22:04

I hate phone calls and never answer mine unless it's work related. If you can say it over text don't ring me. I'm completely in your camp on this one he sounds weird.

Woahtherehoney · 27/11/2023 22:06

Yeah that is weird - haven’t been on a dating app for years but when I did use them it was not the done thing to ring people at all and I have friends who actively use them who would be equally horrified haha. I’d imagine the people posting above haven’t been on dating apps so think it’s a normal thing…it isn’t.

Doggymummar · 27/11/2023 22:06

Tell him to add you to WhatsApp but to be honest talking is much quicker

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 27/11/2023 22:08

Woahtherehoney · 27/11/2023 22:06

Yeah that is weird - haven’t been on a dating app for years but when I did use them it was not the done thing to ring people at all and I have friends who actively use them who would be equally horrified haha. I’d imagine the people posting above haven’t been on dating apps so think it’s a normal thing…it isn’t.

Exactly. Like what the hell. Why would you call randomly at 10:30. I have been in a controlling relationship once years ago. This was how it started. So I’m very reticent from the get go.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 27/11/2023 22:09

I hate phone calls too, but you pretty much asked for that phone call. You should have told him to text you, made it clearer. I’d not have given my number to someone I didn’t know well.

ellybelly123 · 27/11/2023 22:14

I agree, weird. Only people who call me (personally and professionally) without pre-arranging or giving a heads up are either 20+ years older than me or trying to put on pressure/catch me off guard.

Original poster
Hammondhugh · 27/11/2023 22:17

ellybelly123 · 27/11/2023 22:14

I agree, weird. Only people who call me (personally and professionally) without pre-arranging or giving a heads up are either 20+ years older than me or trying to put on pressure/catch me off guard.

Yeah I was like. Don’t pressure me?? I said sorry I was expecting a work call. He said “I was just trying to catch you off guard”????? What a weird response

OP posts:
WinteryWonderland · 27/11/2023 22:18

You gave him your number so I'm guessing he took that as a signal to call! Tbh, a guy texting endlessly would be more of a red flag, more like a teenager. He acted like a grown man and called you which would have taken guts I'm sure - so cut him some slack.
I honestly feel like men can't do anything right these days. He's keen. He called. What's the issue here?

WinteryWonderland · 27/11/2023 22:20

That said - I do think a text first to ask if a call is convenient would have been simple etiquette