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Original poster

Not to go to nursery Xmas show

46 replies

ChocHotolate · 26/11/2023 12:31

My 3yr old is in nursery, a private day nursery rather than a school nursery type.
Every Christmas they do a small show with the children singing carols and Christmas songs, parents are invited to watch. Last year the show was mid morning so the parents who could attend then had to say goodbye again to their children for the rest of the day. Of course this really upset some of the children, watching their parents leave. Luckily my daughter wasn't full time so we just took her in for the show and then took her home again.
This year my daughter is there full time & I'm thinking I won't attend this year even if I were able to as saying goodbye mid morning would upset her too much.
Has anyone else had similar?

OP posts:
Mischance · 26/11/2023 12:32

It's your choice. Will she see the other Mums and wonder where hers is?

Sunshineclouds11 · 26/11/2023 12:33

i would just explain to her you'll be there for the show then see her later on.

i don't know what would upset me more, her looking for me and not being there during the show or a 5 mins cry because she has to stay? but if you explain then she might not even be upset.

Sunshineclouds11 · 26/11/2023 12:33

Sunshineclouds11 · 26/11/2023 12:33

i would just explain to her you'll be there for the show then see her later on.

i don't know what would upset me more, her looking for me and not being there during the show or a 5 mins cry because she has to stay? but if you explain then she might not even be upset.

should have said i know what would upset me more

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Original poster
ChocHotolate · 26/11/2023 12:50

Really good point that she might expect me to be there with the other parents.

OP posts:
QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 26/11/2023 13:12

I'd rather her be upset that I said goodbye than see all the other mums attend and wonder where hers was. Showing up is so important for children. Go and suck up the goodbye.

Pippu · 26/11/2023 13:14

Oh I have very fond memories of those nursery shows from 25 years ago! We filmed them as well which I don't suppose is allowed now.
Do go, you might be able to sit at the back and not be seen.

Matilda1981 · 26/11/2023 13:16

As a parent of 4 kids you defo need to go - she’ll be looking out for you and will be upset if you’re not there!!

NuffSaidSam · 26/11/2023 13:17

I think it's worse for her to think you couldn't be bothered to come than for her to say goodbye to you after.

Also, this will be the procedure for every play, assembly and sports day all through school, so unless you're never going to attend school event it's something she's going to have to get used to anyway.

mycatsanutter · 26/11/2023 13:24

She will be wondering where you are if you don't go , explain what will be happening after the show .

OldTinHat · 26/11/2023 13:29

You must go. She'll be looking for you in the audience.

I still have massive guilt about my DS (now 24) - when he was 8 he took part in a school concert. I totally forgot about it because I'd not written it on the calendar. He was so upset when I picked him up because I hadn't been there.

Oatsamazing · 26/11/2023 13:30

I've not been able to go to many of these events at my DD's nursery, I usually tell her when something is going on, that some of the Mums and dads will be coming in. It doesn't seem to ever have bothered her that I'm not there. When I have been she just wants to leave as she thinks it's pick up time.

AmyandPhilipfan · 26/11/2023 13:41

If you're able to attend and don't have to go back to work you could always ask the staff (on a previous day, not there and then) if you can take your daughter home and not have her attend for the afternoon session. If they don't have anything else Christmassy planned for the afternoon they might be happy to allow that.

Otherwise, I doubt she'd be upset for long. I've worked in nurseries and schools and normally as soon as the staff lead them away, even the upset ones calm down straightaway. It normally helps if the parents are calm and matter of fact about leaving and don't draw it out for too long.

I think it would be a shame to miss it just because it might momentarily upset her at the end of the concert. She might be upset throughout the whole concert if she realises other mums are there and you're not.

Novelhelp · 26/11/2023 13:45

I’d go because these little things are important.

Id also be questioning why the show isn’t on nearer to home time? My DC were in a similar nursery and the shows were always 30 minutes before pick up time.

Rycbar · 26/11/2023 14:23

I’m a teacher and I used to work in nurseries. From my experience, the children are far more upset when they are the only one without a parent there to watch.

JamieKnows · 26/11/2023 17:00

Aw it's awful seeing kids looking around for their parents and they aren't there. Definitely go if you can do!

AutumnNamechange · 26/11/2023 19:09

I'd rather my child was momentarily upset about saying bye again than spend the whole of the show looking hopefully at the door for me to walk in. If you genuinely can't go because of work etc then you can explain that to her, but if you can be there why wouldn't you - childhood goes by so fast!

TheresaCrowd · 26/11/2023 19:13

Ahh bless her, I would've thought it'd be more upsetting not having a parent there?

PlinkyPlonk176 · 26/11/2023 20:44

Definitely go. It breaks my heart at the end of shows when they run to their parents except for the few with nobody there. I’ll never forget the sad and dejected look on the little face of one of my DD’s classmates once, I cried in the car on the way home!

voxnihili · 26/11/2023 21:13

Wish I hadn’t read this thread as I’ve never been to any of my daughter’s things at nursery or school and now feel like the worst mum in the world.

Luckily DD has never seemed bothered and I’ve always explained to her that I won’t be there due to work but she can tell me all about it when she’s home.

Pippu · 26/11/2023 21:23

I think it becomes more important as they get older. But nursery or playgroup nativity is special for the parents.
Children like to show off, even if they aren't very good. Concerts, sports days, all important to them.

DuploTrain · 26/11/2023 21:27

I’d take the day off if you can and take her home after.

It would really upset my DS if I came and went again.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 26/11/2023 21:29

Noooo! You have to go - she'll be watching out for you and won't see you there. That'll be way worse than you leaving her after the show. I feel sad just thinking about it!

fairymary87 · 26/11/2023 21:32

Kindly you're thinking about the wrong things, she'll be crushed you're not there

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 26/11/2023 21:33

After the show can you book the rest of the day off work and take her home and do something Christmassy with her?

Takemeawayy · 26/11/2023 21:39

I had the same at my daughter’s nursery but wouldn’t have dreamed of not going. She was fine and was most impressed they got chocolate buttons after their performance 😂

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