Cannabis - is ruining my whole families life

[Meandmyfeelings]

Ds is 16 and is addicted to cannabis. He has violent mood swings that has meant that we had to call the police out when he became aggressive . It has changed our son from a sensitive and kind young man into a someone we don’t recognise. We don’t give him money but he has a part time job. He was very bright and went to a selective school but the last year he has lost all interest in college work and barely attends. We are now receiving advice from social services but he won’t engage with any outside help. I’m so desperate to turn his life around but I feel powerless. He has a younger sister and I know this is having a massive negative impact on her life too.I have spoken to his friends parents but although they all know they are smoking weed it hasn’t impacted their lives the same and so they don’t see it as a problem just something that a lot of teens do. I’m so worried that he will have schizophrenia in the future from the amount he is smoking . We try so hard every weekend do think of things to do as a family but he refuses to do anything. We have promised him driving lessons if he stops but he is too addicted

I assume he won’t engage in addiction services support?

You can’t make him stop. There is literally nothing you can do until he decides he wants to quit and engage with support.

You have to decide now what to do. You can tell him you love him, you’ll be here when he’s ready, but he can’t live in the family home while he continues to smoke weed. There are supported accommodation services he can go to through social services, I worked in one, but the wait lists can be long and they’re far from ideal environments but we did offer a lot of support and signposting to services. Some young people took advantage of this, some didn’t.

People will scream that you can’t make him homeless, but the other alternative is that this continues. Social services support tapers off at 18, so take their support now while you can. If you decide he has to leave after 18 there will be far less support available to him then.

It's tough, feel for you I'm not anti weed smoked it alot pre pregnancy. But addiction brings out the temper. My husband is the same shouting etc then has a spliff and then ultra nice.

I wasn't mixing with backi pre pregnancy and didn't feel the same draw when just smoking pure.

It's classed as a addiction the way he uses it. Just sad your son will have to get in big trouble to get help.

I'm pro legalisation as even in recovery being a drug creates more sigma than alcohol.

Are you sure there isn't an underlying reason he's behaving this way and that the cannabis isn't just a (bad) way of him trying to soothe/ cope?

People will scream that you can’t make him homeless, but the other alternative is that this continues. Social services support tapers off at 18, so take their support now while you can. If you decide he has to leave after 18 there will be far less support available to him then.

This is not true. You have to already be in the system before the child's 17th birthday or children's SS won't do anything at all. This matters because OP could muddle along until he turns 17 then when she finally tries to get help, she could find it's not possible anymore.

@Hermittrismegistus? Are you serious? The poster has said what the issue is. For some the constant use of cannabis can lead to severe psychological Issues. It's like any drug... it destroys lives and can make monsters out of people.

You poor thing. What has he said about it all? What does he want to happen? I think the first step is listening and then make a plan together.

Yes I'm serious. Do you think it's unusual for drug addicts to have underlying issues that have caused them to turn to drugs in the first place?

@Stomacharmeleon I think @Hermittrismegistus asks a reasonable question. Yes, cannabis can cause the behaviour OP describes but some people use cannabis to self medicate because of developing mental health issues.

It’s difficult to untangle cause and effect, but always worth considering both possibilities and providing support both for addiction and his mental health. It is quite common that when people stop their addiction their underlying mental health issues come to the fore.

He doesn’t think he has a problem but he is spending more and more time stoned. He came downstairs an hour ago and demanded we bought him a vape. We asked him where his money he earned had gone and got really aggressive. He then said if we didn’t he would just smoke a joint in his room. He then said the most vile things to me. We relented as I can’t cope with his bullying especially as sister is at home. I really can’t cope with much more. I am actually quite frightened of him.

I really feel for you.. No real advice other than to suggest speaking to someone at FRANK, I phoned them last year after finding out my son took Ecstasy on a night out.
03001236600.. open 7 days a week.

My nephew had a major psychotic episode after smoking weed - he was sectioned.

If he really is addicted then drug rehab is what is needed - under this Tory government? - he'll be lucky.

I am so sorry that you are all going through this - I do know what a nightmare it is.

He is already in the system, he has SS involvement.

I assume you mean he has to be given LAC status before his 17th birthday and being prepared for leaving care, which does offer less support, at 18? Which is what I meant when I said support tapers off at 18. If OP waits until he’s 18 to ask him to leave the family home, he will need to look to the council or an adult supported accommodation service which is near on impossible to access. I’m not sure why you’re saying what I’ve said is untrue, there is far less support available at 18 whether your leaving care or not under SS at all.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. My cousin was smoking cannabis from the age of 15 - it is so sad to see how a child can change so much through the influence of drug addiction. Unfortunately by 19 he has serious mental impairment and cannot remember very much at all - it's awful to see. The other issue of course is that Cannabis is laced with other toxic substances and is now exceptionally strong. It can and will do serious harm to his developing brain.

It is also not right that his drug use and abusive actions are making you physically scared of him in your own home. Although you are his parent you do not need to suffer or endure abuse from anyone, you could consider placing him in temporary foster care? You might get a placement who is better equipped for dealing with drug addiction. Please know that this is not your fault and you need to put yourself and his sister first to protect yourself from his abusive actions.

@Meandmyfeelings you have my sympathy. If he is bullying you all and being aggressive towards you put your daughter first and think about calling and speaking to the police.

My son developed psychosis as a result of weed and I found them really helpful.

@Mischance can I ask how your nephew is now?

Thanks everyone for your messages. I was worried about posting as feel as though it is something I have done wrong. I would do anything for my children and keep analysing how I could have done things differently.

Thanks @Stomacharmeleon . Can I ask how your son is now please.

My nephew was in hospital for several weeks. After discharge he gradually improved over a period of weeks and is now, several years later, married with children and holding down a good job. But is was a scary time. Your dear son needs to know what the risks are. Young people see it as harmless. Has he seen GP with his addiction problems?

@Meandmyfeelings I had a long running thread on here ten years ago. I got enormous support from people on this Site (it was under another user name)

He was 13. Sectioned for a long period of time. Diagnosed with a mental health problem due to the weed. He came out, sat his GCSE's, a-levels and went to uni. He is expecting his first baby :) with my lovely daughter in law.

It was a long journey but he came out the other end. He never smoked again.

Unfortunately every time you give in you only reinforce his view that he can get what he wants with aggressive and demanding behaviour. To see any significant change in him you’re going to have to put boundaries in and stick to them. I know that’s easier said than done and that it seems easier to give in but you must remember that while that tactic might give you temporary peace and a break from the conflict in the long term you’re creating more conflict.

@Nicole1111 I agree. And I had two younger children too who were petrified of him. I had to take a stand.

This is probably not a popular viewpoint, but I think it's more likely he's aggressive because of his age rather than the weed.

I'm aware that it can cause issues, but not for the vast majority of people. It's legal in several places worldwide. We've been trained in this country to see it as an evil, life ruining substance when actually it's not that likely that it will do anything except make you temporarily hungry and lazy.

I'd be worried about depression and anxiety/raging hormones before anything else.

Get someone who use to smoke talk to him about how to reduce and then quit

@TheHawkisHowling that narrative is wrong I am Afraid. It made my son psychotic.

Lots of good advice here but I also think you should undo this decision. It’s going to teach him that behaving this way will get him whatever he wants with you and the behavior will only escalate. Did you give him money or purchase it for him?

I would be telling him he may not smoke in the house, period.

I know it feels impossible though.

I'm sorry for you. But anecdotal evidence is not scientific evidence.